Sunday, September 27, 2015

Death To Weariness


Life is a long journey, or more accurately, a trek. Some days, we want nothing more than to give up when everything seems to be going in the wrong direction. We wake up refreshed, ready to bulldoze the world…and then life happens. We get cut off, not twice, but three times on our commute to work, almost get run over and end up punching in late, putting our already heavy workload that much further behind. Then, a co-worker comes to work with a rotten attitude and then our computer freezes up. After the computer gets back up finally, our printer goes out. At lunch time, you realized you forgot your lunch and don’t have any extra money to spend right now, so you decide you might as well work right through lunch, as you are behind anyway. The rest of the day is pretty uneventful, however, so you breathe a sigh of relief as you listen to uplifting worship music on the way home. Then you walk in the door, and the kids had a crisis or a meltdown and so it starts once again.

However, we must make a conscious choice every single day to not let people or things weigh us down. It is so easy to get caught up in the difficulties around us, especially when everything seems to be going against us. It feels like every waking moment is a battle sometimes and no matter how hard you push through the darkness, it seems overwhelming. It seems like all the good we strive to do is in vain sometimes. No matter how nice and pleasant we are or how great our attitude is, sometimes people are just plain ornery and things still do not work out.

I used to be naïve enough to think that if I always spread love, kindness and gentleness to everyone, they would reciprocate. I thought my positive attitude would rub off on them. I had a rude wakeup call one too many times, however, and I realized that people were going to behave the way they were going to behave, no matter how great of an attitude I had. I used to take this personally, having grown up in an abusive home where I was led to believe that everything was my fault or that I was so bad that I deserved getting treated badly. However, my breakthrough came years ago when I realized that this was not true (but a lie from the enemy).

Another breakthrough came when I quit placing expectations on how others should treat me (and that this was independent from how I treated them) and it lifted a huge burden off my shoulders! When I released people from this expectation, the kindness I showed them was solely because I desired to love others right where they were, whether they loved me back or not. I realize that everyone has a battle I know nothing about and when they carry a less-than-desirable attitude, it could be sheer weariness from the battle they are facing right at this moment.

When my focus gets off of the Lord and on the things around me, I notice that difficulties as well as those people who are being difficult seem to be much bigger than they actually are and I am downright weary. All that I do every day to try to make a difference in other’s lives seems to get lost in the shuffle, practically meaningless. However, when my focus is on the Lord and the blessings in my life, the difficulties in my life seem dim in comparison and I am spurred on to be a blessing to others even more.

Instead of trying so hard to love everyone and expecting to be loved by them too (which is very tiring), I started gauging the majority my focus on those around me who seem lonely or who appear to be going through a hard time. I still take a minute or two to show simple kindness, gentleness and love to everyone as Christ calls us to do, but I do so and then move on from there. If I want to really make a difference, I need to go where the difference needs to be made the most.

Doing too much for too many people is enough to make anyone weary, even the strongest of us! I have learned that when I spread myself too thin and try to be too much to too many people, I get too weary to do anything at all. All I want to do is go home, plug into the wall and recharge my battery, which never seems to fully recharge. Then instead of being out there making a difference, I am at home doing nothing at all.

Galatians 6:9 says, "Let us not grow weary in well-doing, for in due season we shall reap, if we do not lose heart." Do not allow yourself to get overwhelmed and weary in doing things for others while completely neglecting yourself. I don’t know what it will take for you personally not to become too weary in doing good, but I know what works for me every time: Putting my focus back on God, remembering my purpose and taking regular time to do something good for myself or take a weekend away to relax.

One of the best things I have done in a very long time for myself was to take off on a road trip to the beach, just me. I had no agenda, no time restrictions and when I was not on the beach enjoying the waves and sand, I was looking for something different to enjoy in a nearby city. Although I was only gone for a long weekend, I left there feeling more energized and refreshed than I had in months if not years, and I did not feel the least bit guilty. I had the time of my life! And when I returned back to life again…I felt like Super girl!

So do not allow yourself to become weary in doing good…for in due time good will come, even if it takes a long time to see the fruits of your labor. Just don’t give up in the meantime and remember to be kind to yourself too. J

Sunday, September 20, 2015

When She Died, He Was There

Two years ago, death lingered on our doorstep. Two full weeks before she passed, I has a strong premonition that death was going to touch our family in some way soon. I did not feel that it was going to be one of my kids, but I knew without a doubt that death was somehow going to touch our family and the feeling would not let go…until it happened.

One hot August week, she started showing signs of aging, walking around a little more slowly than usual. She was getting rather old, so I figured she was probably showing signs of arthritis. However, everything else seemed normal in her day-to-day activities so I was not overly concerned at that point. By the end of that week, she started going downhill a little more quickly. By Monday, she seemed a little worse and it was then that I got concerned, driving her to the country to her “favorite doctor.” Surely, this would be a quick fix, I assured myself. No need to panic quite yet.

Who is she, you might ask? Her name was Angel, a big part of our family…a Rottweiler lab mix who was adopted while I was separated from my husband. She was 30 pounds and full of wrinkles as a three-month-old pup. Cutest pup I ever laid eyes on up to that point. I knew she would grow into those wrinkles in time. This was her last chance at getting rescued. As I went up to her kennel, she timidly went up to the cage door and licked me through it, wagging her tail. She had a very sweet, tender spirit about her. Yes, it was love at first sight.

When she was two years old, she moved with us out-of-state to our new home. My husband left a few months later and she remained a comfort to us when we really needed her. I can’t recount how many times I squeezed her tight and cried all over her during those first few months, but it was a lot! Just having moved to a new state, away from our friends and further away from my family, she was our friend, our family. She was happy when I was happy and sad when I was sad. Although I knew that the Lord was with us during that very difficult, lonely time, she was almost like Jesus “with skin on.”

Fast forward almost ten years later, when she started falling ill. On a Monday in August, I took her to the country to her veterinarian’s office. Fully expecting her vet to say it was arthritis and writing her a script for medication, we left that day with totally unexpected news that I was not prepared for. After doing some blood work, she pointed out that her gums, ears and tongue were whitish color, not the usual pink, which I had not even noticed. A few minutes later, she came into the office and said that Angel was critically ill and that, “If she was a person, she would be put into the ICU.” Her red blood cells were very critically low and her white cell count was way off too. The vet said we could try some medications (along with a steroid) to hopefully reverse the damage. This was a far cry from the “arthritis” I thought she had!

After doing an ultrasound, the vet said she was bleeding internally and one of her organs was quite enlarged (if I remember correctly, it was either the liver or pancreas) but she could not tell where the bleeding was coming from. We were to come back in 48 hours to recheck her blood work after the medications had been started and see if it would begin to reverse itself. By then, she wasn’t eating or drinking and laid in one spot all day. I had to carry her (all 80 pounds of her) to the car. Unfortunately, her counts had not gotten better and we were told to come back the next day, Thursday, to recheck the blood count again. All of the rest of Wednesday, she did not move but laid in one spot. She went from being almost as active as she normally was the week before to this in less than a week.

By Wednesday, I knew she was not going to pull through. The boys were in Florida with the church youth group and when they had left that Saturday morning before, she was still pretty normal but just walking slowly. The boys called every day to check on her. By Tuesday, I said it did not look good and the vet thought it was cancer. By Wednesday, I told them she may not be around when they got back, though I was hoping she would be so they could say good-bye to her. At first, I prayed she would hang in there long enough for the boys to come home (the next Saturday). However, I could not bear seeing her suffer like this for much longer. I also prayed that I would not have to make the decision to put her down because she had literally been part of our family for over eleven years. My prayer soon turned to asking God to take her very soon and quickly because it tore my heart up to see her go downhill so fast, though part of me was still hanging on to that very last shred of hope that she would make a miraculous recovery.

She had an appointment with the vet that Thursday afternoon, but did not quite make it that long. I called into work knowing that she probably would not last the day and I could not stand the fact that she might have to die alone and the last thing I wanted to do was to walk in to seeing her body on the living room floor. Right before noon on that Thursday, she had two seizures that threw her across the floor. I went over to her, rubbing her side and saying it was okay to let go. I know without a doubt she was holding out until the boys came home, but she could not do it any longer. I put my arms around her, saying through my tears, “Its ok, you can go now sweet Angel. I don’t want you to suffer anymore,” and that was it.

I was not prepared for the intensity of the pain and loneliness I faced, especially at night, when she usually jumped on my bed and went to sleep with me. I did not know my heart would break that much over a dog. Actually, she was more than a dog to me because she was there when I was going through the hardest years of my adult life. God prepared me over two weeks before she even got sick that death was going to touch our family in some way. He was there comforting me in Angel’s final moments as I was all alone, just me and the shell of what was the best thing that came into my life after my husband left.

If God went to this much trouble to prepare me, comfort me, answer my prayers of desperation and quench my aching heart at this loss (of an animal), how much more would he do so for you, who have lost or are losing a loved one? His Word says he will NEVER leave us nor forsake us…even when a beloved pet dies.

When she died…He was there. He is there for you too.

Monday, September 14, 2015

War of the Mind

Any one of us who have been truly devoted Christians for any length of time knows without a doubt that Satan attacks our mind, and he is very good at it! The Bible says that Satan (the thief) “comes to steal and kill and destroy.” (John 10:10) He usually does not hit hard all at once but starts small like with dissatisfaction in life and with God, a doubt about something you read in scripture, something that someone said to you that hurt you, etc. Then he blows these things way out of proportion and gets you thinking about all kinds of things that are not true. On top of that, he gets you to doubt your own value to God and others.

Because this thief comes not only to steal but also to KILL and DESTROY, he goes to great lengths to hit us at every single area, no matter how small, that is an area of weakness in our lives. Just like a robber (thief), he quietly slithers through a barely cracked open window or easily break through a door that doesn’t quite close all the way. If all else fails, he kicks the door in or smashes a window. He will not stop until he gets in somewhere! He will go to great lengths to get into your mind. If discouragement doesn’t work, he will try doubts. If doubts don’t work, he will try temptations. If these don’t work, then he will even go as low as to get you to minimize your sinful attitudes and actions. “Well, it’s not that bad. Everyone is doing it,” or “At least you are not as bad as him/her…” he says slyly. (Does this tactic sound familiar, Eve?)

Believe me, I could write a book solely on how Satan has discouraged me and filled me with doubts, everywhere from doubting my own value to the truth of a few scriptures that have not seemed to be playing out the way the Bible says it is supposed to (i.e. struggling financially when I faithfully tithe and am a good steward). The great news is that God has given me some very specific promises through the past ten years that I have written down and often refer to! Some have already been fulfilled and some have yet to be fulfilled.

Because I know without a doubt that God spoke these promises to me very specifically, Satan cannot even put a shred of doubt in my mind about them because I stand firm on God’s promises that WILL come to me one day. Because of that, Satan resorts to using other verses I have come across that don’t seem to apply to me because my life has been one very difficult valley after another! However, because I stand on the word of God and refuse to believe some of scripture and not other parts of it, I have to keep fighting back with the promises that God has already given to me.  

God has given us his Word (the sword of the Spirit) to combat the enemy when it comes to our mind. The mind is a very powerful tool and can either overcome great obstacles (with the power of Jesus) or become destroyed (by the thief). My life in particular has just been one of those that has been extremely difficult at every turn and like the saying goes, “I can’t win for losing,” and “If it wasn’t for bad luck, I’d have no ‘luck’ at all” rings very true in my life (though I don’t tend to believe in luck). Some of us have just been dealt a very difficult deck in life. I cannot explain why, although there have been many times I have asked God why and if there was something I did to deserve all of this, which has been much more than the average person has had to endure.

I wish I could give some of you an answer; in particular, those who are faithful followers of Christ, seek him, love him and have committed yourselves at all costs and still struggle greatly with a very hard life, but I can’t. I think that is a journey we must take with our heavenly father. He is always teaching, molding and using us in ways we cannot see because the changes are subtle. However, I can say that God has always prepared me for the next big challenge by using a previous challenge to learn from and build on. He has never left me out in the cold to “figure it out on my own.” He has given me wisdom and even warns me of (as well as prepares me for) the next big difficulty right before it hits.

God never said one time in the scripture that our lives would be easy. Maybe some people seem to have it easier and better than we do, but again, Satan can use this to breed discouragement, jealousy and even anger if we are not careful. Then before you know it, we are focused so much on their easier life and more on our difficulties that we cannot even see the goodness that God has put in our lives. The second part of John 10:10 states, “…I have come that they may have life and have it to the full.” That means something different to different people. I too have to be careful not to compare my life to someone else’s life that seems so much better than mine, because then I cannot see the fullness in my life.  

However, we can combat this if we are vigilant:  

I am very mindful every single day to thank God for all the blessings he has given me and I name them one by one. There are small glimpses of fullness in my journey of difficulty…my kids, our sweet adopted dog, living in a good, safe neighborhood (as a single mom on my tight budget, this is a miracle), the beautiful cool, crisp weather, my closest friends, food in the pantry, the beauty of nature, etc. Find the beauty around you and the basic needs that God has provided for you. Write them down and thank God every day for them, adding to the list as you remember more things.

Rebuke the enemy and his mind games (War of your mind) each and every time in the name of Jesus’ blood! This is a very under-utilized tool, but very powerful! The scripture says that Jesus’ name is so powerful (as is his blood) that even demons flee at his name! There is great, great power in the name of Jesus that no other power can overcome, not even death! If you have not tried this, I encourage you to do so! I have experienced immeasurable peace in the midst of the battle of my mind by doing this and wished I had done so sooner. Luke 10:17 says, “The seventy two returned with joy, saying, “Lord, even the demons are subject to us in your name!”

The Lord has given us the tools for victory…will you use them to overcome the enemy?

Saturday, September 5, 2015

The Strength to Fight

Because the Lord is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow, he never changes. Deuteronomy 20:1 states, “When you go to war against your enemies and see horses and chariots and an army greater than yours, do not be afraid of them, because the LORD your God, who brought you up out of Egypt, will be with you.” Although this was written hundreds and hundreds of years ago, it still applies to our situations today. Not that we see horses and chariots in our personal battles, but we do fight very real battles which seem much bigger than ourselves, and we too need God’s deliverance from them.

Not only do we have a battle against flesh within that we must conquer (thoughts, feelings, temptations, attitudes), but we also have battles raging on around us in our society. Some are literal battles, some are not. Some are battles on humanity, battles for power, freedom and wealth or to attain all sorts of worldly things, no matter who has to be trampled on or abused to get those things.

Other battles are against those of us who have put their faith and trust in Christ. We are told by our world to “sit down, keep your mouth shut, do what we tell you and accept every lifestyle, whether you agree with it or not.” We often hear “Don’t judge,” or things like, “Love the sinner AND the sin. Acceptance is king. Do whatever feels good to you.” This is becoming a bigger and bigger battle every day, even in the United States. Just by standing up for what we believe in, we are accused of being hateful and intolerant. We are being told that our beliefs are archaic and need to “catch up with the times.” We are teased and cursed at because we pray to a God we cannot see with our eyes, or as the world puts it, “talking to your imaginary friend in the sky.” These battles can be very tough and wear us down if we are not careful.

Aren’t you thankful that God did not just leave us here to fend for ourselves and figure out how to survive these battles on our own?! In the aforementioned verse, we are assured that the Lord is with us and he fights for us, so we have nothing to be afraid of. We can go out with the same confidence that these people did as well as with the same confidence that the shepherd boy David had when he faced the giant (Goliath) and took him down with a few stones and a sling shot. How? Because the same God that gave little David the strength to win that battle is the same God who gives us strength to fight our battles today. We too face giants throughout our lives…relationship giants, financial giants, physical giants…and the list goes on and on. These things are far bigger than we are and God knows that, so he gives us the strength to fight these battles as he fights alongside us and for us.

He even fights many battles we cannot see, such as those found in Ephesians 6:12. “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” If we knew all of the unseen enemies we had that God shielded us from we would be astonished, to say the least.

It would be so much easier to curl up, lie down and give up in the midst of all of these battles. There have been several times in my life where I wanted so badly to give up and raise the white flag of surrender. But, it is clear that God does not want us to do this because he says not to give up and that he will fight our battles for us and with us. Not only that, but he gives us an extra dose of strength when we are thrown head first into a huge battle.

You name it, I have pretty much been through most of it in my 40+ years of life. Life has been like a huge, rocky cliff with ragged edges that cut me going up and cut me going down. But God has been there crawling up and down that mighty cliff with me, cheering me on and giving me the strength to go one more inch. He has given me all the tools to survive these times. Besides his strength, he gives me wisdom, guidance and his Holy word to help direct the next step. He gives me a full coat of armor so that I can stand firm as I resist the evil around me.

Those without Christ have the “armor” of drugs, alcohol, wealth, sex, hobbies, social status, etc. The problem with that armor, however, is that it is very flimsy and does not outlast the fierce battles in life. It may be a temporary fix to help get you through one battle, but then what happens when one more thing happens such as when somebody cheats you, robs you, attacks you or fires you from your job? Does this armor stand the test of time faithfully?

Without the Lord’s strength and the armor he has given me, just the childhood abuse alone (that I endured) would have completely destroyed me. Had I been left to my own devices and left God out of the equation, I would not have had a leg to stand on. No chance to make it through intact. However, because I put my faith and trust in him at a very early age and chose to forgive those who seriously hurt me, he has fought for me and with me and I am eternally grateful!

I pray that you choose the same. You can turn away from God and try to fight all these battles on your own (and fail), or ask God to help you and trust him to fight for you and with you. His armor and protection is 100% guaranteed to withstand any battle you face. I think I will go shine my armor now. J