Forgive who???!!!!

It is only a matter of time before a friend, family member or even a spouse lets us down. Most things are easy to forgive and move past; an unkind word, a forgotten date on the calendar or a wrong look. However, other things are much harder to forgive, especially when it cuts deep or it was abusive in nature. Sometimes, those things can take months, if not years, to forgive. However, we are told in Scripture to forgive. Why?

There is more than one answer to that question. For one thing, we are all sinners and need forgiveness from God. Matthew 6:14-15 states, “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (NIV) Ouch! I know that I am not perfect and need God’s forgiveness; how about you?                   

 

Another reason to forgive is that forgiving others sets us free! We are no longer in bondage to the anger, hurt and bitterness that the thought or sight of that person brings along with it. One way you can tell if you have truly forgiven someone is that the thought or sight of them no longer causes your skin to crawl or your anger to rise up. You have peace about the situation. You may never forget what happened, but the intense emotions no longer pull you down anymore. Believe me, I have been there, and it takes a lot more energy to be upset or hurt with someone than it does to feel at peace about the situation and person.

 When I was in a bad marriage, I had a really hard time dealing with the fact that as soon as I forgave my husband for something he did, he turned right around and did something else just as hurtful or painful! It was like a vicious cycle and at one point, I even wanted him to hurt as badly as I did because of his unfaithfulness, abuse and addiction issues. When God told me specifically that I needed to forgive my husband I thought that surely God had not seen everything my husband had put me through and He was mistaken! I was afraid that if I forgave my husband that he would be getting away with all the bad things he did and said to me.

It was a big step for me, but I was finally able to forgive my husband for everything and to this day, although we are no longer married, we maintain a decent relationship. The minute I did that, trusting that God would deal with the situation appropriately, I felt a huge burden lift off my shoulders. I was finally free from a burden I was not meant to carry!

The problem with not forgiving someone is that it will eventually destroy you, as they go on merrily with their lives without a second thought. I have seen people who are still bitter 20 years after somebody “did them wrong” and they are still very unpleasant people to be around to this day.

One thing that really helped me forgive my husband in particular, besides asking for God’s help, was that God had revealed to me that forgiveness is like an onion; it has layers you need to peel off. In my particular situation, I had to go through and verbalize all the little things I was still holding onto, forgiving my husband for each one, until I got to the core of the “onion.” As I began to “peel these layers” off, I found it getting a little easier with each layer to forgive my husband and move past these things that were hurting me. The best part was, with each layer gone, I felt a little freer and lighter!

Regardless of whether or not someone deserves our forgiveness, it is the best thing we can do for ourselves. In order to gain courage enough to do so, you may even have to think to yourself, “I will forgive you…because it will set ME free.” Watch amazing things happen when you choose to forgive! Trust me, it works! J

Ideas taken from Chapter 5, Lessons in Forgiveness
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