Plastic Faces

In our society, we walk among people who wear “plastic faces” every day. Even our churches are full of “plastic faces.” How does everyone answer the question, “How are you?” Do they begin to tell you of their difficulties or do they say “fine,” as if an automatic reflex? Usually this is said as we quickly pass by someone and not meant to get a drawn out, truthful answer. It is more like a greeting in that situation. However, about a year ago, it hit me that I too answer that question without even thinking about what I was saying. In 2013, I went through the hardest year of my life and every day was a huge struggle, but I would still answer “fine” to that meaningless question, sometimes up to ten times a day. It is not that I meant to deceive anyone, but I truly did not even think about it.

I am thankful for the few people who can read me better than that and call me on it. One of my friends actually says, “You’re lying to me, right?” I just have to crack a smile and shake my head yes. But really, in our very busy society, who wants to hear about the difficulties you are facing? Who really cares to hear about how your marriage is on its last leg, how you are underemployed and struggling, your kids are difficult to manage or that you are struggling with loneliness?

I was raised with the mindset that I had to stand strong, deal with it, ask help from nobody and figure it out on my own. That was a very hard thing to overcome for me and it took years to undo that mindset. However, when I became a single parent ten years ago, I was rudely awakened to the fact that I could NOT do it all on my own and first and foremost, I needed God to meet my every single need and that it was okay to ask for help. There were many new situations I found myself in where I absolutely could not “figure it out on my own” and needed to learn to ask for help when I really needed it.

Even when we moved to another state while my marriage was on its last leg and my husband ended up leaving a few months after we moved, leaving me and the kids alone in a strange big city with no savings, job or friends, I was a master at putting on my “plastic face” in front of the neighbors and even my church family. I moved around a lot with my husband’s job and had been in many churches and I learned that for the most part that you don’t share your struggles with the majority (but only a few close trusted friends) without being told, “You shouldn’t feel that way,” or being told some Christianese, pious answer from someone who obviously has it all together such as, “God is bigger. It will be fine. God is faithful. Just forgive and let go. God doesn’t want you to feel this way. God says don’t be anxious. Just pray about it. God can. Don’t be negative.” And the list goes on and on. So…I learned to keep my mouth shut and fight these battles alone. But is suffering in silence what God wants for us?

Almost four years ago, we were looking for a new church home and visited three new churches. I saw something I had not seen before while visiting these churches. The pastor would name three or four specific things that people were struggling in or needed prayer for certain situations and asked people to stand if they wanted prayer in those areas. The first time I heard this, I thought “Surely nobody will stand and admit that.” However, many people stood! This was something new and refreshing about that to me! The “plastic faces” fell off as these people stood up and humbly admitted they needed prayer (help) in these areas of their lives. What if all our churches could be this way? What if we all left our plastic faces at the door and they went straight to the dumpster, never again to be recovered? How different would our world be? Would there be a drastic reduction in suicide? Overdose? Addictions?

When I moved here, my next door neighbors were very friendly and always smiled and waved at me whenever we saw each other outside. Later, I found out that God had divinely placed me in that rental house next to these neighbors for something far bigger than I ever imagined. As I said previously, my marriage was on its last leg and I hid it well. I too would smile and wave at my neighbors as if I did not have a care in the world. My neighbor’s husband knew the truth though, because God had spoken to him specifically that I was going through something very difficult and would soon need a friend, so he strongly encouraged his wife as he told her what God had told him about me needing a friend.

At first, she did not believe her husband and said, “No, that’s crazy. She is always happy and smiles at us. There is nothing wrong. Maybe you are hearing God wrong.” However, he was very insistent and we did become friends. When my husband moved out a few months later, she told me what her husband had told her and at first she did not believe him, but then found out he was right when this happened. My husband and I were masters at hiding the disintegrating marriage we were in.

Several people even told me during this period of time, “You have such a wonderful husband. You are lucky.” Every time they said that, I would die a little more inside knowing the truth, and literally felt sick to my stomach. If only they knew the truth that I was afraid to tell for fear of being rejected once again or being told to hold my head up high and pray about it more and it would work out. How many people have heard this right before their life circumstances became too unbearable and they turned to alcohol or drugs to numb their pain or ended up taking their lives, dying alone in their pain?

At work there is a sticker posted which reads, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle.” So true! My life has been extremely difficult, but I am very thankful that God has faithfully gotten me through my battles! He has given me strength and courage to face many difficulties! He has also put a few special friends in my life that I can go to when I need encouragement and prayer to help me through those times.  However, not everyone has a relationship with God and depends on Him the way you and I do.

We may be the only one who shows God’s love to that person who comes across our path, and instead of numbing their pain or taking their lives, they may as a result turn to God and experience His love and be set free too. So, when someone is clearly not doing okay and they say they are “fine,” stop and ask how they really are and truly listen to them. Help them take off their plastic face as you take yours off too and be a difference maker for the Lord, because HE IS WORTHY of our best!! J

 

Deadly Secrets

Loved ones who are seemingly happy on the outside and have everything in life going for them are sometimes the most broken people you know; take as an example actor and comedian, Robin Williams. He made millions of people laugh, but tragically was so broken on the inside to the point he saw no other way out but to end his life. Sometimes there are absolutely no signs that the person is suffering great inner turmoil and other times, there are signs everywhere that get ignored or go unnoticed by those around them who are either too busy or uncaring to get involved.

Christ often reached out to those who were suffering great inner turmoil, and were too afraid or unable to express what they were going through on the inside. Christ had compassion for the suffering, even for those who were deemed “untouchables” by society at that time, and so should we. So, who are the “untouchables” in our society that we should be reaching out to? Those who look different than we do, the dirty, smelly, poor, unattractive, or the one who is always alone off in the corner with their head hung low? Or how about those who are covered in tattoos and piercings and maybe even look scary to us, so we do not approach them? What about the quiet cleaning lady who comes late in the day when most of the employees have left for the day and probably goes unnoticed? Sometimes people put on a very tough exterior so as not to get hurt, but inside they are wasting away emotionally. They may smile or nod at those who walk by, but inside their heart is aching for someone to just notice them and speak a few kind, genuine words to them.

What if, instead, we were the ones on that end of the table…the one who goes unnoticed as we ache on the inside just hoping that we can reach out to someone, anyone, who will really listen to us? How would we want someone to treat us? Some of these people who quietly suffer inside do not know Christ as their personal savior, Lord and friend. We must show them Christ by loving them at their lowest. We may be the only “Bible” that some of these people ever “read.” Thankfully, we know that we have the Lord on our side, who is always there to comfort us in our troubles. II Corinthians 1:3-4 says, “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in ALL our troubles, SO THAT we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” (NIV) As wonderful as that is, however, we still need other people too. We are His hands and feet to show others the same love and comfort that He has given us when they need it in their troubles. Undoubtedly, God created us for relationships on earth.

Noticing the lonely, broken or “underdog” type may not come naturally to some people like it does to me. I purposely search out those people and start by acknowledging them with a smile, a hello or even a handshake or small compliment (this means nothing if artificial; it must be genuine, of course!) You never know whose life you are going to save or change for the better by one small act or word that comes from your heart!

For 40 years, I struggled with feeling like I had no purpose here and have spent considerable time in prayer asking God to show me what my purpose was. It has been difficult because I am one of those who dreams big and plays hard, works hard and loves hard. One of my biggest desires has been to change the world. However, it seems as if everything I have done has been for nothing or gets unnoticed. A few years ago, however, God showed me that the “ministry of acknowledgment” is vitally important; that is, to just simply acknowledge and show love to those who may not ever get noticed. Many of these people are hurting tremendously on the inside and I know, because I have been one of those people for years. I never realized that what I had been doing all along was viewed as a very important ministry in the eyes of God. Remember, anything done out of kindness, compassion or love never truly goes unnoticed. If you too feel like nothing you ever do gets noticed, try to view it from a different perspective. If you make a difference in someone’s life, you have made a huge difference.

I may not be the world-changer I longed to be, but I still have a purpose and plan to carry it out, no matter how small, and now I am encouraged to do this to the best of my ability. Sometimes, small = huge in God’s eyes, so do whatever it is He is calling you to do no matter how small it is. The God of the impossible can do mighty things through our obedience in doing the small things.