Plastic Faces

In our society, we walk among people who wear “plastic faces” every day. Even our churches are full of “plastic faces.” How does everyone answer the question, “How are you?” Do they begin to tell you of their difficulties or do they say “fine,” as if an automatic reflex? Usually this is said as we quickly pass by someone and not meant to get a drawn out, truthful answer. It is more like a greeting in that situation. However, about a year ago, it hit me that I too answer that question without even thinking about what I was saying. In 2013, I went through the hardest year of my life and every day was a huge struggle, but I would still answer “fine” to that meaningless question, sometimes up to ten times a day. It is not that I meant to deceive anyone, but I truly did not even think about it.

I am thankful for the few people who can read me better than that and call me on it. One of my friends actually says, “You’re lying to me, right?” I just have to crack a smile and shake my head yes. But really, in our very busy society, who wants to hear about the difficulties you are facing? Who really cares to hear about how your marriage is on its last leg, how you are underemployed and struggling, your kids are difficult to manage or that you are struggling with loneliness?

I was raised with the mindset that I had to stand strong, deal with it, ask help from nobody and figure it out on my own. That was a very hard thing to overcome for me and it took years to undo that mindset. However, when I became a single parent ten years ago, I was rudely awakened to the fact that I could NOT do it all on my own and first and foremost, I needed God to meet my every single need and that it was okay to ask for help. There were many new situations I found myself in where I absolutely could not “figure it out on my own” and needed to learn to ask for help when I really needed it.

Even when we moved to another state while my marriage was on its last leg and my husband ended up leaving a few months after we moved, leaving me and the kids alone in a strange big city with no savings, job or friends, I was a master at putting on my “plastic face” in front of the neighbors and even my church family. I moved around a lot with my husband’s job and had been in many churches and I learned that for the most part that you don’t share your struggles with the majority (but only a few close trusted friends) without being told, “You shouldn’t feel that way,” or being told some Christianese, pious answer from someone who obviously has it all together such as, “God is bigger. It will be fine. God is faithful. Just forgive and let go. God doesn’t want you to feel this way. God says don’t be anxious. Just pray about it. God can. Don’t be negative.” And the list goes on and on. So…I learned to keep my mouth shut and fight these battles alone. But is suffering in silence what God wants for us?

Almost four years ago, we were looking for a new church home and visited three new churches. I saw something I had not seen before while visiting these churches. The pastor would name three or four specific things that people were struggling in or needed prayer for certain situations and asked people to stand if they wanted prayer in those areas. The first time I heard this, I thought “Surely nobody will stand and admit that.” However, many people stood! This was something new and refreshing about that to me! The “plastic faces” fell off as these people stood up and humbly admitted they needed prayer (help) in these areas of their lives. What if all our churches could be this way? What if we all left our plastic faces at the door and they went straight to the dumpster, never again to be recovered? How different would our world be? Would there be a drastic reduction in suicide? Overdose? Addictions?

When I moved here, my next door neighbors were very friendly and always smiled and waved at me whenever we saw each other outside. Later, I found out that God had divinely placed me in that rental house next to these neighbors for something far bigger than I ever imagined. As I said previously, my marriage was on its last leg and I hid it well. I too would smile and wave at my neighbors as if I did not have a care in the world. My neighbor’s husband knew the truth though, because God had spoken to him specifically that I was going through something very difficult and would soon need a friend, so he strongly encouraged his wife as he told her what God had told him about me needing a friend.

At first, she did not believe her husband and said, “No, that’s crazy. She is always happy and smiles at us. There is nothing wrong. Maybe you are hearing God wrong.” However, he was very insistent and we did become friends. When my husband moved out a few months later, she told me what her husband had told her and at first she did not believe him, but then found out he was right when this happened. My husband and I were masters at hiding the disintegrating marriage we were in.

Several people even told me during this period of time, “You have such a wonderful husband. You are lucky.” Every time they said that, I would die a little more inside knowing the truth, and literally felt sick to my stomach. If only they knew the truth that I was afraid to tell for fear of being rejected once again or being told to hold my head up high and pray about it more and it would work out. How many people have heard this right before their life circumstances became too unbearable and they turned to alcohol or drugs to numb their pain or ended up taking their lives, dying alone in their pain?

At work there is a sticker posted which reads, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle.” So true! My life has been extremely difficult, but I am very thankful that God has faithfully gotten me through my battles! He has given me strength and courage to face many difficulties! He has also put a few special friends in my life that I can go to when I need encouragement and prayer to help me through those times.  However, not everyone has a relationship with God and depends on Him the way you and I do.

We may be the only one who shows God’s love to that person who comes across our path, and instead of numbing their pain or taking their lives, they may as a result turn to God and experience His love and be set free too. So, when someone is clearly not doing okay and they say they are “fine,” stop and ask how they really are and truly listen to them. Help them take off their plastic face as you take yours off too and be a difference maker for the Lord, because HE IS WORTHY of our best!! J