Survival Mode

Over the past three years, I have been in survival mode for the most part. I have battled significant health problems, loneliness, financial hardship (having had hours cut and a big pay cut) and spiritual battles on top of all of that. However, God has been with me through all of it and has confirmed that several times in the past year.

Through living in survival mode, I have become a much, much stronger person. I am no longer hurt by people who decide they no longer want to be in my life and by those who make mean-spirited comments. Life is very short and I do not have times to play games with people; either you like me or you don’t. I no longer waste time trying to please people (I am a natural born people-pleaser and rule follower) who really don’t have time for me. I no longer feel the sting of their rejection. I also found out quickly who my true friends were. The beauty in that situation, though, is that God always replaced “friends” with true friends.

God has brought some amazing friends into my life through this season and has blessed me with greater friends than I could ever imagine! He has given me “beauty for ashes” with the lost “friendships.” People come into and go out of our lives for a specific purpose, and when distance comes between true friends temporarily, the gap will eventually close and the friendship will become stronger because they belong in our lives (for a greater purpose). Those are the ones whom God puts in our lives to love us, enrich us, help us, encourage us, pray with us and for us and build us up and cheer us on when nobody else will. They are the ones who see the good, bad and ugly and are still proud to be our friend. What an amazing privilege to be this for someone else and a blessing for someone to be this for us! J

Proverbs 17:17 says that, “A friend loves at all times.” This is referring to a real, true friend. Hundreds of people may call you friend, but this is the trait of a real friend.

Besides becoming a much stronger person, I have also become even more confident that God is with me through EVERYTHING! Sometimes when we face great difficulties, our first questions is, “Where are you God?” and we feel as if he forgot about us or that he went out to lunch. I know I have felt like that at times too. However, I have learned though the past three years of “survival mode” that I would NOT HAVE survived this unless God WAS with me through every bit of it. When I felt like I wanted to give up and go under the past three years and I was hanging on by a thread, God was my source of strength as he put his big hand around mine, and we both held onto the “last straw,” so to speak. Isn’t God good??!! I no longer have any doubts about where he is when I need him, for I am confident that he is right there, even when I don’t feel him. For those times when you doubt him or are upset with him because you have felt like he left you, he is still right there beside you, so do not give up! God is your advocate and best friend! He will never leave you!

I find comfort in knowing that I “cannot get away from God” even if I tried; no matter what depth I fall to or what mountain I climb, because he is everywhere and there is no escaping him! This is great news to some of us, but to others this may be a scary thought. Even if every arrow that Satan throws has penetrated us so deeply that we feel like it is going to do us in, God’s strength is so much more! He is able to remove all those arrows and restore us by allowing good to come out of the bad (even the worst) situations. He specializes in that. It is up to us to trust him to do just that.

The last major thing I have “mastered” though the last three years is independence. I have always been such a people person that I did not know how to enjoy being alone sometimes. I thrived on being at every party or meeting. Sometimes I got so caught up in keeping busy with all the fun parties, meetings and cookouts that I could not even enjoy alone time. I would break out in a sweat to have to sit alone at church or in a restaurant. I felt very self-conscious because I felt like everyone was looking at me saying “what a loser having to sit by yourself.” I know I wasn’t a loser by any means, but I still felt stressed when sitting alone. Of course, let me state the obvious in case your mind goes here…I did not nor do I go to church to see my buddies. I know the real meaning to going is to (corporately) worship and love on the Lord and thank him for all he has done for me. My main focus was (and still is) on HIM when I go to worship service. I am just stating that in any social type situation, it caused anxiety to have to sit all alone.

I have learned to actually really enjoy being alone at times. Sitting alone in a restaurant or in church no longer causes the stress and anxiety it did before. My confidence has become such that I am able to be alone or sit alone with people all around me…and enjoy it peacefully. It gives me time to think, pray and reflect on things I would not be able to if I was with someone else. I am still amazed at this difference! I always felt before that I was going to “miss out on something important,” but now I realize I could never miss out on anything truly important because God will always see to it that I am around when something of true importance happens.

Not only have I learned to enjoy being alone, I have also not taken other people’s criticism to heart like I did before. I used to fall apart when someone yelled at me or criticized me, but I have noticed over the past two years that God has done something in me that gives me the ability to handle this without falling apart. I knew this changed in my life when my employer called me in and really got on me (and a co-worker) about something that was actually not even our fault. He said it with a smile the whole time, but his words cut and made the smile an unpleasant one. Normally in that situation, I would have left there in tears, but that time was different. I took it “like a man” so to speak and was unmoved afterwards. It became clear that God had given me a deeper inner strength that kept me from falling apart. It seems like these days, people in general are getting more hateful and mean-spirited and so these situations come up more frequently, unfortunately.

Besides these lessons, I have learned a few smaller lessons along the way too. It has been tough but when I look back, I love the way God has changed me little by little to be a stronger and better person. I have always been a thankful person, but I am even more thankful for the little things these days.

My point of view on several things has changed the past few years, and this is a good thing. One thing about bad times is that we are more appreciative when we overcome something else. We are changed by these times, and sometimes that is a really good thing. Praise the Lord: Survival mode becomes Overcomer mode!

Man's Best Friend

Proverbs states that, “As a dog returns to its own vomit, so a man repeats his folly.” How many times have we seen the evidence of this? Sometimes, it seems as if people don’t learn the first time, so the undesirable outcome has to happen over and over until the person is so tired of the result, they finally turn from their folly the hard way. I think that all of us have been guilty of this at one time or another, but there are some people who have made this a way of life. So, if we have the potential to behave like a dog in this way, could we also learn to behave like a dog when it comes to loving and accepting others the way they do too?

There are many admirable qualities I find in dogs that we would be wise in imitating when it comes to how we treat others. For example, have you noticed how faithful dogs are? For the most part, they are always right by your side, whether you are happy, sad, angry, tired, busy, etc. And if you get on to them when they misbehave, it’s not long before they are right back by your side, as if nothing ever happened. Their memory is short and before you know it, all is forgiven, as if nothing ever happened between you two. I wonder how much better human relationships would be if we were better able to do this with others? Instead of keeping in the front of our mind what somebody said to us and holding onto it, what if we let it go immediately, forgiving quickly and able to continue the relationship as if that thing never happened.

Even though Fido may have been mad that you left him home for a little too long and may have chewed up your favorite chair, surprising a very unhappy owner, it seems as if the whole incident is quickly forgotten as if it never happened and it’s “relationship as usual.” How I wish we could immediately let go of and completely forget something hurtful someone said or did to us and continue the “relationship as usual.” We lose trust and get hurt or angry very quickly, at least compared to canines. We all say or do things sometimes out of hurt, frustration, lack of sleep, not feeling quite up to par, hunger, stress or anger; therefore, we all need to be given grace at one time or another. Therefore, we should easily give grace to others, just as our canine friends give us so freely.

Dogs are also excellent comforters. I live a life of chronic physical pain and though most days are manageable, some days are very painful and all I can do is curl up under a blanket and park it on the couch for the day. My dog literally parks her rear-end right up on my shoulder, back or even on part of my face, wherever I happen to be in pain that particular day. I would not recommend literally doing this to anyone, of course, but I think you get the picture! J She does not even have to say a single word (of course she cannot speak, after all) and we don’t have to either when someone we love is hurting. All that matters is that we park ourselves right next to that person, letting them know that we are there and that we care. Nothing has to be said; presence is everything sometimes.

I have learned to master this over the past couple of years. Before, I always wanted to say as much as I could say to someone who was hurting because I wanted so badly for them to feel better. I felt like the more verbal encouragement I could give them, the better they would feel. However, I learned over time that sometimes it is much better just to say nothing, just listen and let them talk. People are so appreciative of this, sometimes even more so than encouraging them with your words (in some cases).

Another reason dogs are considered “Man’s best friend” is that they are so accepting of others, no matter what they look like, whether beautiful or ugly, fat or skinny, tattooed all over or clean shaven, black or white, unkempt or perfectly manicured. They are “blinded” to the things that keep humans from accepting or loving somebody because of how they look. People are so judgmental when it comes to warming up to someone based on their first view of them. Instead of getting to know that person for who they are on the inside, they “judge the book by its cover” and don’t take the next step to get to know what kind of beautiful or amazing person who is hiding inside a not-so-desirable (or in some cases, merely different) exterior.

I was bullied a lot in junior high and high school. I was called just about every name in the book from “ugly, fat, hideous, etc.” because I wasn’t thin and gorgeous. When I look back on pictures of myself, I sure would love to be that thin again! Oh how people can poison our minds when they treat us differently or name call because we aren’t what society considers desirable or attractive. I have had more people than I can count in my adult years, however, tell me I am a very beautiful spirit (person on the inside) and that this beauty flows out of me. Even though some people do not take the time to get to know me based on how I look on the outside (and I know many other people have also had this experience), they are missing the beauty that lies within, and this is so much more important than physical beauty, which fades over time.

I have to admit, I have difficulty with talking to or accepting beautiful people. I think I feel intimidated by them (and self-conscious) or assume because of past experience that they won’t want to hang out with me or get to know me because of the way I look anyway, so I just avoid them. I somehow feel that their life must be a fairy tale and that they don’t know the hurt I go through because of what I face on a daily basis. People look at them and want to be instant friends and everyone loves them because they are drawn to their physical beauty. That is something I became aware of in myself about a year ago, and I am working to change that. Because in a way, I am not giving them a chance either. I assume their life is easy and mine is far from easy.

Case in point, a lady at church who is a friend of mine is beautiful…tall, thin, gorgeous red hair; an all-around beauty. Though at first I didn’t want to get too close to her because of my assumptions, I later learned all of the very difficult hardships she has faced in life too. That experience really woke me up about a year ago. So, in a way I am learning to become more like a dog in this way. I tend to gravitate more towards the unlovely, the overlooked, unnoticed person. I am trying to expand that, however, and love everyone with that same love…even the outward beauty.

Dogs are so very wise when it comes to people. I am expanding my horizons so that I too can be wise in this way. This is also the kind of friend that God is to each one of us who trust in Him and I too want to love others even more than I already do, regardless of how beautiful they look on the outside, even if I am intimidated by them. Dogs are a great physical representation of God’s love for each one of us, and a great example to us of what it means to truly love others. I thank the Lord for a dog’s love! J