Survival Mode

Over the past three years, I have been in survival mode for the most part. I have battled significant health problems, loneliness, financial hardship (having had hours cut and a big pay cut) and spiritual battles on top of all of that. However, God has been with me through all of it and has confirmed that several times in the past year.

Through living in survival mode, I have become a much, much stronger person. I am no longer hurt by people who decide they no longer want to be in my life and by those who make mean-spirited comments. Life is very short and I do not have times to play games with people; either you like me or you don’t. I no longer waste time trying to please people (I am a natural born people-pleaser and rule follower) who really don’t have time for me. I no longer feel the sting of their rejection. I also found out quickly who my true friends were. The beauty in that situation, though, is that God always replaced “friends” with true friends.

God has brought some amazing friends into my life through this season and has blessed me with greater friends than I could ever imagine! He has given me “beauty for ashes” with the lost “friendships.” People come into and go out of our lives for a specific purpose, and when distance comes between true friends temporarily, the gap will eventually close and the friendship will become stronger because they belong in our lives (for a greater purpose). Those are the ones whom God puts in our lives to love us, enrich us, help us, encourage us, pray with us and for us and build us up and cheer us on when nobody else will. They are the ones who see the good, bad and ugly and are still proud to be our friend. What an amazing privilege to be this for someone else and a blessing for someone to be this for us! J

Proverbs 17:17 says that, “A friend loves at all times.” This is referring to a real, true friend. Hundreds of people may call you friend, but this is the trait of a real friend.

Besides becoming a much stronger person, I have also become even more confident that God is with me through EVERYTHING! Sometimes when we face great difficulties, our first questions is, “Where are you God?” and we feel as if he forgot about us or that he went out to lunch. I know I have felt like that at times too. However, I have learned though the past three years of “survival mode” that I would NOT HAVE survived this unless God WAS with me through every bit of it. When I felt like I wanted to give up and go under the past three years and I was hanging on by a thread, God was my source of strength as he put his big hand around mine, and we both held onto the “last straw,” so to speak. Isn’t God good??!! I no longer have any doubts about where he is when I need him, for I am confident that he is right there, even when I don’t feel him. For those times when you doubt him or are upset with him because you have felt like he left you, he is still right there beside you, so do not give up! God is your advocate and best friend! He will never leave you!

I find comfort in knowing that I “cannot get away from God” even if I tried; no matter what depth I fall to or what mountain I climb, because he is everywhere and there is no escaping him! This is great news to some of us, but to others this may be a scary thought. Even if every arrow that Satan throws has penetrated us so deeply that we feel like it is going to do us in, God’s strength is so much more! He is able to remove all those arrows and restore us by allowing good to come out of the bad (even the worst) situations. He specializes in that. It is up to us to trust him to do just that.

The last major thing I have “mastered” though the last three years is independence. I have always been such a people person that I did not know how to enjoy being alone sometimes. I thrived on being at every party or meeting. Sometimes I got so caught up in keeping busy with all the fun parties, meetings and cookouts that I could not even enjoy alone time. I would break out in a sweat to have to sit alone at church or in a restaurant. I felt very self-conscious because I felt like everyone was looking at me saying “what a loser having to sit by yourself.” I know I wasn’t a loser by any means, but I still felt stressed when sitting alone. Of course, let me state the obvious in case your mind goes here…I did not nor do I go to church to see my buddies. I know the real meaning to going is to (corporately) worship and love on the Lord and thank him for all he has done for me. My main focus was (and still is) on HIM when I go to worship service. I am just stating that in any social type situation, it caused anxiety to have to sit all alone.

I have learned to actually really enjoy being alone at times. Sitting alone in a restaurant or in church no longer causes the stress and anxiety it did before. My confidence has become such that I am able to be alone or sit alone with people all around me…and enjoy it peacefully. It gives me time to think, pray and reflect on things I would not be able to if I was with someone else. I am still amazed at this difference! I always felt before that I was going to “miss out on something important,” but now I realize I could never miss out on anything truly important because God will always see to it that I am around when something of true importance happens.

Not only have I learned to enjoy being alone, I have also not taken other people’s criticism to heart like I did before. I used to fall apart when someone yelled at me or criticized me, but I have noticed over the past two years that God has done something in me that gives me the ability to handle this without falling apart. I knew this changed in my life when my employer called me in and really got on me (and a co-worker) about something that was actually not even our fault. He said it with a smile the whole time, but his words cut and made the smile an unpleasant one. Normally in that situation, I would have left there in tears, but that time was different. I took it “like a man” so to speak and was unmoved afterwards. It became clear that God had given me a deeper inner strength that kept me from falling apart. It seems like these days, people in general are getting more hateful and mean-spirited and so these situations come up more frequently, unfortunately.

Besides these lessons, I have learned a few smaller lessons along the way too. It has been tough but when I look back, I love the way God has changed me little by little to be a stronger and better person. I have always been a thankful person, but I am even more thankful for the little things these days.

My point of view on several things has changed the past few years, and this is a good thing. One thing about bad times is that we are more appreciative when we overcome something else. We are changed by these times, and sometimes that is a really good thing. Praise the Lord: Survival mode becomes Overcomer mode!