Remove the Plank!

Have you noticed that even toddlers know when someone wrongs them? It is human nature to notice when someone else “steals our toy” and then we throw a tantrum, but when we want something we have no problems grabbing a toy from the other kid. Because selfishness is human nature, it comes far easier to overlook when we do something wrong but notice immediately when someone else does something wrong.

If we are not careful, this attitude can carry over into adulthood. This is characterized by pointing out everyone else’s flaws yet failing to recognize our own. I have noticed over time that the ones who are so busy pointing out how everyone around them is prideful, for example, are the ones who think the world revolves around THEM and they are just angry because someone else is getting recognition for something, which takes the spotlight off of THEM.

Matthew 7:5 states, “You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.” There are few things worse than when someone close to you points out with great magnitude how (they thought you did something) wrong but then cannot admit when they are wrong.

Whenever somebody says or does something out of line, it is sometimes far more effective to pray for them instead of obsessing over the speck in their eye. For one thing, intensions can be mistaken and what we perceive is far different than the intensions they had. It is also possible that maybe there is some jealousy at play on our part, so we just need to keep quiet. There are other times, however, when it is in everyone’s best interest to point out something that was said or done wrong and should be made right.

Soon after I got divorced, a co-worker told me very firmly and with an attitude of self-righteousness, “You sinned because you got divorced!” She did not know the whole story or the fact that an unfaithful, abusive spouse who no longer wanted me but anyone else younger and prettier was the main reason behind the divorce. She jumped to conclusions. Several years later, we had come across each other’s path again and started catching up with each other’s lives when she brought up the fact that her husband had just about crossed that line of unfaithfulness and how she said to him, “Oh, no you don’t! I am out of here if you go there!” Hmmm…I found it ironic that when she was placed in a similar situation, she was more than ready to give her husband the boot, even though a few years earlier she had faulted me for getting out of a marriage where that line had already been crossed!

I am very careful whenever I pray for someone else’s issue (whether it be with pride, not picking up the slack at work, etc.) because I too have areas that need improvement. When I do pray for the Holy Spirit’s conviction over someone, I am also deliberate about asking for the Holy Spirit to convict me when I do something I should not do too or if I were ever do the same thing, because not a single one of us is immune from doing something that we hate to see other people do. We are just as guilty although our wrongdoings are just in different areas. This was not something that came easily or automatic but it was something I had to learn how to do deliberately and then it became second-nature.

Just remember, when we are pointing one finger at someone else, four fingers are pointing back at ourselves. J

The Least of These

Truly serving the Lord is not glamorous, clean, comfortable or easy business. We must learn to step out of our squeaky clean parameters and physically go to the hurting where they are at. Although it is true that there are hurting people everywhere including churches and it is very important to help and comfort them as well, we also need to help and comfort those who are in the hospital, the homeless wandering the streets and the prisoner. Of course, we need to use common sense and not put ourselves in imminent danger, but there are a vast number of people out there in these three predicaments just wishing someone would notice. If only the friends of some of these people had not left them when in these situations, life would be more tolerable. If only more people would turn to the hurting instead of turning away when they needed someone the most…

I never remember one verse in scripture where Jesus was living in luxury, stayed out of the seedy parts of town and purposely avoided those in dire need. We often see him hanging out with and ministering to the sinners, the unclean and others who were considered the “least of these.” He walked for days on end and consequently most likely had dirty feet, uncombed hair and wore plain clothes. The Bible describes Him as ordinary-looking and having no beauty or majesty to attract us to him. (Isaiah 53:2b) He went in, rolled up his sleeves and got dirty with “the least of these.” Shouldn’t we be doing the same? After all, we are now His hands and feet to a hurting world. If we don’t show love to those in the most need around us, they may die in their suffering never seeing the hands and feet of Jesus reaching out to show them that someone cares.

Seven years ago, I started working with a dear lady with whom I ended up working with for four years and we became good friends. Right before I met her, her only son had been arrested and had to serve 7-8 years. I saw a picture of him on her desk and asked about him. He looked a little familiar to me and so I asked about him. When I asked further questions, thinking I had surely met him before, she started to cry, saying that he was in jail and would be there for a long time. It broke my heart to see a broken mother who missed her son. I had two choices right then and there. I could have brushed it off and said, “Oh well, he messed up and has to live with the consequences now,” or I could have supported my new friend, a fellow mother in a state that I could not even imagine being in nor would I want to be. I will confess that this was the first time I had ever seen what the family of an incarcerated person goes through and my eyes were opened. We don’t usually get to see the whole picture.

Over the course of months, she and I talked about the type of child he was growing up and the things she loved about him. She never once made excuses for him or said he was innocent, ever. She knew he had done something wrong and was now facing the consequences. She also told me that all of his friends but one cut him out of their lives because of this, so I offered to write him. I almost felt like I knew him from the many conversations we had about him. I was moved by compassion to act and do something for someone who was abandoned by his friends. I have been there too. Not incarcerated, but when I have needed people the most, many of my “friends” left me high and dry.

I wanted him to know that at least ONE person outside of his family noticed and was going to show him God’s love as he was facing what would be some very difficult years ahead. I also wanted him to know that God would never leave him or forsake him, even after making the worst decision in his life, which got him there. I wrote him regularly, sharing encouraging scriptures, trying to lift his spirits and telling him about my life, what I have been through, how I turned to God every time and how He faithfully saw me through.

 Hebrews 13:3 says, “Continue to remember those in prison as if you were together with them in prison, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering.” Is this glamorous? No. Is it worth it? Yes. When we remember those who are suffering, even if it is by their own fault, we are blessed and we are being obedient to what God’s word says about how we are to treat “the least of these.”

Some of the best memories I have are of being there for someone who needed to know they were still important, a jewel in the eyes of God. From the young lady I prayed with who had just totaled her car in front of my house and was alone, afraid and begging me to hold her and pray with her to the homeless couple I was able to encourage through an outreach by really listening to their hearts, sharing words of life with them, hugging them and serving them lunch to the young man in prison who just needed to know someone cares about him too, I have learned that I would rather be doing nothing else than rolling up my sleeves and going in where most people turn away. 

Are you ready to roll up your sleeves, get dirty and minister to the down and out, like Jesus did? Or, will you continue to look the other way and stay in your comfort zone and play it safe? Remember, whatever we do to the least of these we do for HIM.

Expect the Unexpected!

I have found it very interesting that whenever I am praying about a big need to be filled, I tend to ask God to provide that need and then in excitement and anticipation, I mull over all the different possibilities of how God could intervene so that this particular need would be met. It is actually fun coming up with all the possible scenarios in this itty bitty finite mind of mine. I can just imagine that the Lord is thoroughly entertained by these very limited scenarios going through my mind with a smile on his face, shaking his head as if to say, “You are so far off.” The funniest thing of all is that every single time, he answers the prayer in a totally different way than I ever expected!

I used to think I was the only one who did this until I read in John 5 about the invalid who had laid by the pool of “healing water” which was believed (in their culture) to heal the first diseased person who got into the water after the angel stirred up the pool. This particular man had been in this terrible state for 38 years and every time he tried to get into the water first, someone else always beat him to it. When Jesus came up to this man having learned that he had been in this sad state for so long, he asked this man if he wanted to get well. The man then proceeded to tell Jesus that he had nobody to help him get into the pool so he could get in first and be healed. Logically, one would expect Jesus to give him a hand and help him into the pool at the appropriate time so he could be healed. Instead, however, Jesus did something far better and told him to get up, pick up his mat and walk! I can imagine this guy must have initially been shocked at the instruction, staring at him with his mouth gaping open.

Why would Jesus have gone about things in a totally unexpected way like this? For one, maybe the “power of the healing waters” was just a myth and Jesus did not want this man to believe that the power was in the water itself. Or maybe he was revealing himself as Jehovah Rapha, the one TRUE miraculous healer, to build this man’s faith in him alone to meet all of his needs. The reason Jesus went about the healing this way is not as important as the fact that Jesus met the need in a miraculous way, because he could and it grew this man’s faith in him.

Could it be that this is why God chooses to answer our prayers in a totally different way than we expect so that our faith in him grows as we see God do the impossible in unimaginable ways? The Bible says that his ways are far higher than our ways and his thoughts higher than our thoughts (Isaiah 55:9). His power knows no bounds and he is not limited in resources or by time and space. We are so very limited in what we can do or think and for this reason, we tend to think of all the possibilities “inside the box.”

Every time, the Lord makes me smile when he answers these prayers by supplying my needs in a way that blows my socks off! The latest example is with my son’s college textbooks, which were going to be quite expensive. As I began to pray about it and even picked up some extra hours at work, I thought that God was going to answer my prayer through the extra work hours to pay for his books (pay back the debt owed on the book purchase). When the hours still came up too short to be able to pay for them, I remembered that my dad had told me at my son’s graduation to let him know how much my son’s college books were going to be and he would like to do something to help. Thinking that this was how God was going to provide, I called and let my dad know how much they were but he did not even respond or say anything more about it. This was very unlike my dad because whenever he says he will help with something, he always comes through.

It seemed I was running out of options at this point, but I continued praying for this need to be met. About three weeks after talking to my dad (and two months into the school year), an unexpected check came from the school financial office reimbursing me for about 90% of the cost of the books! I had no idea that his scholarship funds had enough to pay for the books and I was never informed it would cover the books at all. As a matter of fact, we were told to apply for a book scholarship (as his ACT score was quite high so he was eligible for free books) but we missed the deadline to due to a series of unavoidable circumstances.

There are several other examples I could share, but this one confirmed to me again to expect the unexpected from God and don’t try to figure out how it is going to work out in the end. Just pray and trust that he will meet the needs as they come up and leave the rest to him.

After all, he specializes in doing the unexpected.

Bloom Where You Are Planted

It is so easy to complain or become weary of being in a difficult situation we do not want to be in. We can think of all the reasons we “can’t wait to get out of this dead-end job,” for example. I have been there more than once, so I know how hard it is to see the light of day when in a job or a particular church, for example, where I don’t really want to be and I can list all the reasons why I would rather be anywhere else. When things get overwhelmingly difficult, we humans tend to want to escape to something better. “If only I could get a better paying job, if only I wasn’t an outcast at this school or if only I was married to a good man, then…”  Yes, then I would be happy, because in my mind, anything else has to be better than this situation. But then again, I have been on the flip side too and I have learned that no matter what difficult place we find ourselves at physically, there are places that could be (and are) even worse! The best story I can use to illustrate this is that of the frog who found himself in a frying pan with the stove turned on and it was very hot, so he jumped into the pot of water next to it which slowly boiled him to death. Because the frog’s surroundings seemed better temporarily he did not even realize this too was a dangerous predicament until it was too late.

How many people jump from one bad relationship to another or leave a good spouse for “something better” because they are not happy enough where they are? Or how about the guy I know who quit his job because he was miserable where he was working only to find himself unemployed for a few years afterwards. Sometimes, we fail to look at the blessings right where we are because the difficulties seem to outweigh the blessings.

About six years ago, I was in a job that I felt was a terrible fit for me. Every day I would go in, more and more stressed as the day went on, only to end up leaving in tears. One part of the job came very easy to me and I did quite well at, but the other part of the job was just not clicking with me and I felt like I was a square peg being forced into a round hole. Not only that, but I was transferred to another office that had a lot less traffic and was in a part of town less desirable than the one I was transferred from. Grumble, grumble was my new mantra. Now my commission would nose-dive and I would have to drive twice the distance to work! I found out quickly this office had less than half the traffic of the first location I worked, which meant “good bye, commission.” However, I tried hard to stick it out even though I left most days very frustrated!

I am a single parent, so I really depended on the income and commission. I was willing to do what it took to learn the job completely to no avail. I did my very best, which was still not enough. It was like telling a fish to walk in the shallow water like a duck. Impossible. Finally, the manager called me a few weeks into the job out at the new location and dropped the bomb, which was actually a relief, and told me that she did not think this job was a good fit for me (I totally agreed). I do not give up easily; I am very persistent and stubborn, which I have had to be because of all the great difficulties I have been through that would have destroyed almost any normal person with average strength and resiliency. Although most people see these traits as a negative (which they can be sometimes), I believe God gifted me with them so that I could survive all I have been through and I am thankful!

However, all of that being said, while I was at the undesirable job location I had time to minister to a young lady who had fallen far away from God and the church. Having just been through a divorce and all the struggles that come with that just a few years prior, I shared with her that without God and my church family and all that God has helped me through, I literally would have fallen apart after my divorce. We had many great conversations about that sort of thing and I just tried loving on her and showing her Jesus’ love. In that short time I was there, the Lord spoke to this young lady through me and my difficulties to bring her back to Him. She was very thankful and told me directly that, “I feel that God led you here specifically to help me see that I need to come back to him,” which she did as a result. I think she felt she had fallen too far away to come back with all the things she had done and the fact that she was very young and pregnant out of wedlock. That alone made EVERY difficult day there worth it! Sometimes we do not see the whole picture until the very end of a situation or maybe even months or years later, but every situation we are in is for a reason whether we see it or not at the time.

The two things I learned through that experience was: 1) Don’t complain about where the Lord has me because in some way He has a purpose for me being where I am, and 2) Bloom right where I am planted and make the best out of a difficult situation. I have carried those lessons with me ever since then. Another valuable lesson I learned was that I can find things to be happy about no matter where I am because I now realize that God has me placed there for someone or something and He is using me…right where I am planted.

No Condemnation

I grew up in a very condemning home as a child. For my first 18 years, all I heard was how everything I did was wrong. I could never mow the lawn “just so” and I never seemed to quite finish the job perfectly like I was expected to. When I worked very hard in school and did my very best by getting a “B,” I was asked why I didn’t do better. I was seen and treated as an adult in a child’s body and expected to “know better” (even though I didn’t), and not as a child who is learning and needed to be guided and taught how to do things the right way. My environment was not one of love, grace or acceptance nor did I ever hear, “good try” or “I am proud of you.” I did frequently hear “dummy,” however.

As a result, I set very unrealistic expectations on myself that were impossible to keep and when I did not live up to them, I condemned myself for being so “stupid, unworthy or not good enough.” I would find myself saying, “If only you were smarter, better, thinner or prettier.”

I constantly played the game of comparing myself to others who were smart, attractive and successful, which of course brought jealousy and sadness. That game will wear you down and tear you down more quickly than anything else I know of and I played it for years. Looking back on those years, I realize that what I was doing was saying “God, you made a mistake here! I am no good. Why is everyone else so much better?” For years, I felt that God had surely made a mistake when he created me. That is what condemnation does.

Condemnation is defined as the expression of very strong disapproval, synonymous with criticism, denunciation and vilification. It also means condemning someone to a punishment, sentencing. Because I grew up in an environment devoid of love, affection and encouragement and was always told how I never measured up nor would I ever, I fell for the lies that condemnation told me and it took years to undo. Every single thing I did as a child, even the good things done with my best attempts were met with very strong disapproval. Criticism abounded and broke my spirit. For several years afterwards, even when I did something well and put forward my best effort, I always found too many flaws in it. It did not matter how many people told me how good something looked or turned out, the voice of condemnation rang louder in my head, blocking out the praise.

Although I always had a strong faith in God even throughout my childhood, I still fought with feelings of not being good enough. I still struggled with feelings of inadequacy that told me I was not even good enough for God or heaven (though I really knew better). [Thank God that none of us are good enough and it is only by his grace that we are saved!] It took several years of being out of that childhood environment I was in, but God gradually replaced the feelings of condemnation with his loving presence. It took years of persistence and patience on God’s part but he set me free from the continuous “prison of condemnation” I was in!

Though I was saved as a child and even re-dedicated my life to the Lord when I was 16, I still had the “demons” from the past to wade through. Those who have been through very difficult childhoods or in very abusive relationships understand how difficult this cycle is to break. From my personal experience and in seeing those who have had to deal with pasts like this, it is very clear that ONLY by the power of the blood of Jesus can one be set free from living in the “prison” of condemnation! Even then, it sometimes takes months or years to re-train your brain to see the good in yourself and shake off the voice of condemnation when you make a mistake or something doesn’t turn out right.

Throughout the last 20 years, I have learned to go easy on myself and that it is indeed okay to be imperfect. I learned that even if my floors were not pristine enough to eat off of, it was okay. If my floor boards were not dusted and my kid’s face was dirty, the world would NOT end! I even learned that it was (and is) okay to laugh at myself and my imperfections! How amazing and freeing this has been after being stuck where I was for so long!

Romans 8:1 says, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Although we may have grown up with very condemning parents or have lived with a very condemning spouse, we need to remember that God does not condemn those of us who are in Christ Jesus. Instead, he gently convicts us (shows us the answer to the problem). There is a vast difference between the two.

 

Condemnation would be God standing over us like a parent yelling, “Not good enough! What a failure you are!” However, the conviction of God is like a loving parent standing next to us when we make a mistake or commit a sin and in a gentle, loving way shows you how to do it the right way. Though he shows us what is wrong, he even more importantly shows us how to make it right (by the blood of Jesus, which washes away sin).

I still remember the first time in my life when someone chewed me out and instead of walking away ashamed with my head held low and feeling horrible about the situation, I left with a totally different feeling. I was able to walk away with my head held high and said, “This is still okay; it is not the end of the world. He will get over it. I know I did not do this intentionally and meant no harm.” My boss had called me in and with a smile on his face (which is the worst way to get chewed out) said that he did not appreciate the fact that me (and my co-worker) were not getting something done. This was completely out of our control, because he did not do the work required of him so that we could do our part.

That event happened within the past five years. My boss did not discuss these matters with kindness or grace and in years past this would have left me in tears. Instead, however, I walked away…perfectly fine with the situation and with myself, victorious!

Checkmate.