No Condemnation

I grew up in a very condemning home as a child. For my first 18 years, all I heard was how everything I did was wrong. I could never mow the lawn “just so” and I never seemed to quite finish the job perfectly like I was expected to. When I worked very hard in school and did my very best by getting a “B,” I was asked why I didn’t do better. I was seen and treated as an adult in a child’s body and expected to “know better” (even though I didn’t), and not as a child who is learning and needed to be guided and taught how to do things the right way. My environment was not one of love, grace or acceptance nor did I ever hear, “good try” or “I am proud of you.” I did frequently hear “dummy,” however.

As a result, I set very unrealistic expectations on myself that were impossible to keep and when I did not live up to them, I condemned myself for being so “stupid, unworthy or not good enough.” I would find myself saying, “If only you were smarter, better, thinner or prettier.”

I constantly played the game of comparing myself to others who were smart, attractive and successful, which of course brought jealousy and sadness. That game will wear you down and tear you down more quickly than anything else I know of and I played it for years. Looking back on those years, I realize that what I was doing was saying “God, you made a mistake here! I am no good. Why is everyone else so much better?” For years, I felt that God had surely made a mistake when he created me. That is what condemnation does.

Condemnation is defined as the expression of very strong disapproval, synonymous with criticism, denunciation and vilification. It also means condemning someone to a punishment, sentencing. Because I grew up in an environment devoid of love, affection and encouragement and was always told how I never measured up nor would I ever, I fell for the lies that condemnation told me and it took years to undo. Every single thing I did as a child, even the good things done with my best attempts were met with very strong disapproval. Criticism abounded and broke my spirit. For several years afterwards, even when I did something well and put forward my best effort, I always found too many flaws in it. It did not matter how many people told me how good something looked or turned out, the voice of condemnation rang louder in my head, blocking out the praise.

Although I always had a strong faith in God even throughout my childhood, I still fought with feelings of not being good enough. I still struggled with feelings of inadequacy that told me I was not even good enough for God or heaven (though I really knew better). [Thank God that none of us are good enough and it is only by his grace that we are saved!] It took several years of being out of that childhood environment I was in, but God gradually replaced the feelings of condemnation with his loving presence. It took years of persistence and patience on God’s part but he set me free from the continuous “prison of condemnation” I was in!

Though I was saved as a child and even re-dedicated my life to the Lord when I was 16, I still had the “demons” from the past to wade through. Those who have been through very difficult childhoods or in very abusive relationships understand how difficult this cycle is to break. From my personal experience and in seeing those who have had to deal with pasts like this, it is very clear that ONLY by the power of the blood of Jesus can one be set free from living in the “prison” of condemnation! Even then, it sometimes takes months or years to re-train your brain to see the good in yourself and shake off the voice of condemnation when you make a mistake or something doesn’t turn out right.

Throughout the last 20 years, I have learned to go easy on myself and that it is indeed okay to be imperfect. I learned that even if my floors were not pristine enough to eat off of, it was okay. If my floor boards were not dusted and my kid’s face was dirty, the world would NOT end! I even learned that it was (and is) okay to laugh at myself and my imperfections! How amazing and freeing this has been after being stuck where I was for so long!

Romans 8:1 says, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Although we may have grown up with very condemning parents or have lived with a very condemning spouse, we need to remember that God does not condemn those of us who are in Christ Jesus. Instead, he gently convicts us (shows us the answer to the problem). There is a vast difference between the two.

 

Condemnation would be God standing over us like a parent yelling, “Not good enough! What a failure you are!” However, the conviction of God is like a loving parent standing next to us when we make a mistake or commit a sin and in a gentle, loving way shows you how to do it the right way. Though he shows us what is wrong, he even more importantly shows us how to make it right (by the blood of Jesus, which washes away sin).

I still remember the first time in my life when someone chewed me out and instead of walking away ashamed with my head held low and feeling horrible about the situation, I left with a totally different feeling. I was able to walk away with my head held high and said, “This is still okay; it is not the end of the world. He will get over it. I know I did not do this intentionally and meant no harm.” My boss had called me in and with a smile on his face (which is the worst way to get chewed out) said that he did not appreciate the fact that me (and my co-worker) were not getting something done. This was completely out of our control, because he did not do the work required of him so that we could do our part.

That event happened within the past five years. My boss did not discuss these matters with kindness or grace and in years past this would have left me in tears. Instead, however, I walked away…perfectly fine with the situation and with myself, victorious!

Checkmate.