2016: Trust

 

Since 2013, I have chosen a word of the year. This word describes something positive I want to focus on for that new year and has to do with some area I need to grow in and currently have difficulty maintaining in my life. When I choose my special word, I draw a little poster and put it on my bathroom mirror where I can be reminded every morning and evening what my word  as well as glean encouragement from it.

For example, my word for both 2013 and 2014 was "rest." As a single mom of two active boys with three jobs at that time, God was asking me to rest, which was something I struggled with because I had no time to rest nor did I want to "waste time" laying around. I was raised that you never sit down but you work from sun up to sun down, so this was hard to re-train my brain to do. But in obedience to God and for my health, sanity and well-being, I focused on making time to rest. I needed two years to complete this very arduous task. Today, I am happy to say I have a much easier time resting and do not feel guilty about it either! I have been through a lot physically since 2013 but God has also healed a lot of physical problems too, which I attribute in part to resting.

My word last year was "peace." I tend to freak out when I am down to the wire (at the last minute) when things seem to be going in the wrong direction or if things do not seem to be working out when I have deadlines to meet. I am the type of person to "get 'er done" and it is very stressful for me to have loose ends or not get something done way ahead of time so business is taken care of before things get stressful. I was going to choose shalom (peace) and say NO to doubt, worry and stress, knowing that God is the ULTIMATE peace. On my little poster, I wrote the following verses to encourage me to remain in peace: Isaiah 30:15, "In quietness and trust is your strength," I Peter 5:7, "Cast ALL your anxiety on him because he cares for you," and Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the thoughts/plans I have for you...for welfare and peace and not for evil but to give you hope..." I had to continuously commit myself to being persistent and remaining in peace when things got hairy. In 2015, I did improve in having peace in the midst of stress and hope to become even better.

This year (2016), my word is "trust." The verses I wrote on my little poster were Psalm 56:3, "When I am afraid, I put my trust in you," Isaiah 30:15, "In quietness and trust is your strength," and Psalm 46:10, "Be still and know that I am God." I am going to choose to say NO to fear and doubt. Because I have been through so many very difficult circumstances in life, some of which were traumatic, I tend to question God as to why...a lot. I am a very inquisitive person by nature and I absolutely love learning new things and I have always wondered how everything works and why it works the way it does. Because of this, I find myself even asking God, "Why?" Why have those who have abused me for years and years gotten away with it? Why does everything I put so much time, effort and prayer into STILL fail? Why have so many people rejected me when I have always been extremely kind, loving, gentle, merciful and forgiven people and everyone says I have such a sweet, gentle spirit? Why do I still struggle financially when I live frugally, work hard, tithe faithfully, save a little aside every chance I can and pray too? Lord...do you see? Do you even care?

These things, however, have changed me into a MUCH stronger person today and a lot of things that used to hurt me no longer affect me. I quit trying to gain everyone's approval and love and started walking away from those whom I had to "prove myself" to. Now my attitude is, "If you like me, great, if not, great." I will no longer let those people make me feel less than or once again rejected and unworthy. I am an amazing person created uniquely by God and by golly, I am one of the best friends you could ever have. So, if you reject me, that is your loss, not mine. What a freeing experience!

Back to my new word for 2016...trust. On New Year's Eve day (even before 2016 started!), I was hit by another car (rear-ended). I was stopped at a light and the driver behind me was not paying attention (actually looking at another accident that had just happened on the side of the road) when he hit me! I have had nothing but difficult decisions to make, stress and because the insurance company "totaled out" my car, declaring it a total loss, I have to get another vehicle. My car that was hit was paid off. Now I have to start over with a new vehicle, though my insurance money will help out some. However, just one more thing I do not need on a tight budget. So now my trust "muscles" are being used right away. Am I going to trust that God will bring me another good, reliable car again that I can afford? Did I make the right decisions with regards to what happened? Why does it seem like I am the one who lost out when I was an innocent bystander and happened to get hit from behind and the insurance company and repair facility seemed to have gotten the better end of the deal?

Well, those were questions in the back of my mind initially, but immediately afterwards I said to myself, "No, you are just going to wait on God to sort all of this out. He knows you need another good, reliable car and he knows the financial situation. He knew this accident was going to happen. He is already working behind the scenes to get the right car for you. Just be still and trust in him, knowing that he is God." Here we go...