Though the
Olive crop fails and the fields produce no food,
Though there
are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stall,
Yet I will
rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my savior.” Habakkuk
3:17-18 (NIV)
As I write this, I am discovering what it truly takes to be joyful in
God my savior when everything I have worked so hard for may be taken away. I
have been searching high and low for a full-time job, or even another part-time
job to supplement my other part-time job. It has been a struggle of near epic
proportion as I went from 43 hours a week two years ago to 30 hours currently
and a significant pay cut on top of that. Of course, this was a blessing in
that my health took a turn for the worst at that time and had I continued
working the hours and job I was, I would have crashed and burned! Through this,
I saw that God gives us what we need and He “has my back,” literally. What we
see as a step backward may actually be what God uses to help us in greater ways
to get us where we need to be.
I live very simply and frugally. I am not into the latest gadgets nor
do I have to have things to make me happy. I buy everything used that I can
reasonably buy (some things are not good to buy used, even if the Salvation
Army offers it!). J
I also learned 15 years ago the futility of trying to “keep up with the
Jones’s” and that this was not a healthy way to live, because things do NOT buy
true happiness (only Jesus gives true happiness/joy!)
So if I am doing everything right that I can possibly do, and am
leaving the rest up to God to do (because I know that He can do far above and
beyond what I can do, ask or imagine), why this continuous struggle? Why do I
find myself in a position where, five months from now, if God does not do a
financial miracle with my employment, I may lose my house (when I am due to
lose 2/3 of my house payment)?
God has provided in many, many ways in the last ten years as a single
mom. I have seen Him do the “impossible” to provide for me and the boys, even
during short periods of unemployment (company lay-offs and a boss who retired).
He has come through for me for things as small as a much-needed allergy tablet
that fell out of the dryer when I did not have enough money to get more allergy
medication and was developing a monster of a sinus/allergy headache (that
sometimes turns into migraines!) He also worked out a series of miracles so
that I could FINALLY get a very good, reliable and affordable car that was not
in the shop constantly as my previous vehicle had been, which, to a single mom,
is BIG.
So now that I am facing this big challenge in front of me, why am I so
scared? God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow, right? I have a whole
book filled with times that God has provided again and again and again, so why
should this time be different?
God really built my faith through the first five years of my single
parenting years by coming through for me, time and time again, for every need
that came up. Now that my faith has been built up more solid and unshakable
though those experiences, I believe that God is now taking me to a whole new
level of faith.
He asked me a very important question a little over a year ago, which
was “Do you trust me?” When the Lord asked me that initially, I was taken
aback. My faith had really been built up and strengthened as I saw Him provide
for and protect me again and again throughout my life, especially since
becoming a single mom. At first, I was confused as to why He would ask me that
because my faith had been strong and of course, I trusted Him (I had no reason
not to trust Him). However, I really began to think about that question. I
believe He wanted me to come to the realization that although I did trust Him
for most things, could I still trust Him if I lost everything? What if my house
burned down and I lost every single thing to my name? Or, what if I lost one or
both of my children? Could I still fully trust Him then? At that moment, I
honestly did not know if I could to the same degree I normally trust Him so I
asked God to give me more faith!
So, even though I find myself in this very difficult situation where
everything I know may have to change and I may have to start completely over
again, I find myself praying that same thing again a year later….Lord, give me
MORE faith to believe that you will not stop providing for me and my kids now!
Not only more faith, I want more joy in these situations as well! I know that
there will still be times and days where I doubt and feel afraid and even maybe
a little anxious, but I have to remind myself, in faith, to “cast my anxieties
on Him, for He cares for me.” And, if I do lose my current house, which I consider
to be one of the biggest blessings He has given me, then He has something else
for me. Although I cannot see any way possible that this will work out in my
puny, finite mind, I have to believe that God is preparing something behind the
scenes for me as I write this and I just need to wait a little bit longer for
it to come together.
Sister, brother, stay strong in Him! Know that even though you too may
find yourself in a situation similar to this, God is faithful to those who love
Him. He promises to provide our basic needs when we do our part (ie. We cannot
sit at home and refuse to work or search for work and expect Him to hand us everything).
Your olive branches, fig trees and grapes may be withered to nothing at the
moment, as mine are. However, I can say that at least in my situation, things
usually get worse right before God steps in at the last minute and turns things
completely around as He says, “My child, what were you fretting about? I have
you covered.”
I hope we are going to be okay. No, I think we are going to be okay.
No, wait…we are GOING to be okay.
Portions based on Chapter 7, Starting Over With a Promise in Job 8,
in “Struck Down, But Not Destroyed.”
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