A Dangerous Myth

She sat across from me last night in tears, explaining the difficulties of struggling with long-term depressive episodes that were completely wearing her out emotionally, physically and spiritually. She was raised in church and a Christian her entire life but going through a difficult season with this great battle of depression. Then she said something that I have heard many Christians say, “I just don’t understand why I am going through this when the Bible says that God won’t give us more than we can handle…”

I stopped her right there. “Wait,” I told her. “The Bible does not say that. Many Christians have been told that it does so they believe it, but if you look for it in the Bible you will not find it. What it says is that God will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you can bear. He will give you a way out (I Corinthians 10:13).” She looked up and as she was struggling to speak, said, “You mean, nothing is wrong with me? God is not punishing me?” I saw a glimmer of hope in her eye as she learned that in fact, the Bible does not actually say this.

God has never promised life would have few difficulties or that we would only face little bumps along the way. We see many examples throughout Scripture where people were so completely beside themselves with grief that they tore their robes and shaved their heads and did not eat for days as they mourned. Throughout the Psalms, we read as David is at his wit’s end with the very dark circumstances he is facing. Psalm 38:8 states, “I am feeble and utterly crushed; I groan in anguish of heart.” Some people almost sound at the point of being suicidal as they pour out their laments before God of their pain and suffering.

As well-meaning Christians, we want to sugarcoat pain and suffering or point to the person suffering as the culprit for their pain. Sure, it sounds great that a loving God would not allow us to suffer more than we can bear, right? Surely, he would not allow the righteous to suffer needlessly and if he does, that person can handle it or God would not give them that pain. Kind of takes the responsibility “off our shoulders” to walk beside the desperate broken soul and tell them that God has a plan through this and still loves them and so do you and that you will walk with them through this valley, as will God. You and God will never give up on them, no matter how low their valley goes.

It is almost as if we are shocked that someone could possibly go through unbearable suffering and are struggling with it. Or, if we cannot explain it away we tend to imply that the person must have done something terrible and are being punished. Even back in Bible times, Jesus was asked, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus responded, “Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but this happened so that the works of God would be displayed in him.” (John 9:2-3)

Ah. What a concept. That God may be glorified through the valley, physical difficulty, deformity, loss, pain, financial struggle or whatever it may be. If you are currently suffering greatly, let me encourage you that God WILL do something amazing in your life or in the lives of others as a result of your deep valley. You may not see it at first or maybe not even for a few years, but when you do, you will see how God shaped you through that to become the person you are today as a result of what you went through. And truthfully, it may very well break you to the point that you may feel like even taking your life as a way to escape the “valley of the shadow of death” that is literally squeezing the life out of you. You may literally feel like you are about to fall apart into a thousand pieces on the floor beneath you and it probably feels like somebody ripped your heart out and stomped on it, shoving it back in your chest in a hundred pieces. However, today you are alive. Even if one more day, you made it!

Sometimes life feels like a game of survival in the most treacherous of conditions you never imagined you would face. You see no way out and you begin to wonder why it seems like everyone else has it together and don’t seem to be struggling, when you are hanging onto life by a single thread! Satan would love to tell you that it is because you messed up, because God does not love you or God is punishing you. Or, maybe because you are not a good enough Christian. You begin to ask “Where is God?” or “What is wrong with me? I should not be struggling this much as a Christian.”

Brothers and sisters, God only promises he will be with us through the valleys (Psalm 23) and that He will give us “Beauty for ashes.” (Isaiah 61:3) He will also give us the tools to navigate through the darkest valleys (peace, hope, joy, strength), though they still may nearly take us under.

Take it from someone who has been in the deepest, darkest valleys multiple times (more times than I care to admit), bloodied and wearied. I almost did not come out of some of those valleys. However, I had barely enough (a shred) of just enough to get me through one day at a time. Oh, had I believed the myth that “God would not give me more than I can handle,” I may not be standing here today. That is a very discouraging myth to say to the one whose world has just fallen apart or to someone who may be struggling with an overwhelming situation and they just can’t understand what happened.

Quite the contrary, the best words you could say to someone in that situation is “I have been there and I completely understand. I did not think I would make it either, but here I am as a testimony and this is what God did in my life as a result. I made it, and you will too!” Be sure to follow this up with, “Let me pray with you now” and “I will be praying for your strength and peace as you go through this. If you ever need to talk, I am here (and so is God).”

Hope After Depression

If you have ever been through a period of depression, even for a short time, then you know how excruciating the experience is. While there are many different reasons people fall into a depression, there is nothing quite as soul crushing and draining, whether it was caused by a traumatic experience, because of a chemical imbalance or for any other number of reasons. All I know from personal experience is that only God alone can pull you out of it.

To those who have never experienced depression, let me explain in a nutshell what if feels like. There is no way to “just snap out of it.” Even thinking all the happy thoughts in the world, spending every waking moment being with the ones you love most doing the things that you would normally enjoy doing the most is not enough to bring you out of it. Being told repeatedly about God’s promises when your ship has sunk and the lifeboat has left does not help. Not even being told trite little “Christianese” phrases to “smooth out your big ugly situation” helps.

Please. These things do not register to those facing the demon of depression. It is a big, deep, dark, lonely, ugly and hopeless hole that no matter how hard you try to crawl out of, you keep slipping back just enough that the light at the end of the tunnel continues to evade you even further out. It is as if an elephant is sitting on your soul and the more you try to squirm your way out, the more crushing the elephant’s weight feels. What was once funny is no longer funny and what you once found great pleasure in doing no longer matters. Just getting up, getting dressed and putting one foot in front of the other is a Herculean effort!

In that moment, the most comforting place is in your bedroom locked away from all human contact and wanting to do nothing but cry an ocean full of tears. The most enjoyable activity in those moments is sleeping, where at least you can escape reality long enough to “enjoy” yourself. “Maybe my dreams will at least be hopeful,” you think.

Satan plants thoughts in your mind about death and how much of a waste of space you are and how nothing is worth living for anymore, so just do everyone a favor and end it. You can almost become obsessed with death and thinking about different ways of ending your life. Your constant struggle is between life and death, the hope of God and the hopelessness of Satan, love and hate, light and dark. Satan pummels you with lies such as “God doesn’t love you. He made a mistake. Look at you. You are hopeless. God wants to destroy you. This will never get better. Why bother.”

I remember as a teenager when I struggled off and on with depression for a few years, as I was living in an abusive environment. I daydreamed a lot about different ways I wanted to take my life, just to escape the hellish home I grew up in and the bullying I faced every day at school. One time as I was putting away dishes, I stopped and fixed my eyes on a large knife, tempted to grab it and slit my wrists or stab myself with my dad sitting across the table. I was mesmerized as Satan kept saying to do it, while something else inside of me fought against it at the same time. I know without a doubt that God had his hand of protection on me through those years. There were other attempts at suicide, and I even asked God to take me out of this life, but to just do it quickly.

Now 30+ years later, I am proof that you can overcome depression with God’s help! Even when Job was at his lowest after just learning his whole family, livestock and his servants had all perished and had torn his robe and shaved his head in despair, he still had the Spirit of the Lord inside of him that kept him in that moment. I believe that was the same Spirit inside of me that kept me alive all those years. God had a plan for my life and kept me alive when I no longer wanted to live. His power inside of me was stronger than the power of Satan in those moments of desperation. How I wished back then (in my teenage years) that I had had the strong faith of Job that said, “The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.” (Job 1:21b) However, I had a Bible in front of me and some amazing relatives that kept me alive day by day until I pulled out of it. I read the Psalms from beginning to end and found some level of comfort in reading about David’s struggles and how he made it through, strong in the Lord despite the struggles.

My depression did end, as did my living situation, and the struggles you may be facing now that put you into a depression too (or maybe a friend or family member), will not last forever either, no matter how bad things seem. Even this struggle will be part of your beautiful life story.

Enlist all the people you know to pray for you during this time because you will probably not be strong enough in all of this to pray for yourself (speaking from experience). Bring all your burdens before God, one by one; all the ugliness, uncertainty, doubts, anger, hurt, loneliness. Be very open and honest before God about how you feel (he already knows, but it sure helps you to lay it all before him verbally). Get angry and yell! Then tell the Lord in the middle of all this broken mess that you need him to get you out of it and return your joy and peace (and if you never had it, ask for it). He never promised life would be easy, but that he will carry us through and that it will be worth it in the end if we keep your eyes on him and on the prize that awaits us after this life.

Just to think I would have missed out on all the joys I have experienced in life since those fateful teenage years had my life been cut short by my own foolish hand. I realized after that bad car accident, by the way, that I was trying to “play God” by trying to take my own life. God certainly does NOT put you into a depression (though he allows it); that is the enemy hard at work using circumstances in many cases (or just simply a chemical imbalance, a physical reason) but in either case, you can still overcome and then help others who are stuck because you too have been there.

“Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.” Psalm 30:5

“You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy.” Psalm 30:11

Even though I am immensely grateful I have not had to struggle with depression as an adult (except for one short, short period of it in 2013), I have learned to really appreciate the good times more. However, even in the exciting times and fruitful times, I want to remember what God has done for me by delivering me from depression (He is THE Mighty Counselor) and when bad times come around again (and they will), I want more than anything to praise God anyway and as Job, be able to say “Blessed be the name of the Lord (anyway).”

He is my rock. In Him I will trust.

He Makes Me Brave

Synonymous with courage, the word brave is defined as, “showing no fear of dangerous or difficult things.” Some of us are in training to be brave from the moment we are born (being born in a very dysfunctional, abusive or alcoholic household, for example); some people who may be fortunate enough to have an easier time at life may not find themselves “in training” until much older. We are all on a different road that requires different levels of courage at one time or another.

I have found it interesting that those who are naturally born stubborn, strong or strong-willed tend to be those who face the most adversity in life, myself included, and I have personally learned firsthand that these characteristics are actually a blessing. These people are naturally more capable of handling much more in terms of crises and great trials of all kinds and yet survive strongly intact. What should have destroyed these people ended up fueling them to become courageous adults who seem to be unshaken when anyone else would fall apart. So what is their (our) secret?

Romans 12:3 says that all believers are given a particular “measure of faith.” I also believe the same is true of whatever it is in some people who are battered and bruised much more than the average Joe and yet remain strong and unmoved. Perhaps God gives us each a measure of bravery as well, knowing what we will each face in this arduous journey called “life.” Psalm 139:16 says, “You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.” Knowing what we would face individually in this life, our creator was gracious and kind enough to prepare each of us perfectly to face the particular challenges we would each face so that we would not become broken from the pressures of life.

For this reason, I cannot take credit when another person comes up to me (and many have as they have watched what I have gone through but still overcome) and remarks about how brave and strong I am. I know that in my own power alone and left to my own devices, I would have fallen apart in childhood, unable to endure what I was born into, and without a doubt I would have ended up destroying myself by time I reached adulthood in order to make the pain go away. Now in my 40s, I know full and well that it is literally a MIRACLE that I have even survived this long when I look back at the continuous flow of deep valleys I have gone through along the way. I sure do have a lot of battle scars, but yet I keep on going…

I used to hate the fact I was stubborn and strong-willed, but looking back I realize that God has created me with those tendencies knowing what I would face in a life ready to destroy me from the very beginning. Today, I am very thankful for that facet of my personality when I realized what this potentially saved me from. Think for a moment about some of your qualities that perhaps you too don’t like so much about yourself and see if maybe without those things, you too would not have survived this long. They could possibly be a gift from God in disguise. (Though not always)

Although I know I must have been born brave and that I grew up being brave, I have always considered myself a “girlie girl” who enjoyed wearing dresses every day as a child. Then as a teenager it was makeup, jewelry and high heels.

However, there is also a deeper, tougher layer to me on the inside, one who likes motorcycles, tattoos (though I do not have any), rodents, snakes and many other things that would make most girls run and scream. I have seen, done and experienced a lot of great adventures (nothing bad, just interesting) with gusto. For example, not just any female could go into a men’s Teen Challenge chapel service and, being the only female present, share her testimony regularly for over two years to a room full of rough looking, tattooed guys, some of whom look less than thrilled to be there (and feel completely at ease doing it). I got a few stony glares sometimes and it was usually easy to tell who the hard-core newcomers were. But because I knew without a doubt that the Lord wanted me to share my testimonies with them, he gave me the courage to get up in front of them every few months and share what he put on my heart to share with that particular group of men.

There is an even deeper, more unshakeable facet to what makes me Marie, however. This is a God-given level of bravery that is usually given to the toughest warriors. Why? Because our heavenly Father knew that some of us would be warriors in need of such a level of courage and bravery as this. There are a lot of things we could be fearful of in this life, but thankfully we are armed us from the inside out, in more ways than one. (Ephesians 6:10-18)

To all you other brave warriors out there, I hope that you know you are not in this fight alone! For this reason, you have nothing to fear! He gave you just the amount of “armor” you would need to be brave enough to fight your personal battle this side of heaven. Just be sure to stay close to him, trust him and be obedient to whatever he asks of you and he will do the rest. Just be sure to thank him for making you brave!