A Dangerous Myth

She sat across from me last night in tears, explaining the difficulties of struggling with long-term depressive episodes that were completely wearing her out emotionally, physically and spiritually. She was raised in church and a Christian her entire life but going through a difficult season with this great battle of depression. Then she said something that I have heard many Christians say, “I just don’t understand why I am going through this when the Bible says that God won’t give us more than we can handle…”

I stopped her right there. “Wait,” I told her. “The Bible does not say that. Many Christians have been told that it does so they believe it, but if you look for it in the Bible you will not find it. What it says is that God will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you can bear. He will give you a way out (I Corinthians 10:13).” She looked up and as she was struggling to speak, said, “You mean, nothing is wrong with me? God is not punishing me?” I saw a glimmer of hope in her eye as she learned that in fact, the Bible does not actually say this.

God has never promised life would have few difficulties or that we would only face little bumps along the way. We see many examples throughout Scripture where people were so completely beside themselves with grief that they tore their robes and shaved their heads and did not eat for days as they mourned. Throughout the Psalms, we read as David is at his wit’s end with the very dark circumstances he is facing. Psalm 38:8 states, “I am feeble and utterly crushed; I groan in anguish of heart.” Some people almost sound at the point of being suicidal as they pour out their laments before God of their pain and suffering.

As well-meaning Christians, we want to sugarcoat pain and suffering or point to the person suffering as the culprit for their pain. Sure, it sounds great that a loving God would not allow us to suffer more than we can bear, right? Surely, he would not allow the righteous to suffer needlessly and if he does, that person can handle it or God would not give them that pain. Kind of takes the responsibility “off our shoulders” to walk beside the desperate broken soul and tell them that God has a plan through this and still loves them and so do you and that you will walk with them through this valley, as will God. You and God will never give up on them, no matter how low their valley goes.

It is almost as if we are shocked that someone could possibly go through unbearable suffering and are struggling with it. Or, if we cannot explain it away we tend to imply that the person must have done something terrible and are being punished. Even back in Bible times, Jesus was asked, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus responded, “Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but this happened so that the works of God would be displayed in him.” (John 9:2-3)

Ah. What a concept. That God may be glorified through the valley, physical difficulty, deformity, loss, pain, financial struggle or whatever it may be. If you are currently suffering greatly, let me encourage you that God WILL do something amazing in your life or in the lives of others as a result of your deep valley. You may not see it at first or maybe not even for a few years, but when you do, you will see how God shaped you through that to become the person you are today as a result of what you went through. And truthfully, it may very well break you to the point that you may feel like even taking your life as a way to escape the “valley of the shadow of death” that is literally squeezing the life out of you. You may literally feel like you are about to fall apart into a thousand pieces on the floor beneath you and it probably feels like somebody ripped your heart out and stomped on it, shoving it back in your chest in a hundred pieces. However, today you are alive. Even if one more day, you made it!

Sometimes life feels like a game of survival in the most treacherous of conditions you never imagined you would face. You see no way out and you begin to wonder why it seems like everyone else has it together and don’t seem to be struggling, when you are hanging onto life by a single thread! Satan would love to tell you that it is because you messed up, because God does not love you or God is punishing you. Or, maybe because you are not a good enough Christian. You begin to ask “Where is God?” or “What is wrong with me? I should not be struggling this much as a Christian.”

Brothers and sisters, God only promises he will be with us through the valleys (Psalm 23) and that He will give us “Beauty for ashes.” (Isaiah 61:3) He will also give us the tools to navigate through the darkest valleys (peace, hope, joy, strength), though they still may nearly take us under.

Take it from someone who has been in the deepest, darkest valleys multiple times (more times than I care to admit), bloodied and wearied. I almost did not come out of some of those valleys. However, I had barely enough (a shred) of just enough to get me through one day at a time. Oh, had I believed the myth that “God would not give me more than I can handle,” I may not be standing here today. That is a very discouraging myth to say to the one whose world has just fallen apart or to someone who may be struggling with an overwhelming situation and they just can’t understand what happened.

Quite the contrary, the best words you could say to someone in that situation is “I have been there and I completely understand. I did not think I would make it either, but here I am as a testimony and this is what God did in my life as a result. I made it, and you will too!” Be sure to follow this up with, “Let me pray with you now” and “I will be praying for your strength and peace as you go through this. If you ever need to talk, I am here (and so is God).”