Hope After Depression

If you have ever been through a period of depression, even for a short time, then you know how excruciating the experience is. While there are many different reasons people fall into a depression, there is nothing quite as soul crushing and draining, whether it was caused by a traumatic experience, because of a chemical imbalance or for any other number of reasons. All I know from personal experience is that only God alone can pull you out of it.

To those who have never experienced depression, let me explain in a nutshell what if feels like. There is no way to “just snap out of it.” Even thinking all the happy thoughts in the world, spending every waking moment being with the ones you love most doing the things that you would normally enjoy doing the most is not enough to bring you out of it. Being told repeatedly about God’s promises when your ship has sunk and the lifeboat has left does not help. Not even being told trite little “Christianese” phrases to “smooth out your big ugly situation” helps.

Please. These things do not register to those facing the demon of depression. It is a big, deep, dark, lonely, ugly and hopeless hole that no matter how hard you try to crawl out of, you keep slipping back just enough that the light at the end of the tunnel continues to evade you even further out. It is as if an elephant is sitting on your soul and the more you try to squirm your way out, the more crushing the elephant’s weight feels. What was once funny is no longer funny and what you once found great pleasure in doing no longer matters. Just getting up, getting dressed and putting one foot in front of the other is a Herculean effort!

In that moment, the most comforting place is in your bedroom locked away from all human contact and wanting to do nothing but cry an ocean full of tears. The most enjoyable activity in those moments is sleeping, where at least you can escape reality long enough to “enjoy” yourself. “Maybe my dreams will at least be hopeful,” you think.

Satan plants thoughts in your mind about death and how much of a waste of space you are and how nothing is worth living for anymore, so just do everyone a favor and end it. You can almost become obsessed with death and thinking about different ways of ending your life. Your constant struggle is between life and death, the hope of God and the hopelessness of Satan, love and hate, light and dark. Satan pummels you with lies such as “God doesn’t love you. He made a mistake. Look at you. You are hopeless. God wants to destroy you. This will never get better. Why bother.”

I remember as a teenager when I struggled off and on with depression for a few years, as I was living in an abusive environment. I daydreamed a lot about different ways I wanted to take my life, just to escape the hellish home I grew up in and the bullying I faced every day at school. One time as I was putting away dishes, I stopped and fixed my eyes on a large knife, tempted to grab it and slit my wrists or stab myself with my dad sitting across the table. I was mesmerized as Satan kept saying to do it, while something else inside of me fought against it at the same time. I know without a doubt that God had his hand of protection on me through those years. There were other attempts at suicide, and I even asked God to take me out of this life, but to just do it quickly.

Now 30+ years later, I am proof that you can overcome depression with God’s help! Even when Job was at his lowest after just learning his whole family, livestock and his servants had all perished and had torn his robe and shaved his head in despair, he still had the Spirit of the Lord inside of him that kept him in that moment. I believe that was the same Spirit inside of me that kept me alive all those years. God had a plan for my life and kept me alive when I no longer wanted to live. His power inside of me was stronger than the power of Satan in those moments of desperation. How I wished back then (in my teenage years) that I had had the strong faith of Job that said, “The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.” (Job 1:21b) However, I had a Bible in front of me and some amazing relatives that kept me alive day by day until I pulled out of it. I read the Psalms from beginning to end and found some level of comfort in reading about David’s struggles and how he made it through, strong in the Lord despite the struggles.

My depression did end, as did my living situation, and the struggles you may be facing now that put you into a depression too (or maybe a friend or family member), will not last forever either, no matter how bad things seem. Even this struggle will be part of your beautiful life story.

Enlist all the people you know to pray for you during this time because you will probably not be strong enough in all of this to pray for yourself (speaking from experience). Bring all your burdens before God, one by one; all the ugliness, uncertainty, doubts, anger, hurt, loneliness. Be very open and honest before God about how you feel (he already knows, but it sure helps you to lay it all before him verbally). Get angry and yell! Then tell the Lord in the middle of all this broken mess that you need him to get you out of it and return your joy and peace (and if you never had it, ask for it). He never promised life would be easy, but that he will carry us through and that it will be worth it in the end if we keep your eyes on him and on the prize that awaits us after this life.

Just to think I would have missed out on all the joys I have experienced in life since those fateful teenage years had my life been cut short by my own foolish hand. I realized after that bad car accident, by the way, that I was trying to “play God” by trying to take my own life. God certainly does NOT put you into a depression (though he allows it); that is the enemy hard at work using circumstances in many cases (or just simply a chemical imbalance, a physical reason) but in either case, you can still overcome and then help others who are stuck because you too have been there.

“Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.” Psalm 30:5

“You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy.” Psalm 30:11

Even though I am immensely grateful I have not had to struggle with depression as an adult (except for one short, short period of it in 2013), I have learned to really appreciate the good times more. However, even in the exciting times and fruitful times, I want to remember what God has done for me by delivering me from depression (He is THE Mighty Counselor) and when bad times come around again (and they will), I want more than anything to praise God anyway and as Job, be able to say “Blessed be the name of the Lord (anyway).”

He is my rock. In Him I will trust.