Church Hurt

The church is God’s idea, referred to as the “bride of Christ.” Why do we need the church? Some of the reasons we have the church is to worship God, study his word, learn to love one another, encourage one another in the Lord, partake of baptism and the Lord's supper, to learn how to live as godly people and to be equipped to evangelize the world.  

So…if the church has many important, invaluable functions, it is God’s idea and known as the “bride of Christ” in Scripture, why don’t more people go and why are some Christians leaving the church? Why do statistics show that many single moms stay away from the church and why are people in large numbers leaving the church?

Let me start off by saying what the church is NOT, but what many people expect it to be, thereby feeling empty or disappointed: The church is not a place for the most perfect saints with no problems in life who have somehow reached the upper levels of “perfection.” We will only be perfected once we get to heaven. Everyone makes mistakes, nobody can be 100% wonderful, happy, friendly and encouraging 100% of the time. We all, at one time or another, “stick our proverbial foot in our mouth” and say something we should not have said.

The church is a “hospital” for sin-sick souls, for people who need the Lord and those who know that they need him. It is irritating that people “in the world” put an impossible expectation on people in the church to be perfect in every way, when only Christ himself lived a sinless life on this earth.

Church is also not a social club to boost your popularity or status. We all want to be well-known, well-liked, popular and to have others approve of us. We all want to be accepted and loved and have the basic need of feeling like we matter to others. However, the only one who should be made popular in church is Jesus Christ. He is the only reason we are truly there. He is the one who sacrificed his own life to give us eternal life and the only ones we should be living for. Once we realize this and put him first, the non-essential things fall into place.  

Church is not someplace to go only out of habit or only because it’s the “right thing to do,” allowing us to check that box off for attending each week. Every church has people in it who go for the wrong reasons. Maybe they were just brought up in church or have made it a mere “habit” to attend every week. They go in the church with all smiles, looking sharp and maybe even with good intensions, but their heart and mind is far from God and getting connected with him.

On the flip side, there are also many who attend expecting to hear from the Lord and wanting to be challenged to know him better. Their hearts and minds are on the One who is the whole purpose for being there in the first place. They come hungry, wanting to learn more about who He is, how to apply the Word to their lives and how to walk in obedience and victory. We must not discount this important fact!

The truth is, we all have “junk.” However, we can choose to leave that at the church doors and go in with a teachable spirit and one who longs to know God more and love others better. We can give all of our anxieties, broken dreams, hurts, battles and problems to him at the Cross, even before entering the church doors. Hope and healing does take place inside the church walls if you want it. You CAN leave the church service greatly encouraged to live out your faith in a powerful way, living with victory and not in defeat no matter what is going on in your life.

From having moved around to different states throughout my adult life because of job transfers as well as having been a missionary in Mexico City for a summer, I have learned that the Holy Spirit’s presence is alive and powerful in many, many churches, no matter where they are located! He is everywhere all the time! There are good things and bad things about each and every church, because all churches are run by imperfect people, but the Holy Spirit still moves!

I have also learned through some very painful church experiences to stay grounded and focused on the real purpose of why I go to church in the first place and the fact that attending church is very important to growth in a Christian’s life. We are instructed in Scripture to not give up doing this. It states in Hebrews 10:25, “Let us not neglect meeting (assembling) together, as some have made a habit, but let us encourage one another, and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”

Whenever I start feeling discouraged, hurt, angry, disappointed or dead inside when I go to church, I must catch myself quickly and realize that my reason for going is not for other people (who are imperfect and will hurt me or let me down) and that I need to refocus on God alone. Sometimes, however, you must consider that if the environment of your church is doing some harm or pulling you away from God and others that you may need to leave that church, then ask where the Lord wants you to be where you can grow, learn and be encouraged as you worship with other believers who have one united goal, which is to worship the Lord and learn how to grow in him, how to love others and how to reach the lost. 

I had to leave my previous church of five years, which was a very difficult decision. However, there was just too much hurt over the course of the past couple of years I could not get past. There were several things that happened and I won’t go into all the details, but what I went through did a lot of damage that will take a while to get over.

I lost a lot of trust in people through those experiences, but the Lord is beginning to heal that trust and I know he will restore it again. This will take a lot of time because I endured a lot before I finally left. I still love my brothers and sisters there (most of them), but I do not miss it. (Though it is still a good church and I saw a lot of miracles while I was there).

The Christian life is a commitment. A thick and thin commitment to a relationship with Christ, no matter what the cost. I too have been deeply hurt by others in the church at one time or another, but my love for the Lord, my focus on the end goal (prize) and my desire to grow and serve him and others keeps me in church somewhere. Satan will try to keep as many people out of the church because he knows that those are God’s people, and though imperfect, they are still shaking the world for the kingdom of God and as a result, more lives will be touched for eternity!

Every week in my church, the Holy Spirit moves and people are getting saved and baptized! My encouragement to you is that no matter how hurt you have been in the church, do not give up on what God has for you in the church. As hurt as I have been in a few churches along the way, even by church leadership, a few pastors along the way and being slandered by members, I will not give up on it! 

I am in this walk with the Lord, through thick and thin, for better for worse. I will love the church and support it, because God ordained it. A lot of incredible miracles happen in the church every week and I am fortunate to have seen many of them first-hand! Just like any other relationship, there are times when things are extremely difficult and almost seem hopeless. There are also times when things are going great and you feel greatly encouraged. There are unmet expectations and disappointments along the way. But in the end, the results will be worth it!