Anxiety-Buster!

A few years ago, I had a very scary experience that I had never had before this point nor have I had since then. I woke up in the middle of the night out of a deep sleep and a feeling of panic overtook me! There was really nothing going on at that particular time to explain or warrant it, and I had no major decisions I was afraid to make at that point either. I had not just had a bad dream either. It is still a mystery as to why this happened.

I sat up in bed all of the sudden and my heart was racing and I felt like the inside of my entire body was literally on fire, from head to toe. I threw the covers off, turned on the fan, and turned down the air conditioning to cool off the room but nothing worked! I did not feel hot to the touch, like I had a fever but it felt like I was on fire on the inside, like I was about to spontaneously combust or something. I don’t really believe in that phenomenon, but if it was real this must be what it felt like.

After a few minutes, I began to pray out loud for God to calm me down and take this “anxiety” or whatever it was away. After about ten minutes of intense prayer, nothing was changing. It was then that I grabbed my Bible on the night stand and began to read scripture out loud. I read every highlighted scripture I could find relating to fear, God’s protection, anxious thoughts, etc. Then I came to the 23^rd Psalm and began to read it. “…Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me…” The second time through, the feeling completely went away and my body cooled completely down back to normal.

Maybe I was just supposed to be reassured that He is there with me, no matter what unexpected, scary situation comes my way. Only God knows. All I need to do is simply trust Him.

 

Shattered Mosaic

A series of broken dreams, unfulfilled hopes, illnesses, hard work and empty pockets, abuse and rejection over the years left little more than a pile of shattered glass around me on the floor. Jagged edges, different colors, different sizes appear to be nothing more than something needing to be picked up and thrown into the trash heap. Is this all that 40 years has come to?

Because I have chosen to put God first in my life, the answer is no! My story did not end with nothing but broken glass, useless to anyone. God’s word says that He makes beauty from ashes. He also says that He will never leave us or forsake us. It may take many years for us to see God’s plan for our lives, and how He will make something good out of all the bad, as it did me…44 years, in fact! This really seems like a long time when it’s our life we are talking about, but to God 40 years is like a vapor.

Five years ago, I looked back over my life and was overwhelmed by God’s grace, provision, protection and strength over the years and how He brought me through so much up to that point. What I went through could have so easily destroyed me, yet it didn’t. As I thought about these things, a big smile erupted on my face and joy welled up inside of me. I was the most grateful person on earth at that point and decided right then that I had too many wonderful things to share. I had a new passion from that point on to share all of the amazing ways God intervened in my life and made me what I was today.

At that moment I thought, “I have so many amazing testimonies that I want everyone to know about!” The question was, how could I possibly achieve this? The Lord whispered to my spirit the words, “You could write them all down,” and at moment my book “Struck Down, But Not Destroyed” was born. I then began to speak to small church groups, ladies conferences, Celebrate Recovery groups and Teen Challenge. I knew that because of all I had been through, it was only by the grace of God that I had not ended up with an addiction problem and spiral downward to the point of no return. Since then, I have had a passion to speak to various groups as God has led me to inspire them to rise above their circumstances and trust God to help them through their fears, hurts and disappointments.

I am forever thankful that God has taken all of these broken pieces of glass called my life and created a beautiful piece of art, a mosaic, out of them! To God be the glory!

Rejoicing in Trouble

Do you find it hard to rejoice and be thankful when you are going through major troubles? I sure do! That is still something I am learning gradually. It takes time to develop this “attitude of gratitude” in the middle of a crisis. How I long to be like Job, who, even though he lost his children, house, health and means of survival (livestock), he was STILL able to say, “The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.” Wow.

All I know is that when I have been thankful and able to praise the Lord even when going through a hard time, something powerful happens. An overwhelming peace sweeps over you and you almost feel as if you are lifted up over your troubles, or at least your perspective changes and you have a deep feeling that everything is going work out in the end. God has blessed me with amazing peace in the middle of some very difficult, chaotic times when I have been determined to push past all of the hurt, fear and feeling of little hope (in that situation) and praise him anyway. This is something very difficult to do on our own, however.

While things are going well, we need to continuously pray that when those times come that God will give us the determination and ability to push past all of the mess and praise him anyway (and remain thankful for all we do have). Once you try that, I guarantee the results will make it easier to do with the next difficulty or crisis you face until it gradually becomes something you do without even having to think about it.

It doesn’t have to be a long, fancy, drawn out prayer to be effective. All it takes is genuinely being able to say (or sing) from the bottom of your heart, “I love you Lord, and I am going to praise you through this! Thank you for everything you are going to do in this situation. Blessed be your name; you are worthy to be praised!” It will probably take everything within you to muster up the courage to do this, but the results are well worth the effort!

There are many promises to us in the Bible…promises that God will never leave us or forsake us, He will take care of our needs, He cares for us, He will give us strength, He will heal us and on and on and on. I challenge you to write out a few of these encouraging promises and post them up when going through a particularly difficult time that you can meditate on and claim during those times. Use scriptures that describe where you want to be and who you want to be through those times and determine that you are going to take the steps necessary to live that scripture out in spite of the mess you are facing.

One of the particular passages I used when I was going through the most difficult year of my life was Habakkuk 3:17-18 (NIV), “Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the Olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, YET I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.” (Obviously you would apply this to your current situation).

As I said, this is something I am still learning. I have been through far more than my fair share of very, very difficult times. Sometimes, life is very tiring from going through all of these things all the time. However, I live day by day and week by week, trusting God to give me the strength I need to face the next difficulty, and He always does! Usually in my case, it’s more like “hold on for dear life and ask God to give me the strength to survive through the trial intact and help me learn what God is teaching me in the process.” However, I am asking for God to refine this in me so that I can say with full confidence and certainty every single time, “Blessed be the name of the Lord.”

Forgive who???!!!!

It is only a matter of time before a friend, family member or even a spouse lets us down. Most things are easy to forgive and move past; an unkind word, a forgotten date on the calendar or a wrong look. However, other things are much harder to forgive, especially when it cuts deep or it was abusive in nature. Sometimes, those things can take months, if not years, to forgive. However, we are told in Scripture to forgive. Why?

There is more than one answer to that question. For one thing, we are all sinners and need forgiveness from God. Matthew 6:14-15 states, “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (NIV) Ouch! I know that I am not perfect and need God’s forgiveness; how about you?                   

 

Another reason to forgive is that forgiving others sets us free! We are no longer in bondage to the anger, hurt and bitterness that the thought or sight of that person brings along with it. One way you can tell if you have truly forgiven someone is that the thought or sight of them no longer causes your skin to crawl or your anger to rise up. You have peace about the situation. You may never forget what happened, but the intense emotions no longer pull you down anymore. Believe me, I have been there, and it takes a lot more energy to be upset or hurt with someone than it does to feel at peace about the situation and person.

 When I was in a bad marriage, I had a really hard time dealing with the fact that as soon as I forgave my husband for something he did, he turned right around and did something else just as hurtful or painful! It was like a vicious cycle and at one point, I even wanted him to hurt as badly as I did because of his unfaithfulness, abuse and addiction issues. When God told me specifically that I needed to forgive my husband I thought that surely God had not seen everything my husband had put me through and He was mistaken! I was afraid that if I forgave my husband that he would be getting away with all the bad things he did and said to me.

It was a big step for me, but I was finally able to forgive my husband for everything and to this day, although we are no longer married, we maintain a decent relationship. The minute I did that, trusting that God would deal with the situation appropriately, I felt a huge burden lift off my shoulders. I was finally free from a burden I was not meant to carry!

The problem with not forgiving someone is that it will eventually destroy you, as they go on merrily with their lives without a second thought. I have seen people who are still bitter 20 years after somebody “did them wrong” and they are still very unpleasant people to be around to this day.

One thing that really helped me forgive my husband in particular, besides asking for God’s help, was that God had revealed to me that forgiveness is like an onion; it has layers you need to peel off. In my particular situation, I had to go through and verbalize all the little things I was still holding onto, forgiving my husband for each one, until I got to the core of the “onion.” As I began to “peel these layers” off, I found it getting a little easier with each layer to forgive my husband and move past these things that were hurting me. The best part was, with each layer gone, I felt a little freer and lighter!

Regardless of whether or not someone deserves our forgiveness, it is the best thing we can do for ourselves. In order to gain courage enough to do so, you may even have to think to yourself, “I will forgive you…because it will set ME free.” Watch amazing things happen when you choose to forgive! Trust me, it works! J

Ideas taken from Chapter 5, Lessons in Forgiveness
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By His Stripes...I am healed.

Because of what Christ did for me on the cross, I am healed! Not only from my sin and from death (which now has no power over me as a Child of God) but in every other way as well.

I received a diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis (after having several neurological problems that progressed over a two-year period) the week of my birthday a little over a year ago and that is where the biggest battle of my life started (late 2012-late 2013). I was also found to have several moderate to severe spinal problems that caused significant pain and other problems (weakness, etc.) and my asthma, which had been controlled by medication previously, had gotten worse to the point where I was put on an inhaler full-time (twice every day) because the medication no longer controlled it.

There was a two or three-month period of time where I was progressively losing strength in my legs. I had to pull myself up out of a chair by holding onto something, such as a car door or desk. If there was nothing to pull myself up out of a chair, I had to push myself up using my arm strength alone to push myself up off the chair. My legs were getting very weak to where I could no longer stand up from a seated position on my own like I normally did. I also had a harder time walking any kind of distance because it felt like my legs could give out at any time. I was afraid I was going to wake up one morning and fall to the floor, unable to get up (because of leg weakness). One time I did fall outside of the post office and I could not get up because of my leg weakness. I was thankful for the two guys outside the post office who ran to me and helped me up, because I certainly could not get up myself.

Because this was very concerning to me, I asked my pastor to anoint me with oil and pray over me for MS. He did that, and the very next day, the progressing weakness in both of my legs was completely gone!!! PRAISE GOD...for by HIS stripes I was healed! (Although I continue to be followed by my PCP for MS, which is not yet completely healed).

In October 2012, we had a special healing service at church and I was declaring that date ahead of time that God would heal the severe stiffness and pain in my entire spine that had started during that summer and progressed quickly, making getting comfortable or sleeping almost impossible. The pain was excruciating much of the time and it felt as if my spine had fused together, like the spaces in between my vertebrae were gone and my spine grew as one solid stick. Flexing and bending was getting almost impossible at that point. However, I had faith that God would heal this problem and that very same night as I slept...He did! I woke up in the middle of the night and the stiffness was 100% GONE and the pain was drastically reduced! PRAISE GOD...for by HIS stripes I was healed!

In early 2014, we had another special prayer time at church for healing. I was again anointed before praying with my Sunday school teacher and his wife, who had also had asthma for about 20 years. It brought me comfort to know that she understood at least the asthma part because she had been there! Again, I had faith that God was going to heal something that night, whether it be the asthma, the MS or the remaining spinal problems I continue with. I did not know whether God was going to heal one, two or all three of the major physical issues I have but I knew that God was going to blow my socks off again! That night, I did not use my inhaler and went to bed. Before this time, had I even missed a single dose, my wheezing got significantly worse and my cough started up again (a three-year chronic cough). I woke up the next morning and my wheezing was completely gone! It felt as if my lungs had opened up like they have never been before (I always had exercise-induced asthma before it turned chronic three years previous to this healing)!! I have not used my inhaler a single time since that day and it has been almost four months!! PRAISE GOD...for by HIS stripes I was healed!

I am walking in faith that God will continue the physical healings in my life! I believe that God finishes what He starts and boy, has He started the healing! Some days are still hard physically and I cannot do some of the things I used to do, but I am extremely thankful for all that God has already healed in my body!

I never know what to expect physically the next day or week due to the MS and remaining spinal problems, and I take one day at a time, trusting God to give me strength and grace to make it through the hard days. On the good days, I praise Him all the more and enjoy those days to the fullest! ALL THE TIME, GOD IS GOOD....GOD IS GOOD, ALL THE TIME.

May that encourage you to do the same! Thank God every single day that you are healthy and whole and do not take anything, even being able to walk unassisted, for granted. Since my leg strength was healed, I regularly thank God that I can walk without any help because I know that had He not intervened, I may not be at this point, and I am beyond grateful! I cannot say it enough: TO GOD BE THE GLORY!!!!


To order my new book, "Struck Down, But Not Destroyed" please click on the following link:  www.storenvy.com/products/8041482-struck-down-but-not-destroyed-book

In The Deepest Valley, Do Not Fear

           Have you ever felt like you have gone ten rounds in a boxing match, like Rocky Balboa? Not literally, but figuratively. By that, I mean going through a battle (valley) so intense that it drained everything from within you and all you felt was bloody, bruised, broken and hardly able to stand up anymore. I was at that point throughout all of 2013.

I faced things that I had never faced before in my entire life and to be honest, there were times I was very scared! Although God was gracious and kind enough to prepare me for an entire year beforehand, it was still the most difficult year of my life. I literally would never have made it through the entire year of 2013 without His preparation. I wrote everything down that the Lord had spoken to me during 2012 in preparation for the upcoming battle, so that I would remember everything and be able to refer to my notes when the time came. Although I already knew these things, God reminded me beforehand that my hope is in Him (alone), to praise Him in the midst of the storms, not to fear the unknown, that He still heals today, that it is okay to rest and that He will never let go, even when I find it hard to hang on.

When I faced a diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis as well as several moderate to severe spinal problems in 2013 (which cause a lot of pain some days), along with a short period of depression and some big financial challenges among many other things, I had my weapons ready, so to speak. God never promises us that we will have it easy, but He does promise to be with us and He will prepare us for the battles in our lives. Not only that, He will fight with us and for us! For these reasons, we have hope that everything will turn out right when all is said and done.

Our job through these storms and valleys is to trust God, praise Him and believe and claim that He is there for us and with us! He will take care of the details and He will make something good out of everything bad that happens in our lives when we love and trust Him.

There were two times when I was at the brink of giving up in 2013. Along with physical, emotional and financial battles, I was facing the fiercest spiritual battles of my life. We all know that when we are already down that Satan takes every opportunity to finish the job by trying to get us to believe that things are too hard and that things will never get better. It is easy to forget in the midst of our lowest times that we have the victory because the Lord is on our side! I recalled this verse several times during 2013: “You …are from God and have overcome…because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.” (I John 4:4)

PRAISE GOD that He is with us, even “through the valley of the shadow of death.” I am very thankful that God is stronger than any battle, illness or loss that I face! And, because we (His children) have the victory and He is in control of everything that happens in our lives (and turns what was meant to harm us into something good), we do not have to fear anything that comes against us! As the matter of fact, the Bible says the words, “Fear not” or “Do not fear” 365 times, one for every day of the year!

            Take heart and be encouraged that God is for you, He is your strength in weakness and with God’s help, there is nothing you cannot overcome!

Excerpts taken from Chapters 12 & 13, “Struck Down, But Not Destroyed.” 



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Am I Loved?

Have you ever doubted that you are loved or even loveable? I sure have, many times! It usually comes with the territory when you grow up in an abusive home or if you have been in a bad, loveless marriage. Some of us could write a non-ending list of all the things that we think make us unlovable and then fall into the trap of comparing ourselves unfavorably with everyone else. The great news is, there is nobody else like you; you are a specialized, unique individual created to do great things that nobody else can do!

Our “love worthiness” does not come from other people, even our parents or spouses. You ARE loved because you were created in God’s image…by a God who is love and loves everything about you, imperfections and all!

Some of the things I grew up hating about myself (my stubbornness and strong will, for example) have actually helped me remain very strong through many difficult times in my adult life that would have crushed any normal person. When things got really tough and life kept knocking me down, I got right back up and continued to fight! Sometimes, I ask myself why I am such a glutton for punishment by getting back up after being knocked down over and over.

Now I praise God for creating me exactly the way I am, and giving me an inner strength that has pushed me through some very difficult circumstances! Oh, how I wish I had not wasted so many years trying to be like others because I thought I was unlovable the way I was! I wished somebody had told me growing up that I was wonderful the way God created me and that I should not wish to be somebody else! Not that this means I am perfect, because God continues to tweak me in areas I need to grow yet, to make me an even better “model” than I was originally. It’s a constant growth process that continues until the day we leave this earth.

So, if you too have been plagued by feeling unloved or unlovable for years, remember that God created you with your unique traits for a reason. Of course, some things we need to shed off and improve (for obvious reasons), such as traits like anger, for example, but maybe some of the things you have disliked about yourself may be what actually makes you likeable to others and keeps you going when others would have given up in your situation.

When you find it hard to believe or feel that even God loves you, take it in faith. God's Word says many times how much He loves you; If in doubt, have faith that He loves you because His Word says He loves you.

Some people consider me odd because I think “outside the box” a lot. However, God has used me in some very unique ways (I am a very unique person, after all) and I am thankful. The average Joe could not have ministered to certain people like I have been able to because of this. Instead of fighting against what makes you, “you,” embrace it and allow God to shine through you in a way that only you can shine! If I can do this, then I know that you can too!

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Thrown Stones

"...It has been interesting to watch different people’s reactions when they find out I am divorced. During the six years following my divorce, it was difficult telling people that I am a single parent (divorced) when they first met me and asked about my “husband.” There was a little twinge deep inside of me that was afraid that they too would react negatively and pull away, even though they may not have intended to do that. There were even times during the first five years after my divorce that it felt like I was branded with a scarlet letter..."

            "...I am very grateful, however, that Jesus is full of love, mercy and compassion for the broken! Jesus would really stand out among the majority who have placed themselves in the role of judge, jury and executioner before even knowing what landed a divorced person in that situation. I am also very grateful for the many brothers and sisters in Christ who, like Christ, have chosen to stand out and reach out in love and mercy to those who are going through or have been through a divorce. Jesus said, “As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples (followers), IF you love one another.” John 13:34b-35 (NIV)

            I found great love and comfort in knowing that the Lord Jesus was right by my side the entire time…even throughout the sleepless nights, teary days, and hardest moments. He never let go of my hand, not even for a moment. The same is true for anybody who turns to Him, no matter the situation. He will be right there with you, whether you are alone after divorce, sitting alone in a jail cell, or have just lost someone dear to you..."

"...Allow Him to come in to your life and situation and comfort you through your darkest moments. I promise you, He will not let you down! He will also never make you feel like a second-class citizen because of your past mistakes or when you find yourself in a very difficult, lonely situation. He will not pull away from you when you need Him most or make you feel as if you are wearing a scarlet letter. There is hope, encouragement, and true love waiting just for you if you let Him in to help you and trust in Him to get you through. Isaiah 41:10 says, “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (NIV)..."

           "...Too many people turn to something else, anything else, but Him to help them cope during a hard situation. For some reason, many people find it easier to turn to alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, sex or any other number of things to help ease their pain. However, they do not realize that those things may help temporarily to numb the pain, but the pain will ALWAYS come back, guaranteed. The Lord, however, will always be your help and will never leave you feeling empty or hopeless, so that you have to turn to something else to “numb the pain away.” I can honestly say through my experience that He can permanently remove the pain if you let Him!"

 

Excerpts taken from Chapter 8, "Struck Down, But Not Destroyed"   
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My prayer for “Struck Down, But Not Destroyed.”

 

            It took three years of simultaneous writing, praying and editing to complete “Struck Down, But Not Destroyed.” On one hand, this was a difficult book to write because I laid out much of my life’s details for all to see as well as my thoughts and feelings while going through some very difficult times. On the other hand, it was very easy to write because the words came pouring out faster than I could type them. It was very exciting to re-visit the countless things that the Lord has done for me in every season throughout my life. It was also scary because most of these events I did not share with anyone but a few very close friends.

            However, I came to a point in my life where I was so filled with excitement and passion about everything the Lord has brought me through that I wanted to share all of these things with the world! I had a drive and passion to get this message out to as many people as I could. About a year before I even started writing this book, my heartfelt prayer was, “Lord, please do not let everything I have been through in my life be in vain! Please use my difficulties to inspire others and help them to see that your love, kindness, faithfulness and grace still flow today!” He is answering that prayer through the pages of “Struck Down, But Not Destroyed.”

            This book was not written lightly, as I bathed every sentence and every word in prayer as I wrote it. I asked the Holy Spirit to give me Scriptures that would perfectly fit with each testimony. I also asked Him to give me the discernment to know what details to add and what details to leave out. Most of the details were left out, as my sole purpose was not to focus on all the really bad things I went through. I only added just enough details for the reader to get an idea of what darkness the Lord brought me through and how He did that.

            I hope to inspire and reach out to several types of people with this message: The Christian (at every stage in their walk), the non-Christian, the one who doubts God’s existence, the one who is struggling in life and about to give up, the lonely, the abused, the weary, or the one in prison. I also kept Ladies Bible Study groups in mind, as I included a study guide at the end for group use (or individual use).

            I am very thankful that, as God promises, I was not destroyed by what I have been through. Instead I am able filled with joy and peace that only He gives! It is only by the Blood of the Lamb and the word of my testimony that I have overcome, and you can too (by sharing what God has done in your life)! 

You can now order "Struck Down, But Not Destroyed" by clicking on the following link:  www.storenvy.com/products/8041482-struck-down-but-not-destroyed-book



 

Though my mother and father forsake me, The Lord will receive me.

            "...A whole new world opened up for me in college. I made lots of friends and found that I really enjoyed social activities. I opened up a lot and began to learn to accept myself for who I was. God brought several special friends into my life to be a source of new strength and comfort for me. Through them I was able to see that I was somebody special. It was like starting over with a clean slate.

            Although college life was a lot of fun, I still had to work out this whole forgiveness thing, particularly with mom. She wrote me a long letter after the first few weeks of being away at school, saying that she missed me and that “maybe [she] was a little too hard on [me] but [she] just wanted [me] to turn out right.” I suppose that was her way of apologizing to me. However, I already knew that it was not because of her iron fist that made me turn out right, but only what God did in my life. Perhaps it was also my determination to make something good out of my life and to rise above my bad childhood.
            I’ll be honest. It took a long time and was a huge step for me, but I was finally able to forgive everybody from my childhood who mistreated me. It took a lot of conscious effort and prayer on my part along with the Lord’s encouragement and grace. It was possible to have the victory over this situation and not allow those who mistreated me to reign victorious!"
            "...Normally, it is the case when someone hurts us deeply that they either do not realize the damage they caused or they get over it amazingly fast. They move on with their lives without a second thought. The problem with not forgiving them and holding onto the anger and hurt is that it will eventually destroy you, and only you, while they go on merrily with their lives. There is great power and healing in letting go of it and letting God be the one to deal with those who have hurt us. We will all be held accountable some day for how we treated others, and there will be a Day of Judgment and punishment. We need to trust that it will all be taken care of in the end by a just, perfect God.
            God’s Word says that He is our refuge, strength, comforter, deliverer, restorer, hope and help! He wants more than anything else to save us, and as Christians give us hope, restore us and give us abundant life. He does not want our past to hold us down and take control over our lives, nor does he want us to live in bitterness and unforgiveness. That is what Satan wants for us.
            I am not saying, however, it was easy because I had to spend a lot of time on my knees asking God to help me and give me the strength and ability to forgive those who hurt me all those years. I also had to consciously and deliberately work at seeing myself as God saw me, a wonderful and precious creation, not as others saw me. That was a necessary part of the healing process in order for me to ever move on and live the abundant life God wanted for me."
            "...By the grace of God, it is almost as if most of the damaging things in my childhood never happened! I was given the gift of a clean slate to start over. My life has taken a complete 180-degree turn from what it was back then. I give the Lord ALL the glory and praise for what He helped me overcome and how He has made something good out of my life despite the very rough start I had!
            I have realized over the past twenty-five years what wonderful blessings I would have missed out on had my life ended as I wanted it to in my teen years. He WAS right…there was a special purpose for my life!"      ~Amen

Excerpts taken from Chapter 1, "Struck Down, But Not Destroyed"

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