Boomerang Grace

I have a saying that I often tell my sons that says, “No matter how nice, wonderful and kind you are, some people will still not like you. Sometimes they will even seem to hate you.” I have learned this over many years of going out of my way to show person after person kindness. A few years ago, however, I got very irritated by this! Why was I still showing kindness and love to co-workers, strangers, and yes, even every person I came across at church when some of them still acted as if they couldn’t stand me!? Was I just a sucker? No, but Satan sure kept putting that into my head. However, the longer I thought about it, the more I realized that what I was actually doing was a result of loving others because God’s love shines through me and truthfully, I love people and enjoy encouraging them, even if they don’t reciprocate.

I have heard more times than I can count, “you are too nice.” All I can say is “really? How can this be possible when we are called to show kindness and love to even the ‘least of these’ and we are called to turn the other cheek?” Of course, I do not allow myself to be a doormat (sometimes something does need to be said), but I have seen and heard of people (who sometimes tell me they do this) who make a big issue about even small things. Many times, for example, getting really angry at someone who is rude to you in the doctor’s office and having it out with them verbally in front of everyone really gets you nowhere. How do you know that this person has not just been abandoned by their spouse or lost their mother or is really struggling with her children or finances and just about to lose everything? We never know what someone is going through, and we can either show them grace in that moment or we can further destroy them in their mess.

Believe me, I know how hard it is to control the tongue when someone treats me a certain way. Immediately I want to snap back at them just as rudely as they did me, but then I stop and think before I speak. Will I regret doing that? If so, it is better left unsaid. Words can never be taken back and if my words cause me to lose my witness to others, then it’s just not worth the battle. I have learned with having children and even more so over the past few years, that picking your battles with people and addressing things that really need to be addressed is more important that always having to be right or be heard all the time. Its human nature to want to be heard and to want to be right, but sometimes it is not as important as maintaining certain relationships or burning bridges.

Many times I have come across someone I had not seen in a few years and I am so thankful for one reason or another that when we parted ways it was on good terms, even if we had worked together and may not have seen eye to eye on everything when we worked together. You never know when you may come across that person down the road and if the second time it may be for a very important reason you see them.

The last job I left, for example, I had an excellent relationship with my supervisor. However, somebody had told my supervisor that something was said about her, and somehow she thought I had gossiped about her. When she called me and left an ugly message on my voicemail she told me how low down and rotten I was for saying those things about her. I called her back and said, “You have known and worked with me for four years. Have you ever once known me to slander someone behind their back and say stuff like that? No. It wasn’t me.”  She still had an attitude with me, and hung up still miffed, but I was glad I got it off my chest and that I told her the truth from my perspective. Nobody had even told her it was me that told them this, but she thought I was the only one who could have said those things because I was one of the very few who knew these details. I had absolutely no idea what she was even talking about when she confronted me with it. However, I stood my ground in a firm but gentle way and did not take it personally.

A week later, she called me back again and left another message, apologizing because she found out that a family member had said these things about her. I reminded her of what I had said previously and that I am not that type of person. She too had a moment (like I often do) of “open mouth, insert foot syndrome.” After we talked, she asked me to forgive her and I instantly did and though I don’t work with her anymore, I have gone back and visited with her a little since I left.

Now take an example of kids. I know some parents who were extremely strict with their children and never let them have a single inch in anything. Battles were not chosen and the kids were told things such as “do as I say, not as I do” and “just do it because I told you to and shut your mouth” and getting very angry any time their children question anything whatsoever (ie. Why aren’t we allowed to do that, etc.) That is a recipe for disaster (speaking from experience here). When that child turns 18 growing up in a house with such a long list of rules and in an environment with the attitude of the parents like this, the vast majority of them are going to go hog wild and do everything they weren’t allowed to do. They are also going to have a lot of anger built up because they were never allowed to ask questions or let their voice be heard at all. In some cases, they will not want a relationship with their parents when they move out because of it either.

Some of these children grow up and raise their own kids the opposite way and are allowing their children to do anything and everything they want. There needs to be a balance with more freedoms earned as they prove themselves in certain areas. Showing grace is a balancing act, so you don’t allow others to run over you or take advantage of you either.

I have noticed every time that when I show someone grace, it comes back to me in the form of someone else when I mess up. Grace has what I call a “boomerang effect.” If we show little grace, little will be shown to us. The opposite, however, is also true.

I am not always successful, (sometimes it is very hard to show some people grace), but I do try to think before I speak and remember how much grace God shows me every single day. I make mistakes or speak before I think sometimes and I need grace too, from God and others. And if God can find it in his heart to show me grace on a daily basis, I can do this for others too. Amazing grace…how sweet the sound.