Daddy, Did You Know?

Daddy, though I am thankful you worked hard to provide for us, did you know how much I wished you had been there when mom let her fury go on me so you could protect me from her?

Daddy, did you know that a little piece of me died with every negative, harsh word spoken?

Daddy, did you know that I longed for a father’s love and acceptance but never got it?

Daddy, did you know how painful the loneliness was because instead of a loving daddy I had only a father who was gone far more than at home?

Daddy, did you know that as a child (wrong as it may be) I based my view of God on what type of daddy you were to me…cold, distant, ready to punish me, impossible to please?

Daddy, did you know how deep the rejection went to know you only saw me as nothing more than a “hired hand” to help around the house and you really didn’t want a relationship with me?

Daddy, did you know how many times I thought about wanting to die as a teenager to get rid of my pain?

Daddy, did you know how I felt whenever I worked really, really hard at something and was proud of the result, only for you to come behind me and say how wrong it all was and to do it over again?

Daddy, did you know that my confidence was so shattered that I could not even look another human in the eye when speaking to them?

Daddy, did you know how much I longed for a loving daddy instead of merely a biological father?

Daddy, do you know how hard it still is to find you a simple Father’s Day card, and when I read the really sappy ones, I can’t hold the tears back?

Daddy, did you know how deep it cut for you to tell me after my divorce, after having been laid off of my job and I was feeling as low as I could feel, that I would not find another man because men want a good looking girl on their arm, and I am not good looking on the outside?

Daddy, do you know what a beautiful person I am on the inside…compassionate, giving, kind-hearted, sensitive, strong, faithful, passionate, funny, free spirited?

Daddy, did you know that although we are very different and enjoy very different things in life, its okay and that doesn’t make me a bad person?

Daddy, did you know that even though I am overweight and not considered attractive by society’s standards that I am absolutely gorgeous on the inside, and that is the better thing of the two?

Daddy, did you know you shattered my spirit?

However…did you also know that…

My shattered spirit was put back together again because of the healing that God did in my life?

I forgave you when I moved out, and because of that I am free from anger, fear and deep hurt that built up for 18 years?

I feel sorry for you because you do not know how rewarding it is to really love and care about someone?

I chose early on NOT to follow the example I was given and saw my children as someone to love and cherish and not merely as child laborers to be seen and not heard?

My unshakeable faith in God helped me survive, and His protection kept me safe while living under your roof because you weren’t there to protect me?

That God has done a miracle in my life by erasing the devastating effects of rejection, fear & anger?

Every time I share my testimony with others and how amazing and powerful the work of God’s hand in my life has been, that more healing happens and another little piece of my past falls away, never to be seen again?

I still love you because you are my father and will continue to call you on your birthday and holidays, because my past is my past and I refused early on not to let it haunt me forever?

By the (power of the) blood of the lamb and the word of my testimony, I am an OVERCOMER???

That God is now using my “battle scars” to help many other people who feel alone, rejected and fearful?

That God blessed me more than you can imagine with your amazing parents, my grandparents, who loved me and were there for me?

That the blood of Jesus is ENOUGH to wipe away your sins and mine, and also ENOUGH to erase my haunting past, and now I have victory as a result?

That the Bible says that even “though my mother and father forsake me, the Lord will receive me.”? (Psalm 27:10)

That ever since I was 29 years old, I have had deep down joy and peace that has never left?

God and I know this, and I just thought you should know too.

Concept taken from material in Chapter 1, “Struck Down, But Not Destroyed.” ~Marie Rose