When Love Doesn't Make Sense

I Corinthians 13:13 says, “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” Many of us have read this verse many times and even know it by heart. However, do we realize just how strong of a statement this really is? Love is greater than faith or hope, and mentioned in the Bible (NIV) a whopping 686 times!

The word “faith” appears in the Bible (NIV) an impressive 458 times. Two of the verses that emphasize the importance of faith are Hebrews 11:6, which says that “And without faith it is impossible to please God” and Ephesians 2:8, which says, “…For by grace you have been saved through faith…” So, without having faith, we cannot please God and we have been saved by our faith (through grace).

The word “hope” appears in the Bible (NIV) 174 times. My favorite verse about hope is Proverbs 13:12 because I can really identify with it. “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” How many of you, like me, have really looked forward to something important only to have it taken away at the last minute? Do you remember how it felt when your heart sank? I do! In those times when the hope is sucked out of you, it feels as if you have almost lost the will to keep trying anymore. Thankfully, however, we also know the feeling of looking forward to something and having it come to pass, which fills us with “life.”

Despite the undeniable importance of faith and hope, love still trumps in importance. But how do we put this love into practice? It’s in high demand all over the world…everybody wants it and needs it, some will do absolutely anything to get it and some can’t get enough of it. Others are literally “love-starved” and will never believe they are loved as they been told by someone important, “You are unlovable” or “You don’t matter.” Those words and feelings never leave the heart or mind no matter how long ago they were said.

Is it enough to merely tell someone, “I love you?” Is that what Jesus meant when he said to love others? Or does it go deeper than that? I believe it’s important in word AND in the way you treat someone, even when they are undeserving of love at that moment. It is a commitment, a discipline and a “no matter what” attitude. It is hard business to love people sometimes, and I can understand why some people love their animals more than other people at times, but that certainly does NOT disqualify us from having to love others.

We too do not deserve God’s love, but He loved us so much He sent his only son to die for us so that we could have a relationship with Him and spend eternity in heaven with Him someday. The amazing thing is that God knows every single detail about us, everything from the bad, ugly thoughts we have had to the unlovely things we have done and said to others, and knows our every weakness and battle, yet loves us still. He doesn’t say, “When you clean up your act and are lovable, I will love you.” If He did that, I know I would be in trouble and I think everybody else would be too!

People see right through you much better than you think they can. When you tell someone “I love you,” do you back it up or negate those words by the way you treat them? If that person were stranded at 3:00 in the morning, would you put action to your words, “I love you?” Love is easily sensed and words alone are shallow without the true, deep meaningful acts to back up those words. So it is really not enough to hug someone and say that you love them without your heart being in it. Talk is cheap; action is priceless. God can also see through meaningless words; He is not fooled, even if you do fool others.

The importance of loving when I least felt like it hit me like a ton of bricks a few years ago when my youngest son and I were going through a very, very tough spot in our relationship. You know, where it feels like aliens came and took your precious, beloved angel of a child and replaced him or her with a demon child and you are at your wits end! I had reached the straw that broke the camel’s back and pleaded with God for some answers on what to do. I was seriously ready to put this boy on the curb or hang him up by his toenails. You who have children know what I mean because we have all been there at least once! Anyway, as I was praying about how I should “discipline” (or better yet, punish) this out-of-control child that aliens left behind (who was normally my easier child), I was already thinking of a laundry list of possibilities….just to give God a few “ideas” (as if he needed any!)

As he has done many, many times before, God blew my socks off with his response. He said very clearly, “just love him.” That was the last thing I felt like doing at this particular moment!! After gasping for air (literally), I thought in my mind, “before or after hanging him up by his toenails?”

Wow. That was the last thing I expected God to say. I thought he would have the perfect disciplinary tool that would magically make this child behave like the sweet angel he normally was. Then I would thank God for the amazing insight after I tried it because everything would be back to business as usual again.

This experience made me realize that even though we truly love someone, we must actively do so in the midst of their worst. For example, when that particular friend is going through another crisis (the 7^th one this year), we must still love her as if she were still the apple of our eye. As hard as it is sometimes, we must be there in the name of love to anyone who needs it, no matter how often they need it, and not only to those who deserve it.

As hard as it was, I walked into my son’s bedroom when I got my bearings, gave him a hug and told him I still loved him. It didn’t change anything immediately, but I continued to go out of my way to show him I still loved him, in spite of him at that moment.

God does the same for us. How can we do any less for anyone else who needs it? Imagine the change in this world if every person knew without a doubt that they were loved!

Angel Vision

I often pray Psalm 91 over my boys and even myself at times. This is a very encouraging Psalm of protection. This is not for just anybody, however, but offered to those who love the Lord, ending out the Psalm with “BECAUSE he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him…” (Vs 14-15)

In the early summer of 2004, I was nearing the end of a bad marriage, in which my husband had started becoming physically abusive with me. We were just a few months from moving out of state and I was waiting for the move to make a fresh start, hoping we could work things out after the move, but unfortunately the change of scenery did not help. Anyhow, right before we moved, I had often prayed that God would surround our home with angels and protect me from my husband until the time was right to either go our separate ways or get things worked out. At that point, I was becoming afraid of him. Just the way he would look at me with hate in his eyes at times sent chills up my spine. I was holding on to a shred of hope and was very determined that our marriage was going to work out because we had two small children to think about.

One evening when I went into my oldest son’s bedroom (who was 7 at the time) to say our nighttime prayers, he started talking about the angel he had seen the night before in our driveway after I left the room. He said it was glowing brightly and just standing in the driveway. At first, I kind of shrugged it off saying “are you sure you didn’t just have a dream about an angel or maybe you saw something else?” However, he was very, very insistent that he had seen an angel the night before looking at the house and would not deviate the least bit from this story. I just thought he was too young to understand something like that besides the fact he did have a very creative imagination too.

However, the more I thought about it, I began to remember back to my continuous prayers of the previous few months of asking God to send his angels to protect me and our house and then I got chills (the good kind). I had never even told him I had prayed that specifically and then thought, maybe he did see an angel, the one I had prayed for. Sometimes we write young kids off when they say something out of the ordinary, but I have always seen evidence of and believed that my son (who is now 18) had a special “sixth sense.” Whether in fact what he saw was a real angel or not, I do know that God answers prayers. He very easily could have answered that specific prayer of mine and allowed my little boy to see a glimpse of it so he could tell me himself what he saw, confirming in my mind that God was in fact going to keep me safe from my husband.

Fourteen years later, I still remember that as if it were yesterday whenever I read Psalm 91. God has definitely had his hand of protection over me and my boys in some sticky situations that could have turned out very badly had God not intervened. Although I am living in one of the most dangerous cities in America, I have felt God’s strong, protective hand over me in a special way, almost like there is a shield around me. More than once, I have driven up to a place (one time it was where I was working at then) only to see the police wrapping yellow tape around the surrounding area and cop cars everywhere. Had I only been there a few minutes earlier…who knows?

Three other separate times while working at that same place (a hospital in the hood), I had men come up to me wanting money or to “walk me to my car” (in a very small parking lot) and as I said no thank you and picked up my pace, they finally walked away. One other time, there was a group of guys sitting on the hood of a car hollering out to me to come over there and I just ignored them as I speed walked to my car. I saw one of them get up like he was going to come over to me and just then, the security patrol stopped him and told them to leave me alone.

I am not a scared person by nature and maybe actually too brave for my britches sometimes, but God has also given me a strong sense something is not right (discernment) that has definitely protected me before things could turn bad.

So, although I do believe we have to be smart and use the brains God gave us to avoid potentially dangerous situations (because stupid choices do have bad consequences), I also believe that God protects us in ways we may never see. When we are committed to him, there is nothing he will not protect us from that would otherwise destroy us.

My favorite part of Psalm 91 is where it says, “He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.” (Vs 4) Whenever I think of a possible dangerous situation or if something is coming up in my life that I am worried about, I picture this verse in my mind.  I am a very visual person, so when I read this verse, I see myself warm and protected as I lay comfortably under his faithful wings, hidden from all that could harm me. This gives me enough comfort and peace to have the courage I need to face whatever is coming.

I encourage you to start praying Psalm 91 over yourself, your spouse and/or your children regularly. If you do not have a Bible, go online, pull up Psalm 91 and copy it down to keep as a reference. Never underestimate the power of praying God’s Word! J

Broken Warrior

 

Most of you have heard, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” I am a living testament to that! You name it, I have probably been through it. But, isn’t it interesting that the Lord does not take us around these really bad, difficult times; instead, he walks us THROUGH it.

I know that many times I have prayed for God to take some difficulty away from me so I would not have to face the uncertain darkness alone. Some roads I have been asked to travel down have been downright scary! However, I have always come through to the other side, still alive. I have broken some along the way and come out different than I went in, but here I am to prove it too did not take me down forever. God remained the same through each and every one of those horrible, dark places I have had to travel through, but I came out changed. I may have come out kicking and screaming on the other side and had a few crying fests or times where I felt like I wanted to give up in the midst of it, but something always kept me going one more step until I walked out…once again.

The one striking difference I have noticed between who I was, let’s say 15 years ago, and who I am now is that I am much stronger and tougher now. The smaller things don’t phase me the way they used to and I get over things much more quickly than I did before. I don’t get upset or hurt about the little things anymore. I can overlook a lot of things now that I could not before. I had a huge heart for people (and animals) and so I took it hard whenever I was criticized, hurt, mistreated or ignored by people when I treated everyone like I would a friend (as I wanted to be treated). I used to be a very sensitive person and it took a little time to get over things, but thankfully God has changed that to where I can now get right back up almost immediately, fix my armor, get back up on the horse and ride off victoriously and valiantly.

For those of you who have either read my book or followed my blogs for some time know that in 2013, I had the hardest year of my life hands down. Even the childhood abuse I grew up in, the bad marriage I was in to an addict who became abusive late in our marriage, great financial struggles, periods of unemployment, the challenges of being a single parent (especially of teenagers) and everything in between combined still did not overshadow all I went through in 2013. That was the beast of all trials. If anything would have destroyed me, that year alone would have done me in for good!

However, God slowly prepared me over time by “toughening me up” by giving me the ability to let go of people who did not want the best for me and who did not love me just the way I am. I had always wanted everyone to love me, having come from a loveless childhood home and then through a loveless marriage, and did all I could to gain acceptance from everyone. I thought if I loved everyone enough, they would love me too, right? How wrong that was!

It took a long time to “get it,” but finally I had that light bulb moment that said “Let go of the need to be loved by the majority. All you need is God’s love and the love of a few close, faithful friends. People who will accept you the way you are. Don’t worry about the rest loving you,” and I learned through the course of several years that if I was to rise up strong and not be destroyed by this, this had to change. I also let go of any and all expectations I had of people. “Expect nothing from anybody” has been my new motto, and it has set me free to love more and be hurt less!

I cannot put my finger on it exactly, but all I know is that earlier this year I woke up a strong warrior. The more I thought about it, the more this transition made Biblical sense. For example, it says in the Bible 365 times not to fear. II Timothy 1:7 says, “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (fear), but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.” Scripture also says that he is the strength in our weakness. We are promised that “those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” (Isaiah 40:31). Isaiah 43:2b says that “when you walk through the fire (turmoil, trials), you will not be burned…”

To me, this sounds like warrior material. Although I am pretty much a fearless person, I was letting relationships and feeling for others hold me back from being a strong warrior in tip-top shape. It is very clear to me throughout scripture that God does not want us going around like defeated weaklings with our heads down, but like strong warriors with our heads up, ready to fight the battles before us!! He will give us the strength we need, the materials to fight with and the armor to wear for the battles we face (Ephesians 6:10-17). Phrases like “stand firm,” “be strong,” “take up,” and “extinguish all the flaming arrows” sounds like a battle plan for somebody getting ready to go out and fight. Life for some of us is a series of battles, one after the other, but thankfully God does not leave us to helplessly fight these battles ourselves without any protective armor. He strengthens us with what we have learned through the previous battle(s) we have faced. We just need to trust him to bring us through once again.

A warrior is defined as “A brave or experienced soldier or fighter.” As times get harder in these last days, the Lord is preparing us to fight the battles that are sure to come our way. The more out-of-control things get around us and the more that “wrong becomes right” and “right becomes wrong,” and the more our Biblical views conflict with the world’s views, the more difficult things will become.

God is going to need his army of believers to rise up and stand up for what is right and pursue him, even if it means losing everything we have. Through our life circumstances, he has been preparing us little by little for harder battles to come. He has patiently molded us in our brokenness to become strong warriors…Broken warriors.

A Father's Love

Even though my father lived with us, he was absent emotionally and physically. He was a workaholic and very critical of me when he was around. Sometimes I wonder which is worse, having a father in the home who feels nothing for you and sees you only as a workhand, or a physically absent father. When I was a struggling teenager, I still remember coming across Psalm 27:10 because it literally jumped off the page at me and was exactly what I needed to hear at that moment. It reads, “Though my mother and father forsake me, the Lord will receive me.” It spoke volumes to me, because I struggled with feelings of rejection, worthlessness and feeling unlovable. I know that children who grow up without a father also have the same feelings, but there is great beauty when they realize they have a heavenly father who loves them, will not forsake them and who is “the father to the fatherless.”

To those who have had either experience with your father, I pray that you have forgiven them and then realized that you have a heavenly father who truly loves you and will take care of you better than any earthly father could! To those of you who grew up with a good or a great day, you have been truly blessed and I pray you have not taken them for granted!

Sometimes it still hurts a little seeing other people who have a close, loving relationship with their dads although I was happy for them, of course. I just felt like I really missed out on something. For different reasons, my boys feel that they have also missed out on something, as they do not have their father (or grandfather) actively in their life on a regular basis (by their choice). My heart hurts for them and I know that they too know the pain when seeing other kids whose dads still live at home and are very involved with their kids. I long for them to know how very much they are loved, even if they do not feel it because of this lack of close, caring relationship that they have always desired with their father too. I have learned through my years of being a single mom that a mother cannot take the place of a father figure. God created mothers and fathers for very different role, and both are equally important in the life of a child.

Watching what my boys have faced through their teenage years without their dad, however, I am now very touched when I see friends of mine being a wonderful father to their children. I often wonder if those fathers (my friends) know what an amazing impact they are making on their children’s lives! Their children will not have to feel the pain of having an absent or unkind dad. They will not have to struggle with feelings of rejection, hurt or feelings of being unlovable. They will also not have to doubt God’s love for them as their heavenly Father. For this, I am thankful and very happy for their children. If you are a parent, never underestimate the power you have in your child’s life! You can make them or break them, so be the best parent you can to your child(ren) and make sure to take every opportunity to tell them and show them how much you love and care about them!

One dear sweet family (whom I love dearly) that I have had the privilege of having in my life for the past few years has a son who is autistic. He is sometimes bullied and none of the other kids want to sit next to him. Although I am not sure how much their son realizes those things, his parents sure do and they are heartbroken! I cannot even imagine how they must feel, knowing that their son is mistreated just for his presence and because he is vastly “different” from the other kids. He really does not say anything to anybody or even look at them (so obviously he does not start trouble with anyone but keeps to himself) but sometimes I am able to get him to say a few words to me (and it makes my day!) I think he needs to know that there are people who do love him and accept him the way he is!

Whenever this sweet boy’s parents (my friends) have talked about what he goes through with other kids, my heart breaks for all of them, especially to see his father break down and cry when he thinks about it. His son can give very little love back to him, but he continues to love him with all he has regardless. That right there is a father who truly, genuinely loves his children! What an amazing example in today’s world, where it is almost the norm that fathers are not in their children’s lives for whatever reason or are not really available to them emotionally, even if they do live in the same house. Just because fathers aren’t naturally the loving, nurturing type like mothers are does not mean there is an excuse to be “absent.”

My friend’s son went to a kids camp at church recently and guess who went with him…my friend (his father). His son wanted to participate in the activities but was afraid to do so alone as the other kids did not interact with him at all and so my friend got on the ground and army crawled through the mud with his son right next to his side until they reached the finish line together! Out of all the people there, only one parent came up to my friend afterwards and commented how very touched she was by the love she saw between him and his son that she had never, ever seen before in any father-son relationship and how special it was to see that. She was in tears as she told my friend this, in my presence. Then, we were all in tears. You see, she did not have her father in her life at all growing up and this display of a beautiful father-son moment forever touched her. It touched my life also, because I too did not have a father who was emotionally there for me at all. How I wished I had witnessed that tender moment firsthand! So, even though nobody else there (except this one lady) noticed or acknowledged this beautiful display of unconditional love for a son, it touched two lives very much…mine and hers. I also think it encouraged this father to keep on doing what he is already doing so beautifully, shining like Jesus in the life of his son.

Isn’t that how God is to us? Even though we are weak, frail and sometimes don’t even notice he is there, he is still right there beside us when nobody else is…to army crawl through the mud of life with us. That is amazing fatherly love.

No Turning Back

A song I vividly remember singing as a child goes, “The world behind me, the cross before me/the world behind me, the cross before me/the world behind me, the cross before me, no turning back, no turning back. Though none go with me, still I will follow/though none go with me, still I will follow/though none go with me, still I will follow/no turning back, no turning back.” There is so much truth to this children’s song that, when we let the words sink in, encourage us to keep on going towards Christ, no matter what.

It has never, nor will it ever be the easy, popular thing to follow Christ in this world. We are to expect the majority of people to laugh at us for our beliefs, challenge our beliefs and accuse us of being things that we are not, such as hateful or intolerant all because we stand up for what is right. This can be a difficult spot to be in. However, it is more important than ever to stand up for what is right even though we are going in the opposite direction of what the world says is the “right” way to go. The Bible tells us that we WILL be persecuted for our faith in Christ, so we need to expect it. The important thing to do is to keep our eyes on him, no matter the cost and remember that in the end, all wrongs will be made right and that our faith will be rewarded.

II Timothy 4 states, “At my first defense, NO ONE came to my support, but everyone deserted me…But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength…”(v 16-17) and “The Lord will rescue me from every evil attack and will bring me safely to his heavenly kingdom.” (v 18) This tells me that many times, we will stand alone but not to lose heart because the Lord will give us strength to do the right thing and not  only that, but he will rescue me from EVERY evil attack (and there will be many!) Who else on this earth can promise that?! Anything worth something comes with a cost, but the great news is we are not alone because the Lord will give us strength and rescue us. We also have our brothers and sisters in Christ to encourage us to keep the fight and not give up.

At times, I have felt like I am walking around battered and bruised from the world. However, when I refocus and turn my eyes back on the one I am living for, I gain new strength to fight another day. Sometimes I need to be reminded to hold on to God’s promises and keep my eyes “on the prize.” When I do this, the negativity of the world fades in comparison.

Every day, I am very grateful that I have hope in Him! This world will pass away and everything in it, but God’s truth and our real home will never pass away. Even though this world is getting worse and worse and more difficult to live in every day, we still have hope! When you feel yourself starting to slip away by the stress of life, re-adjust your focus and be encouraged that no matter how bad things are here on earth, we have a hope that will never pass away and a God who will never let us down! He stands true to his promises and his mercies are new every single day!

A very encouraging verse comes to my mind when feeling the effects of a world that constantly tries to beat us down. It is found in Psalm 91:7 which states, “A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you.” I strongly recommend reading all of Psalm 91 for more encouragement in fighting this battle we call life, especially in these last days. The harder the battle, the more profound his protection over us.

If we are not careful, it is so easy to become discouraged and even angered by the bad things going on around us. Sometimes it even feels that evil is winning over good. We may even feel faint at heart and begin to adopt “stinkin’ thinkin” which states, “Why bother even praying anymore when it seems like evil is swallowing up the good in this world?” Good question. However, prayer is of utmost importance at times like this. Can you imagine how things would be if everyone got discouraged and decided to quit praying? If we did that, then our loved ones who are unsaved may never accept Christ as their savior. Because of your prayers, they may be in heaven and thank you then that you prayed for them and did not give up. Or think about the times there is that obvious glimmer of hope that comes out of a tragedy because of prayer. We are deflecting much more that you know, simply because of our prayers. The Bible tells us that prayers of a righteous man “availeth much” and there is great joy in answered prayers! God still hears and answers our prayers, sometimes in miraculous ways and sometimes so quietly that you almost miss it!

So, even though it seems like evil has the upper hand, do not give up praying. Do not give up following Christ, our ONLY hope. Do not forsake encouraging others to stand strong in their faith. We need to spur each other on in this difficult journey called life as we go against the flow of what is popular.

Those who live and die for themselves have no hope beyond the grave, but those who stand firm to the end and put their trust in Him will only REALLY begin to live after physical death on earth. This life is merely like our “kindergarten,” and all of the lessons we learn now will prepare us for eternal life. Are you ready?