To those who have had either experience with your father, I
pray that you have forgiven them and then realized that you have a heavenly
father who truly loves you and will take care of you better than any earthly
father could! To those of you who grew up with a good or a great day, you have
been truly blessed and I pray you have not taken them for granted!
Sometimes it still hurts a little seeing other people who
have a close, loving relationship with their dads although I was happy for them,
of course. I just felt like I really missed out on something. For different
reasons, my boys feel that they have also missed out on something, as they do
not have their father (or grandfather) actively in their life on a regular
basis (by their choice). My heart hurts for them and I know that they too know
the pain when seeing other kids whose dads still live at home and are very
involved with their kids. I long for them to know how very much they are loved,
even if they do not feel it because of this lack of close, caring relationship
that they have always desired with their father too. I have learned through my
years of being a single mom that a mother cannot take the place of a father
figure. God created mothers and fathers for very different role, and both are
equally important in the life of a child.
Watching what my boys have faced through their teenage years
without their dad, however, I am now very touched when I see friends of mine
being a wonderful father to their children. I often wonder if those fathers (my
friends) know what an amazing impact they are making on their children’s lives!
Their children will not have to feel the pain of having an absent or unkind
dad. They will not have to struggle with feelings of rejection, hurt or
feelings of being unlovable. They will also not have to doubt God’s love for
them as their heavenly Father. For this, I am thankful and very happy for their
children. If you are a parent, never underestimate the power you have in your
child’s life! You can make them or break them, so be the best parent you can to
your child(ren) and make sure to take every opportunity to tell them and show
them how much you love and care about them!
One dear sweet family (whom I love dearly) that I have had
the privilege of having in my life for the past few years has a son who is
autistic. He is sometimes bullied and none of the other kids want to sit next
to him. Although I am not sure how much their son realizes those things, his
parents sure do and they are heartbroken! I cannot even imagine how they must
feel, knowing that their son is mistreated just for his presence and because he
is vastly “different” from the other kids. He really does not say anything to
anybody or even look at them (so obviously he does not start trouble with
anyone but keeps to himself) but sometimes I am able to get him to say a few
words to me (and it makes my day!) I think he needs to know that there are
people who do love him and accept him the way he is!
Whenever this sweet boy’s parents (my friends) have talked
about what he goes through with other kids, my heart breaks for all of them,
especially to see his father break down and cry when he thinks about it. His
son can give very little love back to him, but he continues to love him with
all he has regardless. That right there is a father who truly, genuinely loves
his children! What an amazing example in today’s world, where it is almost the
norm that fathers are not in their children’s lives for whatever reason or are
not really available to them emotionally, even if they do live in the same
house. Just because fathers aren’t naturally the loving, nurturing type like
mothers are does not mean there is an excuse to be “absent.”
My friend’s son went to a kids camp at church recently and
guess who went with him…my friend (his father). His son wanted to participate
in the activities but was afraid to do so alone as the other kids did not
interact with him at all and so my friend got on the ground and army crawled
through the mud with his son right next to his side until they reached the
finish line together! Out of all the people there, only one parent came up to
my friend afterwards and commented how very touched she was by the love she saw
between him and his son that she had never, ever seen before in any father-son
relationship and how special it was to see that. She was in tears as she told
my friend this, in my presence. Then, we were all in tears. You see, she did
not have her father in her life at all growing up and this display of a
beautiful father-son moment forever touched her. It touched my life also,
because I too did not have a father who was emotionally there for me at all.
How I wished I had witnessed that tender moment firsthand! So, even though nobody else
there (except this one lady) noticed or acknowledged this beautiful display of
unconditional love for a son, it touched two lives very much…mine and hers. I
also think it encouraged this father to keep on doing what he is already doing
so beautifully, shining like Jesus in the life of his son.
Isn’t that how God is to us? Even though we are weak, frail
and sometimes don’t even notice he is there, he is still right there beside us
when nobody else is…to army crawl through the mud of life with us. That is
amazing fatherly love.
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