Broken Warrior

 

Most of you have heard, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” I am a living testament to that! You name it, I have probably been through it. But, isn’t it interesting that the Lord does not take us around these really bad, difficult times; instead, he walks us THROUGH it.

I know that many times I have prayed for God to take some difficulty away from me so I would not have to face the uncertain darkness alone. Some roads I have been asked to travel down have been downright scary! However, I have always come through to the other side, still alive. I have broken some along the way and come out different than I went in, but here I am to prove it too did not take me down forever. God remained the same through each and every one of those horrible, dark places I have had to travel through, but I came out changed. I may have come out kicking and screaming on the other side and had a few crying fests or times where I felt like I wanted to give up in the midst of it, but something always kept me going one more step until I walked out…once again.

The one striking difference I have noticed between who I was, let’s say 15 years ago, and who I am now is that I am much stronger and tougher now. The smaller things don’t phase me the way they used to and I get over things much more quickly than I did before. I don’t get upset or hurt about the little things anymore. I can overlook a lot of things now that I could not before. I had a huge heart for people (and animals) and so I took it hard whenever I was criticized, hurt, mistreated or ignored by people when I treated everyone like I would a friend (as I wanted to be treated). I used to be a very sensitive person and it took a little time to get over things, but thankfully God has changed that to where I can now get right back up almost immediately, fix my armor, get back up on the horse and ride off victoriously and valiantly.

For those of you who have either read my book or followed my blogs for some time know that in 2013, I had the hardest year of my life hands down. Even the childhood abuse I grew up in, the bad marriage I was in to an addict who became abusive late in our marriage, great financial struggles, periods of unemployment, the challenges of being a single parent (especially of teenagers) and everything in between combined still did not overshadow all I went through in 2013. That was the beast of all trials. If anything would have destroyed me, that year alone would have done me in for good!

However, God slowly prepared me over time by “toughening me up” by giving me the ability to let go of people who did not want the best for me and who did not love me just the way I am. I had always wanted everyone to love me, having come from a loveless childhood home and then through a loveless marriage, and did all I could to gain acceptance from everyone. I thought if I loved everyone enough, they would love me too, right? How wrong that was!

It took a long time to “get it,” but finally I had that light bulb moment that said “Let go of the need to be loved by the majority. All you need is God’s love and the love of a few close, faithful friends. People who will accept you the way you are. Don’t worry about the rest loving you,” and I learned through the course of several years that if I was to rise up strong and not be destroyed by this, this had to change. I also let go of any and all expectations I had of people. “Expect nothing from anybody” has been my new motto, and it has set me free to love more and be hurt less!

I cannot put my finger on it exactly, but all I know is that earlier this year I woke up a strong warrior. The more I thought about it, the more this transition made Biblical sense. For example, it says in the Bible 365 times not to fear. II Timothy 1:7 says, “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (fear), but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.” Scripture also says that he is the strength in our weakness. We are promised that “those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” (Isaiah 40:31). Isaiah 43:2b says that “when you walk through the fire (turmoil, trials), you will not be burned…”

To me, this sounds like warrior material. Although I am pretty much a fearless person, I was letting relationships and feeling for others hold me back from being a strong warrior in tip-top shape. It is very clear to me throughout scripture that God does not want us going around like defeated weaklings with our heads down, but like strong warriors with our heads up, ready to fight the battles before us!! He will give us the strength we need, the materials to fight with and the armor to wear for the battles we face (Ephesians 6:10-17). Phrases like “stand firm,” “be strong,” “take up,” and “extinguish all the flaming arrows” sounds like a battle plan for somebody getting ready to go out and fight. Life for some of us is a series of battles, one after the other, but thankfully God does not leave us to helplessly fight these battles ourselves without any protective armor. He strengthens us with what we have learned through the previous battle(s) we have faced. We just need to trust him to bring us through once again.

A warrior is defined as “A brave or experienced soldier or fighter.” As times get harder in these last days, the Lord is preparing us to fight the battles that are sure to come our way. The more out-of-control things get around us and the more that “wrong becomes right” and “right becomes wrong,” and the more our Biblical views conflict with the world’s views, the more difficult things will become.

God is going to need his army of believers to rise up and stand up for what is right and pursue him, even if it means losing everything we have. Through our life circumstances, he has been preparing us little by little for harder battles to come. He has patiently molded us in our brokenness to become strong warriors…Broken warriors.