One Decision

Many of us have lived life long enough to know that our decisions and the decisions of others can sometimes carry hefty consequences. The drunk driver getting behind the wheel, the unwanted pregnancy, the split-second choice of words spoken or actions performed caused by a moment of anger or rage, someone taking their life because of depression and nowhere else to turn; we could go on and on.

Throughout life, we will have thousands of decisions to make, some well-thought out and some spur of the moment or those made out of anger, hurt, fear or a sense of urgency. We have to be very mindful of every decision we make, knowing it could potentially cause an even bigger problem to ourselves or those we love, and never make important ones hastily.

A good rule of thumb is to write out the pros and cons. There are usually two choices; what would happen if I chose A versus B? Then pray about God to give you the wisdom to make the right decision and then give you peace about it. Many times, your gut instinct is right but it is still important to at least consider the outcome(s) to make sure you are not being swayed by an outside influence.

Case in point. Over 20 years ago, I fell in love with “the perfect man,” so I thought. My mom had always told me a couple of things to watch out for and never to marry a man with those couple of traits, but what did I do? I fell hard in love, ignoring my mom’s advice. I ignored some red flags, because I was head over heels in love. I prayed about this relationship some, but did not truly take the time to wait for God’s answer. I went ahead and married him a year-and-a-half later, only to realize four years into the marriage I was in serious trouble. He was nothing like he was when I married him.

Of course nobody is perfect, but when I was in my early 20s and hormones were raging, somebody showed me good attention and I felt truly loved for the first time in my life, those red flags got ignored and what should have been a careful decision turned into a quickly made choice to get married.

We struggled hard for the last eight years of our marriage. He was a ladies’ man (which I did not see at first), always trying to pick up a young cutie everywhere he went. His unfaithfulness became apparent as did his addiction to pornography. Then the abuse started the last few years. If only I had…

We had two children together and the marriage fell apart. The rest of my life and the lives of our children would be forever changed because of that one choice I made of whom I chose to marry instead of waiting for God’s best. I am still paying the consequences 20 years later as are my teenage boys (though things have been good, just difficult).

Don’t get me wrong, I am blessed beyond measure by my two gifts (boys) God gave me through that marriage (my two boys)! However, we were left to pick up a lot of shattered pieces, which was a long, difficult process. We had to re-create a new life from a broken dream…You know, the dream every little girl has of marrying the prince, living happily ever after in a white picket-fenced house raising your children together, retiring and sitting on the porch cherishing memories of old together and waiting for our grandchildren to visit.

A couple of times through the years, I thought about the following question: What if I had given my blind guy friend in college a chance? He was definitely interested in me. He was a gentle, kind, sweet soul. We had some really good times together, but I would not give him a chance in the romance department because of selfishness. He was a great friend, but when you are young, you think down the road and what the future would hold if things worked out in a relationship with great challenges already visible out front and center. No, I told myself, I could not get involved with him because there would be too many challenges in that kind of relationship.

Having grown up in an abusive home and being bullied a lot growing up, I wanted to be with a man who could tell me I was pretty. Looking back twenty years later, I know he could have done this every bit as much as the man I actually married (who never did tell me I was pretty, by the way). My blind friend had a golden treasure I did not see at that time; he did not have the barrier of physical appearance to get in the way. He saw my heart and soul and the beauty within. What did I miss out on by not giving him a chance?

I rarely ever think back to the what-ifs, however, because I know it can be enough to drive myself batty and it really does no good because what’s done is done and we move on, right? I have learned from that experience, however, and that is the important thing. I never want to live with regrets or what-ifs anymore.

The ultimate example that we can guide our decisions by is the one that Christ made to die a grueling, horrible death for us. He saw we were in trouble and needed a savior; we could not help ourselves. I am sure it was a very difficult decision to make because he knew how his demise would happen and the torture involved. Yet, out of selflessness and love for us, he carefully planned this out and followed through with it. He saw beyond the difficulties and knew what it would mean for generations and generations of human beings for thousands of years to come. No regrets. No second-thoughts. No what-ifs. He knew what must be done and did it.

Christ’s one single decision to sacrifice his life for ours significantly changed history.  Our one single decision could significantly change (our) future.