You Have Infinite Value!

Those of us who grew up in an abusive home where we were not valued understand what it is to start life off on the wrong foot with things going against us right from the start. Instead of being a loved, cherish family member, you (and I) were seen as a waste of space or an inconvenience to speak only when spoken to. Anything that you said could at any moment be taken the wrong way and met with a hard slap across the face, getting pushed down or hair forcefully pulled. When one has this as the beginning foundation to start life off with, it is very difficult to believe you are valued by anyone, even God.

When you are not valued as a child in your own home, you find that other people see something different about you and many of them don’t treat you as if you have value either. You even have a hard time seeing value in yourself because of how everyone else sees you. Although you still have some friends and loved ones, you feel devalued to most people, who can pick up on cues you give off without even knowing it. Kids at school tend to pick on these kids as well, sensing they have a weak spot and struggle with a healthy self-image. Then because of all of that, you find it extremely difficult to believe you could possibly be valuable to God too! You know what his Word says about your value and your head may fully believe it but your heart may really struggle with taking on that belief too. I know because I too have been there!

However,…(Ah yes, there is that sometimes ugly, unwanted word because whatever follows it is not something we can grasp with grace, but in this case it is very important! Just hear me out a minute.) the broken, sinful world we live in sees value in all the wrong things. Everyone, and I mean everyone, has some value. Not one person is a piece of garbage (no matter what you have been told your entire life) nor is any person a mistake (even though some of us believed this about ourselves for years)! Not even the homeless person who does not have a dime to his name and from the perspective of most people, is not worthy of being noticed.

It was not until I turned 40 that an amazing thing happened. It took several years for God to strengthen me and mold me into a person who was finally able to see great value in myself as a unique individual…no better or no worse than anyone else, just different. I was led to believe for many years that because I often saw things outside the box and because I have a very different perspective on many things that something was wrong with me. Nobody patted me on the back as a child or young adult and filled my head with positive thoughts about myself or encouraged me. I felt like a lone wolf in a big cruel negative world.

I went from zero to hero in my self-perception, but only because of the great work God has done in the course of 40 years. It was a slow process that evolved over my first 39 years, where I did not fully embrace who God made me and see my own value through those years, except maybe in very small ways. However, at age 40 that proverbial “light bulb” came on and I finally got it!

Don’t let anyone dictate your value! Your value is NOT based on what others think of you, even if it feels everyone devalues you or sees you as a “screw up” or “good-for-nothing.” Because I had always been told and shown I was a person without value growing up (the first 18 years of my life), it took many years to undo that thinking. In my 20s, I began to find some value in myself as God brought the best years of my life in my 20s once I moved out of that home environment and I became more comfortable with who I was as a person (and I was okay with who I was). Then I got married to a man (and was married for 12 years) who also saw little value in me when all was said and done. Ten steps forward, eight steps back. Now I had to “re-invent” who I was and once again, ask God to help me accept and love myself no matter who thought what about me and no matter who said hurtful, demeaning things to me.

In my 30s, I was again single and I had to learn all over again who I was (as I stood alone) and accept myself in this new phase of my life. Then I began to once again see my value. When I could see my own value more clearly and fully accept who God made me to be instead of wanting to be something else, I began to see that God also valued me!  It took me slightly longer than 30 years, but at that point I learned that it was okay if everyone did not like me. Just because I had a big heart that loved everybody else did not mean everyone was going to love, or even like me, and that was okay. I also had to remove some people from my life who were negative and made me feel “less than” when I was around them and that too is okay and actually a healthy thing to do. People you associate with on a consistent basis should lift you up, not tear you down (even if that means family).

Throughout those years, I always found some sense of comfort in reading the passages of scripture that read, “Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?” (Matthew 6:26) and Matthew 10:30-31 which reads, “But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 31"So do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows.”

I knew this must be true, even about myself, and that somehow in all of the chaotic mess and web of lies I had always been led to believe about myself was not true, at least according to God, and this was the only thing that truly mattered! I needed to get back to the times where I did feel valued and cherished, no matter how little. My grandparents were really the only ones I can look back on throughout my first 20 years of life and say, “Yes, they definitely valued me. No doubt!” So, I held on to that, knowing that if they cherished and valued me, then it was possible for God to do this as well, even me.

Do you have trouble seeing your value? Have you been told more often than not that you are worthless, a good-for-nothing loser who was wrong about how you thought, felt and believed? I pray that the light bulb comes on for you too and that you waste no more time living without a sense of value and purpose. It is NOT a fun place to be and it keeps you from achieving your purpose…to go out and SHINE for God and show others how much you love them and value them too! How I regret wasting so many years in that struggle. But you know what, I think I value myself even more fully now because of what I struggled through then, and because of that I believe I am better equipped to help and encourage others to see their value too.

You of great value…YES you! Get up, dust yourselves off, embrace who God made you to be (there is nobody else like you) and shine on!! J