Stony Hearts

Many people are walking around with stony hearts. Sometimes, these stony hearts are caused by past regrets, past situations or past heart breaks. Usually anger, hurt, bitterness or betrayal can cause stony hearts. We should have been treated better. We deserved to be born into a better home. We worked hard for that promotion, but somebody less deserving got it. There are all kinds of situations that “motivate” some people to keep walking around with stony hearts.

I personally know people who have walked around for years with stony hearts. Instead of working through past difficulties, overcoming them and forgiving others, they have chosen to live a life of anger, hurt and bitterness. It would have been easier to bust out of Alcatraz than to bust through their stony hearts. The walls are built so high that no amount of love and kindness would even begin to put a dent in their hearts because they refuse to allow it. However, with God all things are possible, even busting through these types of walls and hearts. I have personally seen that happen as well.

Case in point. I have spoken at Teen Challenge (an international Christian-based drug and alcohol in house rehab program) locally for about three years now, sharing my testimonies and encouraging these young men that no matter what they have been through, God is bigger and they too can be overcomers. There was one young man in particular whom I will never forget. I first saw him sitting in a chapel service I spoke at about two years ago. He had the look of a rock hard Marine chiseled on his face. I knew without a doubt that this was the last place he wanted to be at that moment, in a chapel service. He stared straight ahead and his eyes and tight-lipped mouth did not move an inch. When I stood next to him, I felt a negative presence within him which was intimidating, to say the least.

As I left, I could not get this young man out of my mind. I kept seeing his face and remembering the uneasiness I felt when standing next to him, almost as if I had been at the gates of Alcatraz. I firmly believe that God laid this young man on my heart for a very specific purpose, and I began to pray for him by name and that God would reach through his stony heart and break him out of this hard wall he had built around himself. I began to have a burden for this young man that brought me to tears as I prayed for him. I knew without a doubt that God wanted me to reach out to him and pray for him by name.

A few Sundays later, this group of men came to our evening church service. I went up to this young man and spoke to him, telling him that I felt that God wanted me to tell him how much He loved him and how God had laid him on my heart to pray for him and I encouraged him to stay strong in this fight. I also said something to the effect that I believed he would overcome this and that God would use him in a very special way some day. Frankly, I don’t remember everything I said to him but I do know that God gave me the words to say and as scared as I was to go up to him and encourage him as I did (I do not normally go up to strangers and strike up conversations like this), I felt a strong urgency to talk to him and tell him I was praying for him. After that, I gave him a hug. Again, this is something I don’t do to strangers, but I felt led to do so at that particular moment.

He was very tall, stared straight ahead as I spoke and stood like a stone statue as I reached out and hugged him. His eyes did not budge and neither did the frown. I don’t even know if he realized what was going on or heard anything I said. To be honest, it was out of my comfort zone big time to say these things to a total stranger, much less hug one. I almost felt stupid for all of that afterwards, but felt so strongly led to do so beforehand, I still went through with it. Then I began to have doubts; you know, when you do the right thing though it was very difficult and uncomfortable but you did it anyway and then Satan beats you up for it. Then I began to overthink it and even began to talk myself into thinking I just made a fool out of myself…for a few minutes. Then I stood straight up, gave myself a crash course in Overcoming Doubt and moved on. I continued to pray for this young man every day.

A few months later, I went back and spoke again at the chapel service. Same young man was there. This time, the stony eyes and hard mouth were gone. There was a tiny hint of softness in his face and he actually seemed to be listening to what I was speaking on that particular night. If I remember correctly, he even shook my hand after my testimony and said thank you for the words I shared. Sometime after that, I went up to him again after a Sunday evening service and he looked like a completely different man…unrecognizable! He brightened up when I went over to him and he started talking so much I could hardly keep up. I am still stunned by the radical transformation that God did in his life!

Even though some people choose to remain stony-hearted, a few are reached by a single person who goes out of their comfort zone by sharing some encouraging words, reaching out with a hug and praying for them by name on a daily basis. If you notice someone like this, ask God to give you the courage to reach out to them in love. God could use you as the first stepping stone to break through their stony heart when nobody else would even dare try. Sometimes it takes a stranger with a burden to begin to break the walls of a stony heart just enough that they begin to open up their heart to God and allow Him to work on their heart the rest of the way.

This is only possible with God as He works through us when we are obedient to his call. Ezekiel 36:26 states, “I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.” Indeed, he can…and does!

Silver Linings

Seeing the good in things, the “silver lining” so to speak, does not come naturally. It seems like I have had to constantly train my children from the time they were little to see the good in things. I say things like, “Instead of saying in a demanding tone, ‘Why did you pick us up so late?!’ how about saying instead, “Thank you for picking us up. I know you had to work late today.” Or, “Instead of complaining about how we never seem to have enough money, look at what we do have and be thankful, because many more people in the world are much worse off than we are.” How about the clincher… “Why is there NEVER anything to eat?” (After I just brought home $100 worth of groceries) which prompts me to say “How about, thank you for getting the groceries, coming up with a menu plan and having food on the table every morning and night and school lunches ready every day.”

It never ceases to amaze me how so many people complain about what they DON’T have instead of being thankful for what they DO have! Don’t get me wrong, that was a cycle I had to break myself years ago. I too never seemed to have “enough” things (though I had an overabundance). I too was sick and tired of always having the “garbage” of life dumped on me when everyone else seemed to have it so much better. I was also guilty of looking past my blessings and instead focusing on what I did not have or what went wrong instead of what went right. So what changed?

First, (twenty years ago) the good Lord moved us to the middle of nowhere in Alaska for three years. The biggest thing I learned while I lived there was that I did not need things to be happy and that I already had all I needed. I learned to put more focus on people instead of things. Instead of getting upset or embarrassed, I learned that it was not the end of the world if three other women showed up at a dinner party in the same formal dress I wore. It actually became a joke after a while. God broke my chains of materialism way back then, which prepared me well for the life of a single mom, which I became seven years after we moved away from Alaska.

Next, I have learned to depend on God for every single need through the years I have spent as a single mom. I had to work hard and pray for every single thing I acquired (needs and wants). Because I only had a budget for my basic needs and just a little extra at times, I have learned to make do with what I already have, and I believe my children will be better off someday because of this. Even though I have fewer things than I have ever had throughout the course of my life, I have NEVER been happier. God has shown me what is truly important and to be thankful for everything I have, because all of it is a gift from him.

Third, I have been through some very deep, dark valleys throughout my life, including surviving abuse, having an unfaithful spouse, suicide attempts, depression, bullying, major health problems, losing a job (twice), chronic pain, divorce, almost losing my house and rejection. These have all been “blessings in disguise.” I say that because without these things, I never would have learned to appreciate each and every moment as I do today. I look at things with joy that most people walk right on by and ignore. I can’t help but smile because I appreciate every little bit of God’s creation. Because I have been “to hell and back” with all of my very dark, lonely moments, I find the little things such as a tiny flower a big deal that most people would never notice. I smile at the tree that I often drive by that is heart-shaped. When a blue-tailed skink makes its way in my house, I am amazed at the beauty of the bright blue tail it beholds.

Philippians 4:8 says, “…whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.” It took a few years and several difficult circumstances, but God changed me into a person that could see a silver lining in almost any difficult situation.

I was brought up in a very negative home environment and it came naturally to me to see the glass as “half-empty” instead of “half-full.” Thankfully, nothing is too hard for God and he did a 180 in my life by changing me to the point of where I can look at a difficult situation in my life and the first thing I try to do now is see the positive, no matter how small, in that situation.

For example, for the past 3+ years I have been in a 30-hour-a-week job. It has been difficult financially and very frustrating because for most of these 3+ years, I have been searching high and low for another job to supplement my income. There have been several times where I was so discouraged that I began to despise the fact I was in this part-time job that would lead nowhere with no chance for a better income. However, just as quickly I have seen all of the blessings this job has given me...I have some amazing co-workers who give each person their own birthday party to make them feel special. I have a boss who was very understanding and patient as I went through the hardest year of my life soon after starting this job and I know without a doubt he prayed for me. We are able to joke with each other and have a good time in this somewhat laid-back environment. No, it does not pay well and the benefits are not great, but I am blessed that I have a job to go to every day that I look forward to.

Because of all I have been through, every single day I thank God for the silver linings that he has given me even in the difficulties and those that he has given me the ability to see. I intend to see a lot more of those, even in the stormy days ahead…and that makes me smile with gratitude. J

Your Story Isn’t Finished.

When many of us reach our 40s, we often look back on our lives and what we have accomplished up to this point. Where am I at in my career, how many lives have I touched (influenced), do I have the family I dreamed of as a child, have I seen and done as much as I had hoped by this age, do I have a nest egg set aside for retirement, am I as far along in my life spiritually, emotionally and physically as I should be…? Some people could answer that they are pleased with where they are at in their lives at this point. Others of us, however, are left disappointed and not anywhere near where we expected to be.

When I was a little girl I imagined that by age 40, I would still be happily married, have children who thought the world of me and live in a big white picket-fenced home with a couple of dogs. I was going to be a scientist and travel all over the world (I love to travel) and see exotic places I had only read about. I was going to win people to Christ and possibly even write a book and change the world. I was going to take the world on by storm! (I am a first-born, can you tell?)

However, I find myself at age 45, divorced, raising two (wonderful but difficult) boys alone who are at the age where the “You-know-nothing” and, “I-can’t-wait-to-get-out-of-this-house-and-live-on- my-own” attitude takes over. I am in a dead-end job (though I love what I do) and had to take a BIG pay cut (and cut in hours) when my previous employer retired and closed his practice.

In college, I could not pass chemistry though I got very high grades in biology, anatomy and physiology, so there went my chances for the medical technology program and my dreams of being a scientist in a lab. Like many others, we are struggling financially and have to trust the Lord to provide for all of our needs. I have a very small savings and no chance for retirement. Ever. I worked my way up through the first three jobs I had after becoming a single parent and got a pretty decent paying job after all of that hard work and determination, only to have to go backwards several steps. Talk about a collision of reality and dreams!

I did, however, write that book but here it is one year later, and it still has not taken off. Don’t get me wrong, I am VERY thankful that God even gave me the opportunity to share my testimony through my book and that he worked out all of the details for me to (self) publish it. It has reached a few hundred people at most but my dream of writing a book still did come to pass.

To be honest, I have always been a big dreamer. I had big plans for my life. I am a very passionate person and work 200% at everything I do. None of this half-way stuff with me. Nope, I do it all big and I do it right. I always heard that if you work hard enough, have a strong work ethic and do what you are passionate about, then you will succeed. It is clear that someone like me would not be happy with selling a few hundred copies of a book that took 2.5 years to write and sat on my shelf for another 2.5 years unpublished. The countless hours praying for anointing over the book seemed to fall on deaf ears.

I was so discouraged at one point while writing the manuscript that I literally threw it in the trash can. Two days later, I was walking down the hall at church and ran into someone I did not even know very well or even talk to that much and he told me specifically to keep on writing the book I was working on and not to give up because this is what he strongly felt that God was leading me to do and I was on the right path. I then decided that I needed to continue going on forward with it even though I wanted to give up at that point.

Looking back, I am thankful that I listened to that advice and got that book published. Did it change the world? No. However, if it encouraged 100 people and changed one life for Christ, then there was some purpose in it and it was still the right thing to do. I realize now that I probably needed to downscale my huge ideas and aspirations a bit to something more realistic. Sometimes we get carried away in what we think our lives ought to look like. Some of us even feel like we have to fill the shoes of Wonder Woman or Superman in order to make our mark in the world when in fact, God uses us to make our mark in the world in all kinds of ways, big and small.

Over the past ten years of my “career” as a single mom, I have learned quite a bit and come to realize that everywhere God has placed me (my neighborhood, my church, my family & the different jobs I have had), is right where he wants to use me to make an impact. Even if it is as simple as encouraging someone at work who is at the end of their rope or just being a listening ear to someone who needs it or maybe just merely noticing someone’s existence who feels invisible is changing a part of the world. Most importantly, just being there for your children and showing them they mean the world to you and encouraging them has a huge impact on them, which in turn can impact their future as well as many other people with whom they come into contact.

Some of us are so occupied with wanting to make such a huge mark in this world that we forget the small world around us that needs our impact just as much. Great impact starts with one person, then another and then before you know it, the impact of one single person has rippled out and affected many people.

I wasted too many years being disappointed that I have not been able to do more, help more, be more and experience more. I hope that you too learn that where you are in life is exactly where you are meant to be at this point in your life. Nothing more, nothing less. With hard work, determination, prayer and the right attitude, you have the potential to go far. But your idea and God’s idea of what is “big” may be two very different things. He can see so much more than we can see. Our minds are so small in comparison to his. All we can see is the here and now and what we have gone through in the past, but God sees all of that PLUS the future and he is not done with us yet. Life is not over yet. There is still hope and things can change overnight. So, don’t give up.

God gave me a promise earlier this year in Philippians 1:6 which says, “God began doing a good work in you, and I am sure he will continue it until it is finished when Jesus Christ comes again.” What an encouragement to my soul when I really needed it! Just when I thought I had taken so many steps backwards and longed for something more to come out of my life, I began to see with a fresh new set of “eyes” that the story of my life is not yet complete. Even if my life is not what I thought or hoped it would be by now, it will be the story that God wanted it to be when I reach the end of my days. One day, we will be able to say that our lives turned out beautiful, even with all the junk we had to go through.

And that, my friend, is something to be excited about! J

Singlehood (Superhero), Part 2

I have been on this “journey of singleness again” for ten years. It has definitely had its ups and downs and has been very challenging, to say the least. This marital status is not for wimps, I tell you!! If any of you who are reading this know someone facing this journey of singleness, whether due to never having found a spouse yet or due to being divorced or widowed, please encourage and pray for them! I promise you that they are facing challenges you could not possibly understand unless you’re walking in their shoes. Even though there are many benefits to being single, there are also hardships.

Backing up to ten years ago, I found myself in a new city, new state and all alone (without a spouse) for the first time in 12 years. It took about a year-and-a-half to feel like a “whole” person again and for the first time in several years, I was beginning to discover what made me, me and what I really enjoyed doing. I also had to do everything differently and re-define our home and schedule to accommodate our “new situation.”

Of course, I was never busier having two small boys to raise completely alone (remember my family was now 12 hours away & we had moved 9 hours away from our previous home and friends). Every day, it felt l had 40 hours of work to do in any 24-hour period and it was very demanding and overwhelming at times! There was never enough energy, time or money to stay on top of things as I always had before. I had to re-organize and re-structure things so that “everything would fit” into our new lives. Although it was tough, it was very rewarding and even fun at times. I would never trade anything for my boys!

This was just my “new normal” and I was going to make it work! I always had that attitude throughout my adult-hood, when we moved every three years or so for my husband’s job. Situations were temporary and I was, one way or the other, going to make it work and make the best out of every situation, seeing it as a challenge. I have lived everywhere from the most frigid, desolate places to the hottest and busiest (and even dangerous) cities and everywhere in-between. No Walmart closer than six hours away? No problem! Sharing the yard with moose and other strange creatures with almost no city entertainment or shopping? It’s all good…just temporary! Waiting for tires to unfreeze so they are round again? Just give it a few minutes.

Through all of our moves, especially to the less-than-desirable locations, I learned how to make the best out of it and God prepared me well for single parenthood before it even happened. He changed me into someone who was much less dependent on material things to be happy and taught me that “less is best.” He taught me that it was not the end of the world if three women (including me) showed up at the company party in the same dress (from lack of stores). He taught me that, when weather and living conditions were difficult and very different from what I was used to, I could find ways to make things work (resourcefulness). He also taught me to laugh at more things, including myself, and that the house did not have to be immaculate to the point that company could eat off the floor! Despite all of these things, life would still go on and it would be fine in the end!

All of that being said, my Superhero status of Wimpywoman began to look more and more like Superwoman!

Fast forward a few years to “single again,” going on four years. I was in my late 30s and finally at that point where I wanted to meet someone again. I was really beginning to struggle with loneliness and the boys were getting to be that age where they were really struggling with not having a good father figure in their life on a regular basis. They were hurting and I was hurting. I spent a few years trying all the normal ways of trying to find a man, even internet dating sites. The guys I did find and start conversations with on-line were so scary after the first few conversations, I ran away with my tail between my legs! Wow…were these my only choices? How disappointing! Apparently, all of the great guys my age with whom I was compatible were already in relationships or married and I felt like I was having to fish in the “Dead Sea.” Although I was seriously disappointed and lost hope, I started praying very seriously and fervently that God would send us a good, godly man that would love and accept us just the way we were. I felt like I had a lot of knocks against me, but with God, even this was possible!

In the midst of all of this, God had a fun, quirky sense of humor about this. I had prayed that a guy would ask me out to dinner on my birthday that year, which was a very hard year. The night before my birthday, a guy friend of mine called and said he wanted to come watch my boys’ basketball game to support them and wanted to take us out to dinner afterwards (which was ON my birthday). Before you get too excited, this guy was quite a few years younger than me (way out of my age bracket) and he was starting to date someone. There was 0 interest on either side here. I gasped when he asked me that because I realized God DID hear and answer that prayer, though in a roundabout way. Maybe I should have been even more specific?!

Everyone kept telling me, “You are so young! You will find someone.” “Don’t give up. You have a lot of years to live yet.” The biggest killer was, “You are such a beautiful person. Any guy would be lucky to have you! He just hasn’t come across your path yet.” UGH! I prayed hard for seven long years to no avail. Nothing. Nada. After seven years, I got angry and frustrated at God! I did the whole, “God, I did the right things here! I stayed 100% faithful to my husband when we were married and even while separated. I didn’t rush out and look for opportunities to do something I would later regret. I have had to work hard at being disciplined to keep myself pure (which was very difficult!) and have to watch my boys go through so much difficulty in battling with the fact that they don’t have a daddy figure in their lives. While my ex is already re-married though he ‘broke all the rules’ and l lived right in spite of the difficulty, I am still alone. The smugness that resonates off of him when he sees me, still alone and unwanted is deafening! Will you please let me know what I DID WRONG??!!” It was not pretty.

Boy, I really struggled with that for a few years, but then I took a different approach. Thankfully, God was very understanding and patient. Although I was initially angry at God for not answering that prayer (and I fully expected him to), my prayers for those seven years went from “God, please bring us a man who will complete this family. We are struggling with loneliness and other difficulties here. We are barely making it from one paycheck to the next. I am heart-broken to see my kids this way when they need this and I am terrified of growing old alone!” (Just keeping it real here, folks)….

…to, “God, if this is not what you have for me (which was becoming more and more obvious), then take away my (our) desire to have a man in our lives.” I had to push away all of the, “Don’t give up, there is somebody out there” comments I constantly heard and start ignoring them. I really wished I had prayed this way from the beginning, however. It took about six months or so, but finally the Lord removed even the slightest desire to have a man in my life. I realized that we are still a great family, even without a husband/father and that we can still fulfill a purpose on earth!

Almost three years ago, I completely gave up the search for a man, and so did the boys. They got to the point where they said, “It’s okay. We are used to this (not having a dad around). We will be okay. It’s kind of late now any way and this experience will make us better dads and husbands someday to our families.”  I am so proud of them, and even myself, for overcoming all of that. Is it easy? No. Do I still fear growing old alone sometimes? Yes. But is it doable and can I still enjoy life to the fullest? Yes.

Superwoman can live with that. J

Singlehood, Part 1

I have been “single again” for almost ten years. The end of my marriage was a devastating blow to the “white picket fence” and “somebody to grow old with” dream I always had, and I took it hard at first. Don’t get me wrong; I was equally relieved because there were some very wrong things going on and a lot of stress left the house with him.

At first, Satan hit me right where he knew I struggled the most…the top three beasts I call rejection, failure and my outward appearance. I was in a new city, had no job, no friends yet, no savings and did not even really know my way around yet…and he left. His job had just moved us 13 hours away from my family and 9 hours away from our last home and I was lonely…and literally ALONE. Sure, I had the two boys, who were only 5 & 7 at the time and they kept me busy, but now what? All I could do was look up and say, “Well, Lord, it’s just you and me (& the boys) now.” 

REJECTION. I was almost 35 years old at that point and had faced nothing but rejection my whole life, being born into a family where my parents really didn’t want me (or love me) to begin with. Then I was bullied something fierce all the way through school to the point I tried committing suicide twice. Now, after 12 years of marriage (the last 7 of which were extremely difficult), I once again found myself being rejected. My husband had told my boys just before he left that, “your mother is too fat, ugly and old for me. I deserve better.” He was always trying to pick up other (much younger and more beautiful) girls the last few years of marriage, even when we went out as a family.

FAILURE. Although I never once blamed God for the failure of my marriage, I did ask why. I felt I had seriously failed myself, failed my children, failed my family (I was the first one divorced in my family at that point and I was embarrassed) and failed God. Everything I had ever tried so hard to accomplish throughout my life up to that point had failed. Satan knew I had struggled with this my whole life and he took advantage of the perfect opportunity for it to be magnified. I asked God questions like, “Why didn’t my husband even love me or want me? Why did I choose a husband so unwisely?” And, “Why was I being punished when I did ‘all the right things’?” (Not saying I was perfect by any means though.)

The beauty of that situation and hitting such a low point was that I realized at that moment that God was ALL I truly had! No family around, no familiar faces, no savings or job (I had been a stay-at-home mom) and nobody to cry on, hold me or tell me things would be okay. The feelings of rejection in those early days held me down in a dark cell and squeezed the life out of me. First my parents, then kids all through school and now my husband. What was so wrong with me!!??

However, in hindsight, that was in and of itself a blessing in disguise! I always had someone to take care of me and never had to think about, much less worry about, where my needs were going to come from. I went from living at home to living on a college campus followed by getting married. I never had to fully depend on God to provide my every single need until that moment. For the first time ever, I had to put ALL my eggs in this one basket and 100% fully rely on God for every single thing. God’s goodness, trustworthiness, faithfulness and provision shined through more than it ever had in my life. He wouldn’t reject me, but He would be there with me through all of this. Although I lost a lot, I also gained a lot and I would not trade anything for all I gained in those early days.

OUTWARD APPEARANCE. Having grown up in a school which seemed full of bullies, I was called ugly and every synonym known to man…and worse. When I was a child, my mom had said I was an ugly baby and that is why she did not have a lot of baby pictures of me (just because I was bald and she did not like bald babies). Then, the whole issue of being told by my husband (directly and indirectly) of my less-than-desirable looks did not make matters any better. A few years into my singlehood again, my dad told me “not to ever expect to find another man, because men want a beautiful woman on their arm and that’s not you.” Talk about being punched while I was already down! I had always struggled with how I looked and Satan knew that. He was taking every last opportunity to beat me down with that in a society that greatly values outward beauty, especially in women.

But you know what? God has the last word on these things, and he began to show me at that moment that outward beauty fades, but inward beauty far outshines that and lasts forever. An ugly woman can be gorgeous on the inside and a gorgeous woman can be ugly on the inside. When I started discussing this with my mom, who was actually one of my biggest helpers and advocates during this time (surprisingly), she said that it doesn’t matter what I look like, because it is more important who you are as a person on the inside and any man worthy of you will love you the way you look now. I know! Shocking, right? My divorce was the beginning of a much better, closer relationship with my mother.

So, although I had a lot of struggles initially with the “three beasts,” God began to do an amazing work in me and opened my eyes to which things were most important. He molded and shaped me through that experience so much over the past ten years that I am not even the same person I was then. Far from it, actually. God promised me in those early days that “joy would fill me and laughter would again come from my lips,” and it certainly has! In fact, I am a MUCH stronger, more solid, peaceful, independent and joyful person than I ever was in my life prior to my divorce.

Does this mean that the “three beasts” have totally left me alone and moved out? Not exactly. They still loom somewhere there in the background, but I hardly give them a second thought anymore. Instead of being on top of me squeezing the life out of me, they are the ones trapped in the cage on the other side of the room. I know there is always a possibility that they will again be loosed. They have tried to escape and “chase me down” since then, but I overcame them instead of them overcoming me.

Once in a while, I still feel sad at times over the way I look physically. I dress to accentuate my positives so that I can walk out of the house with confidence now instead of being ashamed of how I look. Although I still long very much to wake up one morning and look beautiful, I choose to dwell more on making myself more beautiful on the INSIDE. That is much more important anyway. Many people have told me that my inner beauty radiates outward, giving me a “beautiful” glow, and I am okay with that. J

Universal Language

My dear friend Emma was born in Nicaragua, but has lived here in the United States for many years. Her mother comes and visits from her native Nicaragua during the summer and I had the amazing pleasure of meeting her for the first time recently. She doesn’t speak or understand a lick of English, but I understand most of what she says (I studied Spanish for 8 years way back in the day and spent a summer in Mexico while in college). Because it has been several years since I was fluent in Spanish, and I have not had many opportunities to practice it in several years, my speaking is rusty but I can still (amazingly) understand about 85-90% of what is said to me in Spanish.

Emma’s mother is all of maybe 5’ tall, sweet as can be, and her name, when translated into English, is Snow White. Yes, really! (Blanca Nieve is her given name). She always smiles and her sweetness radiates around her wherever she goes. She is very quiet and reserved, but lights up the room with her love for others. She gave birth to seven children (my friend Emma jokes that she had seven “dwarves”), but she lost a daughter (only 42 years old) to cancer, who would have been my age now.  Blanca has not let that tragic event sour her, but only broaden her love for others.

Because of the very special friendship that Emma and I have, she “adopted” me as her sister. She really misses her only sister who passed (the rest of her siblings are brothers). We have been with each other for three years through good and bad and laughed together (a LOT) and cried together. It literally feels like we ARE sisters! Even her kids call me “aunt.” Because of this, when I met her mother for the first time, she took both her mother and me by the hand and said, “This is now your mama too. Mama, this is your daughter.” Although her mother had not met me in person until this point, she completely and without reservation welcomed me as part of the family. Now, every time I see her, she gives me a big bear hug and every time I leave her, she gives me another big bear hug, the kind that is unmistakably warm and genuine, as if she has known me for many years.

Although this quiet little lady doesn’t say much, she sure smiles a lot. I could speak English to her until the cows come home and even though she would not understand a word I say, she would look at me and smile as if she were hanging on every word. I try my best to speak to her in what I am sure sounds like broken Spanish, but you would think I just gave her a luxurious gift by the way she responds to my efforts.

This got me to thinking about what love really looks like. Although words are important in showing love, actions are far more important. Love in action can span generations and even overcome language and cultural barriers. It is a matter of the heart. Do we choose to have a big heart for others, even those who are different from us? Or are we so busy with our own rat race in life that we don’t even take the time to share a piece of our heart with others? It seems like today in our world, love is only given if it is convenient, easy and towards someone close to us or to those who are almost our clones (only if they are middle class, stay-at-home moms, homeschoolers, go to our church, work in the same job, etc. etc.) Nonsense!

Sometimes we don’t even bother because we believe the lie that if something is not done big and over- the-top or if it goes unnoticed that it is not important and therefore, not worth our time. I too used to think that. However, it is just an attitude of the heart, willing to really be there for someone (presence) or to lend them a hand, pick up something they dropped in passing, or a genuine smile that starts the domino effect going. Even if you don’t know a whole lot about someone and are not able to communicate with them fluently, it is possible to make them feel loved.

Look at Mother Theresa, for example. I am sure that some of the people she helped throughout her life did not speak her language. I am also sure that she did not know much if anything about many of the people she reached out to in love. However, she is well known for her service in love and kindness to others. How she went about this did not take a lots and lots of money. It was far from glamorous. In fact, I am sure she was downright miserable many times. But she didn’t complain or try to escape. She remained. Why? Because of the love and compassion that flowed from her heart to the misfortunate. Most of us are more than capable of doing the same thing. Maybe not quite to the same level Mother Theresa did, but we can still make a difference.

The language of love and compassion is multi-lingual.  No matter what language we speak or what culture we are from, we all understand a smile, a wave, a small friendly gesture and a hug. We may have different words for these things, but all of humanity can understand these things, receive these things and give these things. Not a single word has to be said and no translation is necessary. We all know what it is to feel hurt and we all need love and compassion.

Even Snow White.