Silver Linings

Seeing the good in things, the “silver lining” so to speak, does not come naturally. It seems like I have had to constantly train my children from the time they were little to see the good in things. I say things like, “Instead of saying in a demanding tone, ‘Why did you pick us up so late?!’ how about saying instead, “Thank you for picking us up. I know you had to work late today.” Or, “Instead of complaining about how we never seem to have enough money, look at what we do have and be thankful, because many more people in the world are much worse off than we are.” How about the clincher… “Why is there NEVER anything to eat?” (After I just brought home $100 worth of groceries) which prompts me to say “How about, thank you for getting the groceries, coming up with a menu plan and having food on the table every morning and night and school lunches ready every day.”

It never ceases to amaze me how so many people complain about what they DON’T have instead of being thankful for what they DO have! Don’t get me wrong, that was a cycle I had to break myself years ago. I too never seemed to have “enough” things (though I had an overabundance). I too was sick and tired of always having the “garbage” of life dumped on me when everyone else seemed to have it so much better. I was also guilty of looking past my blessings and instead focusing on what I did not have or what went wrong instead of what went right. So what changed?

First, (twenty years ago) the good Lord moved us to the middle of nowhere in Alaska for three years. The biggest thing I learned while I lived there was that I did not need things to be happy and that I already had all I needed. I learned to put more focus on people instead of things. Instead of getting upset or embarrassed, I learned that it was not the end of the world if three other women showed up at a dinner party in the same formal dress I wore. It actually became a joke after a while. God broke my chains of materialism way back then, which prepared me well for the life of a single mom, which I became seven years after we moved away from Alaska.

Next, I have learned to depend on God for every single need through the years I have spent as a single mom. I had to work hard and pray for every single thing I acquired (needs and wants). Because I only had a budget for my basic needs and just a little extra at times, I have learned to make do with what I already have, and I believe my children will be better off someday because of this. Even though I have fewer things than I have ever had throughout the course of my life, I have NEVER been happier. God has shown me what is truly important and to be thankful for everything I have, because all of it is a gift from him.

Third, I have been through some very deep, dark valleys throughout my life, including surviving abuse, having an unfaithful spouse, suicide attempts, depression, bullying, major health problems, losing a job (twice), chronic pain, divorce, almost losing my house and rejection. These have all been “blessings in disguise.” I say that because without these things, I never would have learned to appreciate each and every moment as I do today. I look at things with joy that most people walk right on by and ignore. I can’t help but smile because I appreciate every little bit of God’s creation. Because I have been “to hell and back” with all of my very dark, lonely moments, I find the little things such as a tiny flower a big deal that most people would never notice. I smile at the tree that I often drive by that is heart-shaped. When a blue-tailed skink makes its way in my house, I am amazed at the beauty of the bright blue tail it beholds.

Philippians 4:8 says, “…whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.” It took a few years and several difficult circumstances, but God changed me into a person that could see a silver lining in almost any difficult situation.

I was brought up in a very negative home environment and it came naturally to me to see the glass as “half-empty” instead of “half-full.” Thankfully, nothing is too hard for God and he did a 180 in my life by changing me to the point of where I can look at a difficult situation in my life and the first thing I try to do now is see the positive, no matter how small, in that situation.

For example, for the past 3+ years I have been in a 30-hour-a-week job. It has been difficult financially and very frustrating because for most of these 3+ years, I have been searching high and low for another job to supplement my income. There have been several times where I was so discouraged that I began to despise the fact I was in this part-time job that would lead nowhere with no chance for a better income. However, just as quickly I have seen all of the blessings this job has given me...I have some amazing co-workers who give each person their own birthday party to make them feel special. I have a boss who was very understanding and patient as I went through the hardest year of my life soon after starting this job and I know without a doubt he prayed for me. We are able to joke with each other and have a good time in this somewhat laid-back environment. No, it does not pay well and the benefits are not great, but I am blessed that I have a job to go to every day that I look forward to.

Because of all I have been through, every single day I thank God for the silver linings that he has given me even in the difficulties and those that he has given me the ability to see. I intend to see a lot more of those, even in the stormy days ahead…and that makes me smile with gratitude. J

Your Story Isn’t Finished.

When many of us reach our 40s, we often look back on our lives and what we have accomplished up to this point. Where am I at in my career, how many lives have I touched (influenced), do I have the family I dreamed of as a child, have I seen and done as much as I had hoped by this age, do I have a nest egg set aside for retirement, am I as far along in my life spiritually, emotionally and physically as I should be…? Some people could answer that they are pleased with where they are at in their lives at this point. Others of us, however, are left disappointed and not anywhere near where we expected to be.

When I was a little girl I imagined that by age 40, I would still be happily married, have children who thought the world of me and live in a big white picket-fenced home with a couple of dogs. I was going to be a scientist and travel all over the world (I love to travel) and see exotic places I had only read about. I was going to win people to Christ and possibly even write a book and change the world. I was going to take the world on by storm! (I am a first-born, can you tell?)

However, I find myself at age 45, divorced, raising two (wonderful but difficult) boys alone who are at the age where the “You-know-nothing” and, “I-can’t-wait-to-get-out-of-this-house-and-live-on- my-own” attitude takes over. I am in a dead-end job (though I love what I do) and had to take a BIG pay cut (and cut in hours) when my previous employer retired and closed his practice.

In college, I could not pass chemistry though I got very high grades in biology, anatomy and physiology, so there went my chances for the medical technology program and my dreams of being a scientist in a lab. Like many others, we are struggling financially and have to trust the Lord to provide for all of our needs. I have a very small savings and no chance for retirement. Ever. I worked my way up through the first three jobs I had after becoming a single parent and got a pretty decent paying job after all of that hard work and determination, only to have to go backwards several steps. Talk about a collision of reality and dreams!

I did, however, write that book but here it is one year later, and it still has not taken off. Don’t get me wrong, I am VERY thankful that God even gave me the opportunity to share my testimony through my book and that he worked out all of the details for me to (self) publish it. It has reached a few hundred people at most but my dream of writing a book still did come to pass.

To be honest, I have always been a big dreamer. I had big plans for my life. I am a very passionate person and work 200% at everything I do. None of this half-way stuff with me. Nope, I do it all big and I do it right. I always heard that if you work hard enough, have a strong work ethic and do what you are passionate about, then you will succeed. It is clear that someone like me would not be happy with selling a few hundred copies of a book that took 2.5 years to write and sat on my shelf for another 2.5 years unpublished. The countless hours praying for anointing over the book seemed to fall on deaf ears.

I was so discouraged at one point while writing the manuscript that I literally threw it in the trash can. Two days later, I was walking down the hall at church and ran into someone I did not even know very well or even talk to that much and he told me specifically to keep on writing the book I was working on and not to give up because this is what he strongly felt that God was leading me to do and I was on the right path. I then decided that I needed to continue going on forward with it even though I wanted to give up at that point.

Looking back, I am thankful that I listened to that advice and got that book published. Did it change the world? No. However, if it encouraged 100 people and changed one life for Christ, then there was some purpose in it and it was still the right thing to do. I realize now that I probably needed to downscale my huge ideas and aspirations a bit to something more realistic. Sometimes we get carried away in what we think our lives ought to look like. Some of us even feel like we have to fill the shoes of Wonder Woman or Superman in order to make our mark in the world when in fact, God uses us to make our mark in the world in all kinds of ways, big and small.

Over the past ten years of my “career” as a single mom, I have learned quite a bit and come to realize that everywhere God has placed me (my neighborhood, my church, my family & the different jobs I have had), is right where he wants to use me to make an impact. Even if it is as simple as encouraging someone at work who is at the end of their rope or just being a listening ear to someone who needs it or maybe just merely noticing someone’s existence who feels invisible is changing a part of the world. Most importantly, just being there for your children and showing them they mean the world to you and encouraging them has a huge impact on them, which in turn can impact their future as well as many other people with whom they come into contact.

Some of us are so occupied with wanting to make such a huge mark in this world that we forget the small world around us that needs our impact just as much. Great impact starts with one person, then another and then before you know it, the impact of one single person has rippled out and affected many people.

I wasted too many years being disappointed that I have not been able to do more, help more, be more and experience more. I hope that you too learn that where you are in life is exactly where you are meant to be at this point in your life. Nothing more, nothing less. With hard work, determination, prayer and the right attitude, you have the potential to go far. But your idea and God’s idea of what is “big” may be two very different things. He can see so much more than we can see. Our minds are so small in comparison to his. All we can see is the here and now and what we have gone through in the past, but God sees all of that PLUS the future and he is not done with us yet. Life is not over yet. There is still hope and things can change overnight. So, don’t give up.

God gave me a promise earlier this year in Philippians 1:6 which says, “God began doing a good work in you, and I am sure he will continue it until it is finished when Jesus Christ comes again.” What an encouragement to my soul when I really needed it! Just when I thought I had taken so many steps backwards and longed for something more to come out of my life, I began to see with a fresh new set of “eyes” that the story of my life is not yet complete. Even if my life is not what I thought or hoped it would be by now, it will be the story that God wanted it to be when I reach the end of my days. One day, we will be able to say that our lives turned out beautiful, even with all the junk we had to go through.

And that, my friend, is something to be excited about! J

Singlehood (Superhero), Part 2

I have been on this “journey of singleness again” for ten years. It has definitely had its ups and downs and has been very challenging, to say the least. This marital status is not for wimps, I tell you!! If any of you who are reading this know someone facing this journey of singleness, whether due to never having found a spouse yet or due to being divorced or widowed, please encourage and pray for them! I promise you that they are facing challenges you could not possibly understand unless you’re walking in their shoes. Even though there are many benefits to being single, there are also hardships.

Backing up to ten years ago, I found myself in a new city, new state and all alone (without a spouse) for the first time in 12 years. It took about a year-and-a-half to feel like a “whole” person again and for the first time in several years, I was beginning to discover what made me, me and what I really enjoyed doing. I also had to do everything differently and re-define our home and schedule to accommodate our “new situation.”

Of course, I was never busier having two small boys to raise completely alone (remember my family was now 12 hours away & we had moved 9 hours away from our previous home and friends). Every day, it felt l had 40 hours of work to do in any 24-hour period and it was very demanding and overwhelming at times! There was never enough energy, time or money to stay on top of things as I always had before. I had to re-organize and re-structure things so that “everything would fit” into our new lives. Although it was tough, it was very rewarding and even fun at times. I would never trade anything for my boys!

This was just my “new normal” and I was going to make it work! I always had that attitude throughout my adult-hood, when we moved every three years or so for my husband’s job. Situations were temporary and I was, one way or the other, going to make it work and make the best out of every situation, seeing it as a challenge. I have lived everywhere from the most frigid, desolate places to the hottest and busiest (and even dangerous) cities and everywhere in-between. No Walmart closer than six hours away? No problem! Sharing the yard with moose and other strange creatures with almost no city entertainment or shopping? It’s all good…just temporary! Waiting for tires to unfreeze so they are round again? Just give it a few minutes.

Through all of our moves, especially to the less-than-desirable locations, I learned how to make the best out of it and God prepared me well for single parenthood before it even happened. He changed me into someone who was much less dependent on material things to be happy and taught me that “less is best.” He taught me that it was not the end of the world if three women (including me) showed up at the company party in the same dress (from lack of stores). He taught me that, when weather and living conditions were difficult and very different from what I was used to, I could find ways to make things work (resourcefulness). He also taught me to laugh at more things, including myself, and that the house did not have to be immaculate to the point that company could eat off the floor! Despite all of these things, life would still go on and it would be fine in the end!

All of that being said, my Superhero status of Wimpywoman began to look more and more like Superwoman!

Fast forward a few years to “single again,” going on four years. I was in my late 30s and finally at that point where I wanted to meet someone again. I was really beginning to struggle with loneliness and the boys were getting to be that age where they were really struggling with not having a good father figure in their life on a regular basis. They were hurting and I was hurting. I spent a few years trying all the normal ways of trying to find a man, even internet dating sites. The guys I did find and start conversations with on-line were so scary after the first few conversations, I ran away with my tail between my legs! Wow…were these my only choices? How disappointing! Apparently, all of the great guys my age with whom I was compatible were already in relationships or married and I felt like I was having to fish in the “Dead Sea.” Although I was seriously disappointed and lost hope, I started praying very seriously and fervently that God would send us a good, godly man that would love and accept us just the way we were. I felt like I had a lot of knocks against me, but with God, even this was possible!

In the midst of all of this, God had a fun, quirky sense of humor about this. I had prayed that a guy would ask me out to dinner on my birthday that year, which was a very hard year. The night before my birthday, a guy friend of mine called and said he wanted to come watch my boys’ basketball game to support them and wanted to take us out to dinner afterwards (which was ON my birthday). Before you get too excited, this guy was quite a few years younger than me (way out of my age bracket) and he was starting to date someone. There was 0 interest on either side here. I gasped when he asked me that because I realized God DID hear and answer that prayer, though in a roundabout way. Maybe I should have been even more specific?!

Everyone kept telling me, “You are so young! You will find someone.” “Don’t give up. You have a lot of years to live yet.” The biggest killer was, “You are such a beautiful person. Any guy would be lucky to have you! He just hasn’t come across your path yet.” UGH! I prayed hard for seven long years to no avail. Nothing. Nada. After seven years, I got angry and frustrated at God! I did the whole, “God, I did the right things here! I stayed 100% faithful to my husband when we were married and even while separated. I didn’t rush out and look for opportunities to do something I would later regret. I have had to work hard at being disciplined to keep myself pure (which was very difficult!) and have to watch my boys go through so much difficulty in battling with the fact that they don’t have a daddy figure in their lives. While my ex is already re-married though he ‘broke all the rules’ and l lived right in spite of the difficulty, I am still alone. The smugness that resonates off of him when he sees me, still alone and unwanted is deafening! Will you please let me know what I DID WRONG??!!” It was not pretty.

Boy, I really struggled with that for a few years, but then I took a different approach. Thankfully, God was very understanding and patient. Although I was initially angry at God for not answering that prayer (and I fully expected him to), my prayers for those seven years went from “God, please bring us a man who will complete this family. We are struggling with loneliness and other difficulties here. We are barely making it from one paycheck to the next. I am heart-broken to see my kids this way when they need this and I am terrified of growing old alone!” (Just keeping it real here, folks)….

…to, “God, if this is not what you have for me (which was becoming more and more obvious), then take away my (our) desire to have a man in our lives.” I had to push away all of the, “Don’t give up, there is somebody out there” comments I constantly heard and start ignoring them. I really wished I had prayed this way from the beginning, however. It took about six months or so, but finally the Lord removed even the slightest desire to have a man in my life. I realized that we are still a great family, even without a husband/father and that we can still fulfill a purpose on earth!

Almost three years ago, I completely gave up the search for a man, and so did the boys. They got to the point where they said, “It’s okay. We are used to this (not having a dad around). We will be okay. It’s kind of late now any way and this experience will make us better dads and husbands someday to our families.”  I am so proud of them, and even myself, for overcoming all of that. Is it easy? No. Do I still fear growing old alone sometimes? Yes. But is it doable and can I still enjoy life to the fullest? Yes.

Superwoman can live with that. J

Singlehood, Part 1

I have been “single again” for almost ten years. The end of my marriage was a devastating blow to the “white picket fence” and “somebody to grow old with” dream I always had, and I took it hard at first. Don’t get me wrong; I was equally relieved because there were some very wrong things going on and a lot of stress left the house with him.

At first, Satan hit me right where he knew I struggled the most…the top three beasts I call rejection, failure and my outward appearance. I was in a new city, had no job, no friends yet, no savings and did not even really know my way around yet…and he left. His job had just moved us 13 hours away from my family and 9 hours away from our last home and I was lonely…and literally ALONE. Sure, I had the two boys, who were only 5 & 7 at the time and they kept me busy, but now what? All I could do was look up and say, “Well, Lord, it’s just you and me (& the boys) now.” 

REJECTION. I was almost 35 years old at that point and had faced nothing but rejection my whole life, being born into a family where my parents really didn’t want me (or love me) to begin with. Then I was bullied something fierce all the way through school to the point I tried committing suicide twice. Now, after 12 years of marriage (the last 7 of which were extremely difficult), I once again found myself being rejected. My husband had told my boys just before he left that, “your mother is too fat, ugly and old for me. I deserve better.” He was always trying to pick up other (much younger and more beautiful) girls the last few years of marriage, even when we went out as a family.

FAILURE. Although I never once blamed God for the failure of my marriage, I did ask why. I felt I had seriously failed myself, failed my children, failed my family (I was the first one divorced in my family at that point and I was embarrassed) and failed God. Everything I had ever tried so hard to accomplish throughout my life up to that point had failed. Satan knew I had struggled with this my whole life and he took advantage of the perfect opportunity for it to be magnified. I asked God questions like, “Why didn’t my husband even love me or want me? Why did I choose a husband so unwisely?” And, “Why was I being punished when I did ‘all the right things’?” (Not saying I was perfect by any means though.)

The beauty of that situation and hitting such a low point was that I realized at that moment that God was ALL I truly had! No family around, no familiar faces, no savings or job (I had been a stay-at-home mom) and nobody to cry on, hold me or tell me things would be okay. The feelings of rejection in those early days held me down in a dark cell and squeezed the life out of me. First my parents, then kids all through school and now my husband. What was so wrong with me!!??

However, in hindsight, that was in and of itself a blessing in disguise! I always had someone to take care of me and never had to think about, much less worry about, where my needs were going to come from. I went from living at home to living on a college campus followed by getting married. I never had to fully depend on God to provide my every single need until that moment. For the first time ever, I had to put ALL my eggs in this one basket and 100% fully rely on God for every single thing. God’s goodness, trustworthiness, faithfulness and provision shined through more than it ever had in my life. He wouldn’t reject me, but He would be there with me through all of this. Although I lost a lot, I also gained a lot and I would not trade anything for all I gained in those early days.

OUTWARD APPEARANCE. Having grown up in a school which seemed full of bullies, I was called ugly and every synonym known to man…and worse. When I was a child, my mom had said I was an ugly baby and that is why she did not have a lot of baby pictures of me (just because I was bald and she did not like bald babies). Then, the whole issue of being told by my husband (directly and indirectly) of my less-than-desirable looks did not make matters any better. A few years into my singlehood again, my dad told me “not to ever expect to find another man, because men want a beautiful woman on their arm and that’s not you.” Talk about being punched while I was already down! I had always struggled with how I looked and Satan knew that. He was taking every last opportunity to beat me down with that in a society that greatly values outward beauty, especially in women.

But you know what? God has the last word on these things, and he began to show me at that moment that outward beauty fades, but inward beauty far outshines that and lasts forever. An ugly woman can be gorgeous on the inside and a gorgeous woman can be ugly on the inside. When I started discussing this with my mom, who was actually one of my biggest helpers and advocates during this time (surprisingly), she said that it doesn’t matter what I look like, because it is more important who you are as a person on the inside and any man worthy of you will love you the way you look now. I know! Shocking, right? My divorce was the beginning of a much better, closer relationship with my mother.

So, although I had a lot of struggles initially with the “three beasts,” God began to do an amazing work in me and opened my eyes to which things were most important. He molded and shaped me through that experience so much over the past ten years that I am not even the same person I was then. Far from it, actually. God promised me in those early days that “joy would fill me and laughter would again come from my lips,” and it certainly has! In fact, I am a MUCH stronger, more solid, peaceful, independent and joyful person than I ever was in my life prior to my divorce.

Does this mean that the “three beasts” have totally left me alone and moved out? Not exactly. They still loom somewhere there in the background, but I hardly give them a second thought anymore. Instead of being on top of me squeezing the life out of me, they are the ones trapped in the cage on the other side of the room. I know there is always a possibility that they will again be loosed. They have tried to escape and “chase me down” since then, but I overcame them instead of them overcoming me.

Once in a while, I still feel sad at times over the way I look physically. I dress to accentuate my positives so that I can walk out of the house with confidence now instead of being ashamed of how I look. Although I still long very much to wake up one morning and look beautiful, I choose to dwell more on making myself more beautiful on the INSIDE. That is much more important anyway. Many people have told me that my inner beauty radiates outward, giving me a “beautiful” glow, and I am okay with that. J

Universal Language

My dear friend Emma was born in Nicaragua, but has lived here in the United States for many years. Her mother comes and visits from her native Nicaragua during the summer and I had the amazing pleasure of meeting her for the first time recently. She doesn’t speak or understand a lick of English, but I understand most of what she says (I studied Spanish for 8 years way back in the day and spent a summer in Mexico while in college). Because it has been several years since I was fluent in Spanish, and I have not had many opportunities to practice it in several years, my speaking is rusty but I can still (amazingly) understand about 85-90% of what is said to me in Spanish.

Emma’s mother is all of maybe 5’ tall, sweet as can be, and her name, when translated into English, is Snow White. Yes, really! (Blanca Nieve is her given name). She always smiles and her sweetness radiates around her wherever she goes. She is very quiet and reserved, but lights up the room with her love for others. She gave birth to seven children (my friend Emma jokes that she had seven “dwarves”), but she lost a daughter (only 42 years old) to cancer, who would have been my age now.  Blanca has not let that tragic event sour her, but only broaden her love for others.

Because of the very special friendship that Emma and I have, she “adopted” me as her sister. She really misses her only sister who passed (the rest of her siblings are brothers). We have been with each other for three years through good and bad and laughed together (a LOT) and cried together. It literally feels like we ARE sisters! Even her kids call me “aunt.” Because of this, when I met her mother for the first time, she took both her mother and me by the hand and said, “This is now your mama too. Mama, this is your daughter.” Although her mother had not met me in person until this point, she completely and without reservation welcomed me as part of the family. Now, every time I see her, she gives me a big bear hug and every time I leave her, she gives me another big bear hug, the kind that is unmistakably warm and genuine, as if she has known me for many years.

Although this quiet little lady doesn’t say much, she sure smiles a lot. I could speak English to her until the cows come home and even though she would not understand a word I say, she would look at me and smile as if she were hanging on every word. I try my best to speak to her in what I am sure sounds like broken Spanish, but you would think I just gave her a luxurious gift by the way she responds to my efforts.

This got me to thinking about what love really looks like. Although words are important in showing love, actions are far more important. Love in action can span generations and even overcome language and cultural barriers. It is a matter of the heart. Do we choose to have a big heart for others, even those who are different from us? Or are we so busy with our own rat race in life that we don’t even take the time to share a piece of our heart with others? It seems like today in our world, love is only given if it is convenient, easy and towards someone close to us or to those who are almost our clones (only if they are middle class, stay-at-home moms, homeschoolers, go to our church, work in the same job, etc. etc.) Nonsense!

Sometimes we don’t even bother because we believe the lie that if something is not done big and over- the-top or if it goes unnoticed that it is not important and therefore, not worth our time. I too used to think that. However, it is just an attitude of the heart, willing to really be there for someone (presence) or to lend them a hand, pick up something they dropped in passing, or a genuine smile that starts the domino effect going. Even if you don’t know a whole lot about someone and are not able to communicate with them fluently, it is possible to make them feel loved.

Look at Mother Theresa, for example. I am sure that some of the people she helped throughout her life did not speak her language. I am also sure that she did not know much if anything about many of the people she reached out to in love. However, she is well known for her service in love and kindness to others. How she went about this did not take a lots and lots of money. It was far from glamorous. In fact, I am sure she was downright miserable many times. But she didn’t complain or try to escape. She remained. Why? Because of the love and compassion that flowed from her heart to the misfortunate. Most of us are more than capable of doing the same thing. Maybe not quite to the same level Mother Theresa did, but we can still make a difference.

The language of love and compassion is multi-lingual.  No matter what language we speak or what culture we are from, we all understand a smile, a wave, a small friendly gesture and a hug. We may have different words for these things, but all of humanity can understand these things, receive these things and give these things. Not a single word has to be said and no translation is necessary. We all know what it is to feel hurt and we all need love and compassion.

Even Snow White.

When Love Doesn't Make Sense

I Corinthians 13:13 says, “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” Many of us have read this verse many times and even know it by heart. However, do we realize just how strong of a statement this really is? Love is greater than faith or hope, and mentioned in the Bible (NIV) a whopping 686 times!

The word “faith” appears in the Bible (NIV) an impressive 458 times. Two of the verses that emphasize the importance of faith are Hebrews 11:6, which says that “And without faith it is impossible to please God” and Ephesians 2:8, which says, “…For by grace you have been saved through faith…” So, without having faith, we cannot please God and we have been saved by our faith (through grace).

The word “hope” appears in the Bible (NIV) 174 times. My favorite verse about hope is Proverbs 13:12 because I can really identify with it. “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” How many of you, like me, have really looked forward to something important only to have it taken away at the last minute? Do you remember how it felt when your heart sank? I do! In those times when the hope is sucked out of you, it feels as if you have almost lost the will to keep trying anymore. Thankfully, however, we also know the feeling of looking forward to something and having it come to pass, which fills us with “life.”

Despite the undeniable importance of faith and hope, love still trumps in importance. But how do we put this love into practice? It’s in high demand all over the world…everybody wants it and needs it, some will do absolutely anything to get it and some can’t get enough of it. Others are literally “love-starved” and will never believe they are loved as they been told by someone important, “You are unlovable” or “You don’t matter.” Those words and feelings never leave the heart or mind no matter how long ago they were said.

Is it enough to merely tell someone, “I love you?” Is that what Jesus meant when he said to love others? Or does it go deeper than that? I believe it’s important in word AND in the way you treat someone, even when they are undeserving of love at that moment. It is a commitment, a discipline and a “no matter what” attitude. It is hard business to love people sometimes, and I can understand why some people love their animals more than other people at times, but that certainly does NOT disqualify us from having to love others.

We too do not deserve God’s love, but He loved us so much He sent his only son to die for us so that we could have a relationship with Him and spend eternity in heaven with Him someday. The amazing thing is that God knows every single detail about us, everything from the bad, ugly thoughts we have had to the unlovely things we have done and said to others, and knows our every weakness and battle, yet loves us still. He doesn’t say, “When you clean up your act and are lovable, I will love you.” If He did that, I know I would be in trouble and I think everybody else would be too!

People see right through you much better than you think they can. When you tell someone “I love you,” do you back it up or negate those words by the way you treat them? If that person were stranded at 3:00 in the morning, would you put action to your words, “I love you?” Love is easily sensed and words alone are shallow without the true, deep meaningful acts to back up those words. So it is really not enough to hug someone and say that you love them without your heart being in it. Talk is cheap; action is priceless. God can also see through meaningless words; He is not fooled, even if you do fool others.

The importance of loving when I least felt like it hit me like a ton of bricks a few years ago when my youngest son and I were going through a very, very tough spot in our relationship. You know, where it feels like aliens came and took your precious, beloved angel of a child and replaced him or her with a demon child and you are at your wits end! I had reached the straw that broke the camel’s back and pleaded with God for some answers on what to do. I was seriously ready to put this boy on the curb or hang him up by his toenails. You who have children know what I mean because we have all been there at least once! Anyway, as I was praying about how I should “discipline” (or better yet, punish) this out-of-control child that aliens left behind (who was normally my easier child), I was already thinking of a laundry list of possibilities….just to give God a few “ideas” (as if he needed any!)

As he has done many, many times before, God blew my socks off with his response. He said very clearly, “just love him.” That was the last thing I felt like doing at this particular moment!! After gasping for air (literally), I thought in my mind, “before or after hanging him up by his toenails?”

Wow. That was the last thing I expected God to say. I thought he would have the perfect disciplinary tool that would magically make this child behave like the sweet angel he normally was. Then I would thank God for the amazing insight after I tried it because everything would be back to business as usual again.

This experience made me realize that even though we truly love someone, we must actively do so in the midst of their worst. For example, when that particular friend is going through another crisis (the 7^th one this year), we must still love her as if she were still the apple of our eye. As hard as it is sometimes, we must be there in the name of love to anyone who needs it, no matter how often they need it, and not only to those who deserve it.

As hard as it was, I walked into my son’s bedroom when I got my bearings, gave him a hug and told him I still loved him. It didn’t change anything immediately, but I continued to go out of my way to show him I still loved him, in spite of him at that moment.

God does the same for us. How can we do any less for anyone else who needs it? Imagine the change in this world if every person knew without a doubt that they were loved!

Angel Vision

I often pray Psalm 91 over my boys and even myself at times. This is a very encouraging Psalm of protection. This is not for just anybody, however, but offered to those who love the Lord, ending out the Psalm with “BECAUSE he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him…” (Vs 14-15)

In the early summer of 2004, I was nearing the end of a bad marriage, in which my husband had started becoming physically abusive with me. We were just a few months from moving out of state and I was waiting for the move to make a fresh start, hoping we could work things out after the move, but unfortunately the change of scenery did not help. Anyhow, right before we moved, I had often prayed that God would surround our home with angels and protect me from my husband until the time was right to either go our separate ways or get things worked out. At that point, I was becoming afraid of him. Just the way he would look at me with hate in his eyes at times sent chills up my spine. I was holding on to a shred of hope and was very determined that our marriage was going to work out because we had two small children to think about.

One evening when I went into my oldest son’s bedroom (who was 7 at the time) to say our nighttime prayers, he started talking about the angel he had seen the night before in our driveway after I left the room. He said it was glowing brightly and just standing in the driveway. At first, I kind of shrugged it off saying “are you sure you didn’t just have a dream about an angel or maybe you saw something else?” However, he was very, very insistent that he had seen an angel the night before looking at the house and would not deviate the least bit from this story. I just thought he was too young to understand something like that besides the fact he did have a very creative imagination too.

However, the more I thought about it, I began to remember back to my continuous prayers of the previous few months of asking God to send his angels to protect me and our house and then I got chills (the good kind). I had never even told him I had prayed that specifically and then thought, maybe he did see an angel, the one I had prayed for. Sometimes we write young kids off when they say something out of the ordinary, but I have always seen evidence of and believed that my son (who is now 18) had a special “sixth sense.” Whether in fact what he saw was a real angel or not, I do know that God answers prayers. He very easily could have answered that specific prayer of mine and allowed my little boy to see a glimpse of it so he could tell me himself what he saw, confirming in my mind that God was in fact going to keep me safe from my husband.

Fourteen years later, I still remember that as if it were yesterday whenever I read Psalm 91. God has definitely had his hand of protection over me and my boys in some sticky situations that could have turned out very badly had God not intervened. Although I am living in one of the most dangerous cities in America, I have felt God’s strong, protective hand over me in a special way, almost like there is a shield around me. More than once, I have driven up to a place (one time it was where I was working at then) only to see the police wrapping yellow tape around the surrounding area and cop cars everywhere. Had I only been there a few minutes earlier…who knows?

Three other separate times while working at that same place (a hospital in the hood), I had men come up to me wanting money or to “walk me to my car” (in a very small parking lot) and as I said no thank you and picked up my pace, they finally walked away. One other time, there was a group of guys sitting on the hood of a car hollering out to me to come over there and I just ignored them as I speed walked to my car. I saw one of them get up like he was going to come over to me and just then, the security patrol stopped him and told them to leave me alone.

I am not a scared person by nature and maybe actually too brave for my britches sometimes, but God has also given me a strong sense something is not right (discernment) that has definitely protected me before things could turn bad.

So, although I do believe we have to be smart and use the brains God gave us to avoid potentially dangerous situations (because stupid choices do have bad consequences), I also believe that God protects us in ways we may never see. When we are committed to him, there is nothing he will not protect us from that would otherwise destroy us.

My favorite part of Psalm 91 is where it says, “He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.” (Vs 4) Whenever I think of a possible dangerous situation or if something is coming up in my life that I am worried about, I picture this verse in my mind.  I am a very visual person, so when I read this verse, I see myself warm and protected as I lay comfortably under his faithful wings, hidden from all that could harm me. This gives me enough comfort and peace to have the courage I need to face whatever is coming.

I encourage you to start praying Psalm 91 over yourself, your spouse and/or your children regularly. If you do not have a Bible, go online, pull up Psalm 91 and copy it down to keep as a reference. Never underestimate the power of praying God’s Word! J

Broken Warrior

 

Most of you have heard, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” I am a living testament to that! You name it, I have probably been through it. But, isn’t it interesting that the Lord does not take us around these really bad, difficult times; instead, he walks us THROUGH it.

I know that many times I have prayed for God to take some difficulty away from me so I would not have to face the uncertain darkness alone. Some roads I have been asked to travel down have been downright scary! However, I have always come through to the other side, still alive. I have broken some along the way and come out different than I went in, but here I am to prove it too did not take me down forever. God remained the same through each and every one of those horrible, dark places I have had to travel through, but I came out changed. I may have come out kicking and screaming on the other side and had a few crying fests or times where I felt like I wanted to give up in the midst of it, but something always kept me going one more step until I walked out…once again.

The one striking difference I have noticed between who I was, let’s say 15 years ago, and who I am now is that I am much stronger and tougher now. The smaller things don’t phase me the way they used to and I get over things much more quickly than I did before. I don’t get upset or hurt about the little things anymore. I can overlook a lot of things now that I could not before. I had a huge heart for people (and animals) and so I took it hard whenever I was criticized, hurt, mistreated or ignored by people when I treated everyone like I would a friend (as I wanted to be treated). I used to be a very sensitive person and it took a little time to get over things, but thankfully God has changed that to where I can now get right back up almost immediately, fix my armor, get back up on the horse and ride off victoriously and valiantly.

For those of you who have either read my book or followed my blogs for some time know that in 2013, I had the hardest year of my life hands down. Even the childhood abuse I grew up in, the bad marriage I was in to an addict who became abusive late in our marriage, great financial struggles, periods of unemployment, the challenges of being a single parent (especially of teenagers) and everything in between combined still did not overshadow all I went through in 2013. That was the beast of all trials. If anything would have destroyed me, that year alone would have done me in for good!

However, God slowly prepared me over time by “toughening me up” by giving me the ability to let go of people who did not want the best for me and who did not love me just the way I am. I had always wanted everyone to love me, having come from a loveless childhood home and then through a loveless marriage, and did all I could to gain acceptance from everyone. I thought if I loved everyone enough, they would love me too, right? How wrong that was!

It took a long time to “get it,” but finally I had that light bulb moment that said “Let go of the need to be loved by the majority. All you need is God’s love and the love of a few close, faithful friends. People who will accept you the way you are. Don’t worry about the rest loving you,” and I learned through the course of several years that if I was to rise up strong and not be destroyed by this, this had to change. I also let go of any and all expectations I had of people. “Expect nothing from anybody” has been my new motto, and it has set me free to love more and be hurt less!

I cannot put my finger on it exactly, but all I know is that earlier this year I woke up a strong warrior. The more I thought about it, the more this transition made Biblical sense. For example, it says in the Bible 365 times not to fear. II Timothy 1:7 says, “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (fear), but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.” Scripture also says that he is the strength in our weakness. We are promised that “those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” (Isaiah 40:31). Isaiah 43:2b says that “when you walk through the fire (turmoil, trials), you will not be burned…”

To me, this sounds like warrior material. Although I am pretty much a fearless person, I was letting relationships and feeling for others hold me back from being a strong warrior in tip-top shape. It is very clear to me throughout scripture that God does not want us going around like defeated weaklings with our heads down, but like strong warriors with our heads up, ready to fight the battles before us!! He will give us the strength we need, the materials to fight with and the armor to wear for the battles we face (Ephesians 6:10-17). Phrases like “stand firm,” “be strong,” “take up,” and “extinguish all the flaming arrows” sounds like a battle plan for somebody getting ready to go out and fight. Life for some of us is a series of battles, one after the other, but thankfully God does not leave us to helplessly fight these battles ourselves without any protective armor. He strengthens us with what we have learned through the previous battle(s) we have faced. We just need to trust him to bring us through once again.

A warrior is defined as “A brave or experienced soldier or fighter.” As times get harder in these last days, the Lord is preparing us to fight the battles that are sure to come our way. The more out-of-control things get around us and the more that “wrong becomes right” and “right becomes wrong,” and the more our Biblical views conflict with the world’s views, the more difficult things will become.

God is going to need his army of believers to rise up and stand up for what is right and pursue him, even if it means losing everything we have. Through our life circumstances, he has been preparing us little by little for harder battles to come. He has patiently molded us in our brokenness to become strong warriors…Broken warriors.

A Father's Love

Even though my father lived with us, he was absent emotionally and physically. He was a workaholic and very critical of me when he was around. Sometimes I wonder which is worse, having a father in the home who feels nothing for you and sees you only as a workhand, or a physically absent father. When I was a struggling teenager, I still remember coming across Psalm 27:10 because it literally jumped off the page at me and was exactly what I needed to hear at that moment. It reads, “Though my mother and father forsake me, the Lord will receive me.” It spoke volumes to me, because I struggled with feelings of rejection, worthlessness and feeling unlovable. I know that children who grow up without a father also have the same feelings, but there is great beauty when they realize they have a heavenly father who loves them, will not forsake them and who is “the father to the fatherless.”

To those who have had either experience with your father, I pray that you have forgiven them and then realized that you have a heavenly father who truly loves you and will take care of you better than any earthly father could! To those of you who grew up with a good or a great day, you have been truly blessed and I pray you have not taken them for granted!

Sometimes it still hurts a little seeing other people who have a close, loving relationship with their dads although I was happy for them, of course. I just felt like I really missed out on something. For different reasons, my boys feel that they have also missed out on something, as they do not have their father (or grandfather) actively in their life on a regular basis (by their choice). My heart hurts for them and I know that they too know the pain when seeing other kids whose dads still live at home and are very involved with their kids. I long for them to know how very much they are loved, even if they do not feel it because of this lack of close, caring relationship that they have always desired with their father too. I have learned through my years of being a single mom that a mother cannot take the place of a father figure. God created mothers and fathers for very different role, and both are equally important in the life of a child.

Watching what my boys have faced through their teenage years without their dad, however, I am now very touched when I see friends of mine being a wonderful father to their children. I often wonder if those fathers (my friends) know what an amazing impact they are making on their children’s lives! Their children will not have to feel the pain of having an absent or unkind dad. They will not have to struggle with feelings of rejection, hurt or feelings of being unlovable. They will also not have to doubt God’s love for them as their heavenly Father. For this, I am thankful and very happy for their children. If you are a parent, never underestimate the power you have in your child’s life! You can make them or break them, so be the best parent you can to your child(ren) and make sure to take every opportunity to tell them and show them how much you love and care about them!

One dear sweet family (whom I love dearly) that I have had the privilege of having in my life for the past few years has a son who is autistic. He is sometimes bullied and none of the other kids want to sit next to him. Although I am not sure how much their son realizes those things, his parents sure do and they are heartbroken! I cannot even imagine how they must feel, knowing that their son is mistreated just for his presence and because he is vastly “different” from the other kids. He really does not say anything to anybody or even look at them (so obviously he does not start trouble with anyone but keeps to himself) but sometimes I am able to get him to say a few words to me (and it makes my day!) I think he needs to know that there are people who do love him and accept him the way he is!

Whenever this sweet boy’s parents (my friends) have talked about what he goes through with other kids, my heart breaks for all of them, especially to see his father break down and cry when he thinks about it. His son can give very little love back to him, but he continues to love him with all he has regardless. That right there is a father who truly, genuinely loves his children! What an amazing example in today’s world, where it is almost the norm that fathers are not in their children’s lives for whatever reason or are not really available to them emotionally, even if they do live in the same house. Just because fathers aren’t naturally the loving, nurturing type like mothers are does not mean there is an excuse to be “absent.”

My friend’s son went to a kids camp at church recently and guess who went with him…my friend (his father). His son wanted to participate in the activities but was afraid to do so alone as the other kids did not interact with him at all and so my friend got on the ground and army crawled through the mud with his son right next to his side until they reached the finish line together! Out of all the people there, only one parent came up to my friend afterwards and commented how very touched she was by the love she saw between him and his son that she had never, ever seen before in any father-son relationship and how special it was to see that. She was in tears as she told my friend this, in my presence. Then, we were all in tears. You see, she did not have her father in her life at all growing up and this display of a beautiful father-son moment forever touched her. It touched my life also, because I too did not have a father who was emotionally there for me at all. How I wished I had witnessed that tender moment firsthand! So, even though nobody else there (except this one lady) noticed or acknowledged this beautiful display of unconditional love for a son, it touched two lives very much…mine and hers. I also think it encouraged this father to keep on doing what he is already doing so beautifully, shining like Jesus in the life of his son.

Isn’t that how God is to us? Even though we are weak, frail and sometimes don’t even notice he is there, he is still right there beside us when nobody else is…to army crawl through the mud of life with us. That is amazing fatherly love.

No Turning Back

A song I vividly remember singing as a child goes, “The world behind me, the cross before me/the world behind me, the cross before me/the world behind me, the cross before me, no turning back, no turning back. Though none go with me, still I will follow/though none go with me, still I will follow/though none go with me, still I will follow/no turning back, no turning back.” There is so much truth to this children’s song that, when we let the words sink in, encourage us to keep on going towards Christ, no matter what.

It has never, nor will it ever be the easy, popular thing to follow Christ in this world. We are to expect the majority of people to laugh at us for our beliefs, challenge our beliefs and accuse us of being things that we are not, such as hateful or intolerant all because we stand up for what is right. This can be a difficult spot to be in. However, it is more important than ever to stand up for what is right even though we are going in the opposite direction of what the world says is the “right” way to go. The Bible tells us that we WILL be persecuted for our faith in Christ, so we need to expect it. The important thing to do is to keep our eyes on him, no matter the cost and remember that in the end, all wrongs will be made right and that our faith will be rewarded.

II Timothy 4 states, “At my first defense, NO ONE came to my support, but everyone deserted me…But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength…”(v 16-17) and “The Lord will rescue me from every evil attack and will bring me safely to his heavenly kingdom.” (v 18) This tells me that many times, we will stand alone but not to lose heart because the Lord will give us strength to do the right thing and not  only that, but he will rescue me from EVERY evil attack (and there will be many!) Who else on this earth can promise that?! Anything worth something comes with a cost, but the great news is we are not alone because the Lord will give us strength and rescue us. We also have our brothers and sisters in Christ to encourage us to keep the fight and not give up.

At times, I have felt like I am walking around battered and bruised from the world. However, when I refocus and turn my eyes back on the one I am living for, I gain new strength to fight another day. Sometimes I need to be reminded to hold on to God’s promises and keep my eyes “on the prize.” When I do this, the negativity of the world fades in comparison.

Every day, I am very grateful that I have hope in Him! This world will pass away and everything in it, but God’s truth and our real home will never pass away. Even though this world is getting worse and worse and more difficult to live in every day, we still have hope! When you feel yourself starting to slip away by the stress of life, re-adjust your focus and be encouraged that no matter how bad things are here on earth, we have a hope that will never pass away and a God who will never let us down! He stands true to his promises and his mercies are new every single day!

A very encouraging verse comes to my mind when feeling the effects of a world that constantly tries to beat us down. It is found in Psalm 91:7 which states, “A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you.” I strongly recommend reading all of Psalm 91 for more encouragement in fighting this battle we call life, especially in these last days. The harder the battle, the more profound his protection over us.

If we are not careful, it is so easy to become discouraged and even angered by the bad things going on around us. Sometimes it even feels that evil is winning over good. We may even feel faint at heart and begin to adopt “stinkin’ thinkin” which states, “Why bother even praying anymore when it seems like evil is swallowing up the good in this world?” Good question. However, prayer is of utmost importance at times like this. Can you imagine how things would be if everyone got discouraged and decided to quit praying? If we did that, then our loved ones who are unsaved may never accept Christ as their savior. Because of your prayers, they may be in heaven and thank you then that you prayed for them and did not give up. Or think about the times there is that obvious glimmer of hope that comes out of a tragedy because of prayer. We are deflecting much more that you know, simply because of our prayers. The Bible tells us that prayers of a righteous man “availeth much” and there is great joy in answered prayers! God still hears and answers our prayers, sometimes in miraculous ways and sometimes so quietly that you almost miss it!

So, even though it seems like evil has the upper hand, do not give up praying. Do not give up following Christ, our ONLY hope. Do not forsake encouraging others to stand strong in their faith. We need to spur each other on in this difficult journey called life as we go against the flow of what is popular.

Those who live and die for themselves have no hope beyond the grave, but those who stand firm to the end and put their trust in Him will only REALLY begin to live after physical death on earth. This life is merely like our “kindergarten,” and all of the lessons we learn now will prepare us for eternal life. Are you ready?